I figured out what my really big fear with my darling is. As you know I mentioned him being with another female awhile back. But I figured out why this keeps coming up in events. My fear is not that he will leave me for another female. It's that whenever he becomes close with a female he starts to think he has feelings for them, when in reality he doesn't. That fear stood true because he normally ends up liking girls he does get close with. But that only started when I started becoming afraid. I want to get rid of this belief once and for all.

I am curious as to knowing if it was his thoughts that I really heard because the thought came so natural as if it were from someone else.

I know self love is the key. If I loved myself enough, she wouldn't be a passing thought. I watched Veronica's video on self love and I wish to have more advice on it. Like steps to take to love yourself. I know my own worth, but it's hard sometimes to live in the moment.

So the only thing I am happy with is not knowing who this other girl is. But I do sometimes think about her from time to time, but not obsessively. I don't know if they are together now or not, although I never really think about that. But today I thought I saw him with another girl holding her hand and I started to cry. Even after I found out it is not them. I still cried in fear that I may have made it possible for them. Apart of me wishes he never mentioned her to me then it would be easier for me to manifest him. I need help.

Today was a peaceful and romantic winters day. My darling and I decided to bake red velvet cake. He had on his chefs hat and I had in my white floral apron. We had gathered all of our ingredients and utensils onto the counter and began making the cake. Romantic oldies songs were playing as we danced and sang a little to it. At one point, he had a little bit of flour on his nose and he blew some on my face. I struggled to put more on his face and we ended up laughing. He looked deeply into my eyes and said, "I love you." I said, "I love you too," and we kissed each other passionately. He held onto my waist as I had my arms around his neck with my left foot up. When we pulled away we went back to baking and when we were finished we were satisfied with our results. My sister in law tried some with my nephew later and she loved it. I had a nice time today.