Thanks guys. I'm going to keep posting my updates in this thread so yea.. I had a great dream this morning. I woke between sleep cycles and I had one more full cycle to go through before I had to get up. I was at work and she was there. Her uncle who also works there told me that she blames me for how things are between us. We don't talk at work much and for now I guess I'm manifesting her acting kinda upset towards me, weird because she broke up with me.

Yea Yea I'm not ignoring what is, but I'm tired of that. All that ever does is bring me anxiety and cuts me from being in presence. Anyway this is all about feeling good about our desire right? We think thoughts all day but do those always manifest? No. Embracing reality makes me feel good and detached from any desire.

Back to the dream, she was standing across the room and I turned to her and said there's a good reason we don't talk. She gets upset and starts to leave. I walk over to her and I was sorry and what not about lashing out. She opened her arms and really wanted a hug. I gave her one and she immedietly started crying profusely. She said we can be together again and we started making out lol. I can still feel her body and the taste of her kiss. Pretty awesome lol.

I've found myself at this place of loving her so profoundly, but not needing anything in the moment to be different. Even when I do feel lackful or doubtful I just re affirm. I would really love this and I love her, but I love her so much that I really don't need anything to be any different. I love the moment for what it is and I love the me that it silent, always watching.

This may be a longer post so bear with me. It starts off so so in vibe terms, but boy does it get better.

I've been at this for about two months now. I look back at my first day. Yikes. Obsessive, heartbroken, I was a wreck. I read lots of posts. Watched tons of videos. All in hopes that I would find that last but of information to get her back. Then I found it. Eckhart tolle, acceptance and surrender. I immediately felt peace listening to his wisdom.

Christmas came and I was so happy to be with my family. I have a big family so it's rare that a lot of them show up but almost everyone was there. About 20 people all in one home. I could feel the love in the air. Though I felt this overwhelming lack. She wasn't there. I got home and cried. It was a little strange because this time it felt really good to cry. I was frustrated though.

I decided that I was going to write her a letter. I would put in it how I love her, but I didn't need her for my happiness. I was going for that closure so I could eliminate the only thing I feared in life. I was going to intentionally let her go. Completely. It was killing me to do all these practices and check on it to see if it was "working" like I said before I was doing all these things for her. To make something happen.

I felt at peace after I wrote out how I felt about her. I then let her go. There's a zen master out there for me anyway because that's what I want. I felt really good. My body was light and my heart energy was way open. Something that hadn't happened in a while. I felt the shift within me.

The next day came and with it work. I woke up and re affirmed that I wanted to let this go and just be happy. I felt at peace the whole day. It's such a good feeling. I'm getting fuzzies just thinking about it. She was scheduled to work that day too, but half an hour after I left. Well the universe lined something up without me even wanting it. I had to stay an extra half hour so another manager could get some breaks done. Wei

https://youtu.be/GoEE9_qo0kI

I recommend all his videos. I used to get incredibly anxious about my contrary thoughts toward my wants. I also work with my girl and would get in such a state of resistance when I worked with her. Since I started practicing this and other mindful techniques I've found inner peace. I've become complete and I'm a receiver for all my preferences.

I've pondered why we desire as well. From my understanding desire is born because we lack something in our lives. It's born of an egoic consciousness that seeks to add more experiences to it.

Now I'm not saying its a bad thing to have desire, but you have to be careful not to focus too much on the desire, rather focus on having it fulfilled.

We also desire because we think it will fulfill a need in us. You desire food when you're hungry but not when you've eaten. To me that's where detachment fits in. The living as if part.

In my personal experience delving deeper into my being I discovered that I truly desire nothing. Sure I have preferences, but deep down I know everything in the external world is fleeting. Nothing will complete us because we already ate complete. Be happy and think awesomely because you have everything you will ever need in yourself.

Two things are constant in the universe. Law of attraction and change. First I would stop telling the story of how she is using the child to keep him in her life. You see how you're giving that situation power by thinking about it?