I also logged in after YEARS

You can reverse this because YOU are the one who manifests.
Accept that you acted as you did and do nothintg. Dont apologise or talk about this with him.
Just make it your priority to work on yourself and dont judge yourself on this.
Trust me, I did crazy things and after I worked on them internally my ex didnt judge me on it or talked about it.

The biggest part is self love surrender and allowing.

The reason why self love is key is because of the energy you project out. If you feel unloved, you are. If you feel insecure you attract insecure relationships. If you feel needy you repel.
I honestly hardly ever did much visualisation. The main focus was and is my self love and feeling deserving.

Im at the point where I dont need to get love from him because I have it inside. I love being in contact with him but I always make sure that I dont try to extract love from him.
I feel secure within.
I also had to do a lot allowing through: meditating and trusting the Universe and letting go of neediness and impatience.
Stop trying to get over there. The key is within.

I do think it comes from the belief people are not to be  trusted, I am a victim I am not good enough.
Once you get out of that, you realise that what others say wont affect your life. You give your power away by thinking others will listen to rumors and judge you. You are the common denominator. When you feel secure within you attract security from the outside

Yes, I'll do. Just on my phone thats why the short post