Thanks everyone!
I had no routine. I went about life as normal. I didn't think about Austin at all, but I kept seeing his name everywhere or I'd hear our song. I was going out on dates and everything. Absorbed in school and work. The only thing I regularly did was what I always did, yoga daily and say what I'm grateful for every morning when I wake and before I go to bed at night.

Happy Valentine's Day, you guys!

It's all been happening so fast for me. I've manifested every single thing that I've wanted this year so far. I'm happy pretty much from the moment I open my eyes in the morning. I must be exuding some sort of good energy because I've been attracting the attention of really handsome men left and right. It's definitely given me even more confidence.
My current love interest is everything I've wanted in a partner, from his looks, background, and personality. We started as best friends which is probably the best way to start a relationship anyway. It's nice to let the universe do the work for me instead of feeling like I had to fight to stay in the vortex.

All the advice from the previous journey thread have sunk in. I wasn't exactly in the vortex, just vibing high which is why I got so many syncs and almost my desire but not totally. I was holding on too much. But in recent weeks I've let go and now I almost have too many options in every aspect of my life. I love it!

I missed posting here so much, but I needed a break. A lot of crazy stuff has gone on in the short time I've been away but all of it is good. I got yet another job, school, is going fantastic, and guys are flocking to me out of nowhere. I'm still not wanting to focus on Austin, though he wants to be with me. He's still not in a healthy place so it's me that has cut off contact for now. I do vis him being healthy and happy too though.

There is another guy from my past that has come back somewhat... I actually broke things off with him to be with Aust. I can't mention his name because he's a bit famous and is private so for now I'll call him Jack. I'm starting over and this time I won't lose myself in this big game we call life. Hope you're all doing well! 🤗

I mean, honestly this is starting to piss me off. I have loved this guy unconditionally for years. So much so that I didn't date or sleep with anyone, etc with the exception of one short lived relationship. He was a wonderful guy that treated me very well and I left him because of my feelings for Austin being so overwhelming. This isn't a quality issue. He's a heroin addict and an alcoholic. This isn't something I "dislike." This is me seeing a person I love killing himself. There are many times he could have almost died. Out of everyone in his life there is a reason he still comes to me about everything. Because he knows I'll accept him with open arms, maintain his trust, and love him no matter what he tells me. This isn't about loving him. This is about being exhausted from trying to rid him of the coping mechanisms he's not ready to give up right now. And if everyone feels that I should keep on holding on to a relationship with someone that can't help but walk out on me , his child, and the rest of his family periodically while he plunges in and out of these issues, then I'm sorry to tell you that isn't happening. I'm still going to be there for him. I'll always be there for him because we have something special and if he needs me he knows where I am, but I'm no longer looking for something romantic from him because having it now is not what's best for him. Right now he needs to be selfish and keep to himself, see what's best for him instead of feeling the pressure of this and holding a family together. I've ignored this problem for years now (started in 2012) because all I thought of was how he was with me, how unique he was from everyone I'd ever met, his intelligence, talent, etc while what was going on was pushed away, especially when he would have periods of sobriety and all will be well. This is just getting me super angry right now. I need to log off.

There was a knowing, I felt like I was thinking of him too much and it was annoying me. I don't know how to describe it but I'm feeling very nonchalant about it all and want to focus on finishing school and getting my apartment.

There's a lot of stuff about Austin that I don't post here because that's his business and his family's business but there is so much work that would have to go into changing things he's doing that I don't feel like doing it. I can't fix a broken bird. He has to heal himself. I'm tired of the disappearing and reappearing act that comes along with addiction because he wants to run from his childhood. I've made excuses for him for so long, but he's a 24 year old man and if he wants the help it's been offered to him and I'm tired of his family turning to me to fix it. It's a lot. If something changes then that's wonderful but I don't want to think of it anymore. The relationship is secondary to me. If it happens in the future, cool. If not, okay. Right now my focus is on me and getting him to a healthy space again because he's fallen back into bad habits.