I haven't been back to my hometown in 5 years  for a lot of reasons   but primarially because my brother  told my love that I had moved on and had another boyfriend   when he contacted him  a couple of months after the breakup because he felt " I was better off without him"     and my mother and other sibling agreed that instead of marrying  I should take care of my mother  and maintain the family home   so they could do what they want  with their families instead of caregiving and home maintenance

I finally went home for a few days    and everywhere I looked  I was reminded of  where we met    went on our dates  that sort of thing       He is not from the area at all    he was there on business   so there is no reason in the world for him to be there   so no hope he would just pop up there

I am dealing with the tight chest   and feel so defeated      I was hoping the memories would feel good   remind me of being happy    
I will be honest    I need some nurturing   right now    
all I did in the time I was there   was  clean  my mother's house   my siblings both  took off  so I really didn't see them at all     which is fine    neither is supportive    as they are both disappointed in their marriages    and unhappy 

For a while I was manifesting good things   and I was really feeling like he was on his way     

Thank you my friends   for any kindness you can show me