I want to talk about self love.  What is it? People will always tell you "you must find love in yourself... You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.. " But what does that actually MEAN? and how do we DO that? 

I've been on this wonderful journey for most of the year now,  and I can finally say that I have arrived at my own understanding of self love.  Everybody will perceive it differently, and that is perfect. 

I come from a household where you "think the absolute worst and you'll never be too disappointed." Seriously.  My dad still tells me this ALL the time... Is he happy?  No Sir!  And (hint) my mum died from cancer. I was always very critical of myself,  always put myself down, and always expected the worst! And you know what? Even so, life has still been pretty OK! Despite my horrible thinking. This highlights the fact that we TRULY live in a perfectly abundant universe.

Now, fast forward. I stumbled upon LOA. And what you must master if you are to become a Jedi, is this self love piece. I had absolutely no self love. I thought I was doing everything right by serving others. Everyone came before me, and I lived to ensure that others were happy. And I was MISERABLE! I ended up with a partner who was emotionally abusive, and in complete control of me. I was reminded daily of my flaws, of my shortcomings.. And instead of standing up for myself, I agreed! I apologised profusely and promised to try harder and be better, and reach further next time.

One magical day, the spell was suddenly broken. I woke up. And realised that this is MY life, that I AM deserving of everything I've EVER desired! But I still had such negative thoughts about myself. I would look in the mirror and cry. I had an eating disorder. I was so disconnected from myself that I truly believed I'd never be good enough.

I began to do affirmations. I didn't believe them. But I said them anyway. Every day. I read everything I could about LOA and creating your own reality. I decided that I had done a fabulous job thus far, of creating the life I had! Nobody loved me, I was just there to be used and kicked around.  That's the track I had running through my head,  and that's exactly what played out. 

I began to wonder.. What if..  Just WHAT IF I were a magnificent, beautiful woman? How would that feel?  How would I walk?  How would I talk? I have always had an enormous heart,  with so much love to give away.  What if I showered it on myself instead of giving it away to unworthy people?
For weeks, I would sit and look in the mirror. I'd affirm to myself that I was special, gorgeous, beautiful. And a funny thing happened. Slowly, I started to feel better.  I began to like myself. I appreciated the things around me,  and my thoughts began to morph into lovely thoughts! And as if by magic,  I suddenly had people saying to me "you look amazing" and "you are really great!" So of course I went back and revised my affirmations, to make them even MORE flamboyant.. And yes indeed, people shortly began telling me I was now "incredibly beautiful." It was hilarious! And empowering.

What I am learning more and more each day,  is that I am the only person I need to focus on.  If I can do that,  then others will be drawn to me.  When I find that connection with myself and fill myself up with love, THAT is when the universe responds and brings me more things to love. And things that love ME. I've discovered that when I am connected with my true self, I don't NEED anybody else. It is liberating, and ever so empowering. I encourage you all to take a similar journey, and to find yourself. I'd love to hear from others about their journey to self-love. Perhaps we can practice more of it here. 💞