First off, I need to say that although I did not reunite with my ex, everything -- down to every word of every text, phone call and conversation that I set my intention on receiving -- was manifested...with another person!

It all happened when I let go. I wouldn't call it a "giving up" per say, just a final reckoning with the fact that in addition to embracing myself for who I am--who I really am-- I needed to be open to it all. I needed to be okay with it either never happening, or happening with another person who was even better, and really believe it.

​From that belief, love was allowed to enter in. Early days...but I've decided that whatever the outcome, that it has all been good. I've learned so much from this whole experience.

I think I have seen this happen to others before, but now it has happened to me. I literally started laughing because the words were almost verbatim, from a different man! hahaha

​I cherish the fact that I attracted this - the person in question is a real sweetheart...but I feel slightly guilty because I know in my heart that I wish it was someone else.

​Still, I'm remaining open -- not slamming the door in anyone's face, accepting love in all its forms, etc. I don't want to miss out on life's banquet because I insisted in dreaming on a piece of stale wedding cake...lol I'm one of the older members of this forum, I suspect, so have seen love come and go many times during my life. I know how quickly life can change-- for worse, but also for better.

I am at a crossroads as well; I really want it to work out in your situation, and in mine.

​BTW, caretaking for your elderly parents is  difficult, draining yet rewarding, no matter how often you are there. Just make the time you are there count. I know she appreciates it. Looking at one last sunset, hearing how he wished he had gone to Paris,eating a cup of soup on the porch, cleaning his bathroom, washing her windows so she could see the birds or just brushing her hair are things that I will always remember as service to my parents before they died. They are the things that helped us reconcile some of the "stuff" between us and get it all out there. It was cathartic.

​

Hi,
I realized today that the reason that I do not reach out for help in this forum is that I am concerned about negative posting. I also discovered a huge block that has been there ever since the breakup in 2015 -- smouldering anger and resentment.

I spent months denying it, visualizing joy, covering it up, resisting it.

I intentionally stopped contact with him, except for birthday greeting, which have been warmly accepted, then I move on.

​He initially was in another relationship, but not sure what happened- it really isn't my business. He is naturally reserved, so that's normal.

​But today, I looked on his social media (something I am done doing- it doesn't help anything and only hurts me). And there she was, his latest crush, with uncharacteristic public displays of affection and fawning, hearts and flowers, as she proudly displayed a sexy shirt he sent her. My heart fell.

​I am now alternating between white hot anger and profound sadness for the years spent with him, the love and secrets shared...but never put on display in that manner.

I never realized just how angry I am about the whole thing until today. I feel that I have further jeopardized my self care and love by denying it.

​I am extremely confused. I want to cycle through this, and let it go-- for good this time. But honestly.

​I don't even know how to move on without denying how much I love him. I have managed -- with a few former lovers-- to do this, and remain friends, even still loving each other, but realizing that just because you love someone, it does not always work out a certain way. I want to get to this point with him -- not denying, not hating, not reacting, just loving and releasing. Could someone help me untangle this?