Yes I'm trying to focus on healing right now. I thought I was doing well but sometimes I'm confused.

Well it's been long time since I posted something here. It's been I guess a year since I came across with LOA and very thankful with it.

There was a time that I feel like everything is falling into place. And there are days when I feel like what's going on? Where am I heading?

I had been trying to manifest my ex back. So far we are still not together but it's on its way. My last post last December when him and me met at a cafe. After that no contact at all and I remain blocked in all means of communication. Like I guess everyone, I feel low then ok and the back again. But somehow decided to go with the flow. I had been focusing on my job.

Last April, no thoughts of him and just chatting with friends. He send me a txt message. The first message was only my name on it. I replied with a yes. Then he said he cannot forget what we have together. He wanted to see me but I'm working in company where ladies leaving in a company accommodation has curfew. I was not able to see him. However, he said he is coming back very soon he just need time to think. He doesnt know what he wants and it's difficult. I asked him what makes it difficult. He answered his desire. At that time I don't understand so I told him to take a rest at maybe he will have clear understanding the next day. He was sending me messages but he seemed drunk. I was happy and I thought this is the start. However, after that, I never heard from him again. I cannot help it as human it makes me sad and confuse.

Last June, I received a phone call from a number that is not registered on my phone book. It was him. He was just checking how am I. Then followed asking if I have someone else or I have forgotten him. Well I honestly answered no. I asked him what happened to him when he send me messages. He admitted he was drunk and told me that if someone is drunk normally he is speaking from his heart. He told me he doesn't want to be forgotten because he is selfish. And well he ended the call by saying he will call m

Tonight around 11pm (on where I am hehe), while I was busy chatting to a friend regarding why men sometimes fear marriage, I received a text message from my guy. I was not expecting and the first message was only my name on it. I replied with a yes. Then he told me that he still have something for me and he can't forget what we had. The words were typed like by a drunk person so I assume he had been drinking. I asked him jokingly if he was drunk and I can't send a lot of text messages he can chat with me on any social media. He replied that he don't have access to the internet, he was at the Horizon Hotel and he strongly wanted to see me. He is feeling very tired. I'm in a country in the middle East where ladies have curfew. So I told him unfortunately I can't see him because of the curfew however if he wants I can him in the morning. I can only call him. I tried to call him but he dont answer. He asked me again if I can't see him tonight and if ever I had someone new. I told him I can't because of the curfew and I haven't had anyone new. He smiled and said I am still on his mind. He wanted me back soon but he needs time to think. He is confused and having a hard time. I asked him what happened to you and felt the urge to tell him that i don't want him to come back in a way I will suffer again. I let him go so he can find what he is looking for and I can heal myself. If ever he comes back I wanted to see it's worth it. He answered he only wanted me but it's hard. His desire makes it hard. He is confused he doesn't know what he wants. I was always there for him and so as the other one. So I told him u have to think what you really want. I don't know if u really love the new girl. All I know is that when you love there should only be one. He has to choose and stick with it. He should not hurt himself or anybody else. He replied with a sad face. I asked him why is he sad. He said it's just himself, his understanding. I told him if you have been drinking he might need t

Me

Well said