QuanaRamira wrote:

Ok, well, thank you, but I actually didn't take it to a big extreme and have been focusing on the positive, and really, this whole thing is a PROCESS, not about doing everything perfect and never having any doubts, etc. You also don't understand the relationship and why him calling from a friend's phone would be an issue for me, but like I stated in my original post I am changing it around to the positive anyway. It's not a big deal that I thought about it and it's normal to have not always positive/perfect thoughts pop up. I haven't thought about it THAT much, just a little and I haven't messed anything up. And even if I did "mess" something up, so what?  I know you mean well and I appreciate your feedback, but you really need to work on how you word things so you don't put people off. Just ask yourself how your words might come off before posting it. Doing this shows SENSITIVITY and consideration and will demonstrate effective and mature communication of your intended message. If you offend someone they won't want to hear/read your message. Because now I'm not wanting to come back here again. Take care.

I hope you feel better and lighter after this rant. Did u feel like you released something?

Sometimes when we are responding/ talking that is the best time to stop and listen.

Quieten the chatter. Quieten the need to respond. And simply listen to what is being said to you.

Personally I don't see what Cynthia said to you was unpleasant. It was short, sharp and to the point. She asked a fundamental question "why focus on anything  negative."

You are efforting and thinking too much. The fact you asked should u text someone else to ask him to call you from his phone (side note: absolutely do not do that. Screams needy) shows you need to let go and go with the flow. Can u see how much effort and low vibe that action and thought process is? When he is ready to call from his phone he will call you.

I'm sure 24hrs before he called all y

happygirl97 wrote:

hello alisa

you say : he doesnt want a relationship currently.
That is so classic :D
I literally did a lot of research on the whole understanding men and dating topic. I studied it religiously.
when a guy says: i dont want a relationship CURRENTLY he usually thinks/ means: mhmm. I think I like her.. but.. woah, she thinks WAY too fast way too far ahead. I fear that she would be clingy and I dont want to give up my freedom.

It could be the case that you started to date him and you fixated on him and you were emotinally clingy and he felt that.
In order for him to want to commit he has to feel that:
a) you are emotionally attractive, you dont try to take emotions (security, love, happiness) from him, but you GIVE positive emotions to him. That means you have to love yourself.
b) you dont NEED him to feel happy. stop putting him on a pedestal and focus on things you love.

dont go to him and say: i want a committed relationship.
you will push him away if you stay in that emotinal state of being in need and longing and wanting security.
instead: be as fun and happy as before, but dont give him the benefits of a relationship ( treating him as a priority, being exclusive, having sex AND the emotional component of cuddling, you can have sex if
that is what you want but dont give him the cuddling and emotinal benefit e.g. leave after you have sex )
That is way more effective because you signal that you are secure and self-loving and you are not disturbed and angry about him not wanting to commit. and ususally, when he FEELS that he WANTS to commit.

This is not an exclusively "loa advice" but I wanted to share these things
Its important that you dont play games, but that you really start to feel:
- relaxed,not angry, frustrated, in need, longing
- secure
- worthy
- self-loving


 

Honey please forget all that pseudo dating nonsense about how a guy not wanting a relationship because you are acting needy or clingy. And how you should or s