Sorry, it's not about relationships or exes!

I posted the below back in May.  This job is a fixed term contract to cover a secondment that was due to end in January but now won't be so in theory my post is still going to be viable.  But because I have had so many problems picking stuff up, I am worried they will make it an excuse to get rid of me. I knew it was fixed term when I took it, but my manager did say that it probably wouldn't end then and would go on.  I haven't put together an exit strategy because the idea was to look within but there has been a recruitment freeze.  I cannot afford to be out of work, and because I work in a University which is rather specialised, I can't just go out and pick something else up particularly on the same salary, which is my survival salary. So please no ideas about just get something else, start your own business etc. 

It has not been easy, the main reason being because of the issues below that I have put in blue.  I've had a very poor (non-existent) induction and training, been chucked in the deep end with very important and serious tasks without context or guidance, consequently made mistakes, and been left to follow other people's old written instructions that have proved to have gaps in, and which I have blamed myself for when I have made errors of omissions.  As I didn't know something had to be done, I didn't do it, that sort of thing.  I've tried to seek support elsewhere but it hasn't been easy. 

My line manager is exceedingly good at the technical side of her job but as a people manager she is dreadful.  I have had not one proper meeting with her, just flitting by and arranging to show me stuff at my desk which is in a busy office.  She's talked to me as if I know things, when I have no context.  When something isn't right, she waltzes in and says things in front of the whole office rather than having a 1:1 discussion which I would have found beneficial.  Feedback has taken the form of curt or sarcastic emails or flouncing around saying "this is f-ing ridiculous".  Being a temporary contract, I've held back from taking things further.  If I was permanent, I would have no hesitation in challenging. 

She cancelled my review which was due in July and so far, despite reminders, hasn't rearranged. She should also have had a discussion over two weeks ago with me about the potential end of my contract but hasn't. I feel that they have seriously let me down, to be honest. 

I've been a teacher and a line manager for 15 years and I know how people learn, and I know how to manage people and bring the best out in them.  This is just not the way.  I would do things so differently. Also, much of the work is intricate figure stuff, and doing this in a noisy office is impossible.  I'm used to being in my own office and I need peace and quiet to concentrate. There is too much chat and hilarity and I can't work in it. 

To be fair, I have at times failed to go back and say I don't understand, I don't have the context, because of fear of looking stupid. Also, nobody really knows and would have to muddle through just like I am doing - but at least they have the context having worked here so long.  I'm absolutely sick of being upset, having the panic attack symptoms, and having this cloud of uncertainty that in January I could be out of work over my head all the time.

How can I turn this around?? 



I've had some terrible jobs and when I was younger I was fired four times.  I took it all very very badly, blaming myself and feeling totally ashamed.  On reflection and now I am older I can see that in three cases, the training was absolutely non-existent and I was never shown how to do the job properly, in three cases the managers were absolutely sexist and in all cases the job was wrong for me and I would never have been happy there, in two cases they sent me cowardly letters when I was on leave, and without exception they let me go after weeks and never replaced me.  I got so upset at the time because I felt guilty, worthless, ashamed and useless.

I've recently started a new job and am feeling insecure about not being trained properly but I am trying to overcome the rubbish from the past - which is the very distant past - and talk myself positive, and where I don't know something, find it out!

Last edited by PrettyFlamingo (10/14/2016 12:13 pm)