I am doing my best to stay calm but it is very difficult at times. For example I am supposed to work with her tomorrow but I am dreading it because I am not sure if I can handle myself around her yet. I am debating if I should go in or take the day off as it would just be me and her working. And things have been difficult lately with the energy she gives off to me. Thank you I needed to hear that. Part of me does think she is better than me because she is such a positive influence in my life and she also pushes me to be better and doesn't accept my faults because she says they could always be improved. Well I haven't texted her since the last time she texted me on Friday with the messages I showed you. Only thing is we texted work related stuff in a groupchat with my coworker in it. She was very warm and joking with him but generally cold towards me. Yea it has been wearing her down as I just realized today that we got into a similar argument last month where I was worried for no reason and she said this when I asked if she was ignoring me "I'm busy and overwhelmed and I don't feel like talking. It's not always about you and honestly you overthinking is starting to stress me out too so I'd rather not talk. I have been telling you so many times already about it and it is exhausting me everytime you are overthinking. I cannot be all sunshine and talking all the time. That's not how I am. You need to try alot harder to turn off that overthinking stuff and be confident enough that you are a good person and not doing bad things. Stop that I am always guilty and sorry mentality. It's draining not just for you but for me as well." This was previous to my birthday and telling me she wanted to build her life with me. But I forgot about this conversation now and explains why she said what she said. I just hope the damage isn't too bad. No it's the last thing I want I've been doing no contact on a personal level. Funny enough no I am not but she is from the Philippines. I have

Hi Cynthia,

Thanks for getting back to me. So everything has gone from bad to worse. She texted me this morning saying "you are exhausting me again and making it worse behaving like this. Don't push me to stop with how I feel just so you can stop feeling bad.I need to process my disappointment and you trying to force your ways back and overthinking is very irritating and exhausting. It;s not my job to make you feel better. I already said what I wanted. Do better and be consistent on all aspects you do. Show actions and effort, not text messages downing yourself. I got lied to and was let down. You need to accept and respect that it will take time for the disappointment to go away. If you don't want to accept that it's not my problem." She then said "i talk to you the same professional way as any coworker and I will keep it that way. This situation is making me realize and see things that I have overlooked." I asked her to not be that way and she repiled with this. "Can you just let me be for now? I am tired of having to keep reassuring you because you cannot stop overthinking. It's exhausting and I don't want to deal with it anymore.Let time take care of it's course." Not sure what that last part meant. She then said that she just wanted a stress free day. So I ask what should I do now is everything lost? How do I recover from this? She sounds like she can't stand me now I am not sure if she even still loves me at this point.

Hi Cynthia, 

Sorry it's taken me so long to reply with all the craziness going on these days. Your advice worked like a charm!!! But I need some direction with my SP. Since we last talked I went on that vacation with my SP and it was amazing just as I imagined she told me she loved me. Ever since we have been great we even got each other mood rings and used them as the real thing to act like we were already married!! She actually cried tears of joy saying it was the best time she ever had in her life. After that she became an open book and really communicated with me, She made time for me and always calmed any fear I had in our relationship. She even told me she was thinking about marrying me and told me what song she was thinking we would dance too. Even during the quarantine a project popped up and she made sure we worked together. Fast forward to this month in the beginning of the month it was my birthday we were working together and she took over a whole break room and put up all these decorations and baked a cake and cooked lunch and got me presents. It was the best birthday surprise I have ever gotten. She then told me that week that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me but she still is stuck in a situation with her ex and their child. She said if it wasn't for the child she would have been with me already because she needs to figure out the whole custody situation. She actually cried saying she wanted to build our life together now and not have to wait she then expressed her fear that I wouldn't wait and would leave her. Time with her has been straight out of a dream until this week. After memorial day I was supposed to come into work early and I came in late I told a co worker not her and when she asked why I was late I lied and she caught me in that lie. She was angry because she almost got in trouble for me and I lied about it so she would not even speak to me or let me get near her. She said I have been late too often and I need to be better.

Cynthia,

Sorry about that. I don't get to reply as much due to my hectic schedule but I do appreciate you taking the time to give  the advice. Listening to the neville vids helped me get through when my issues started they just seem to be more out of control then ever. What technique do you use to ignore your current reality? and not react? I am so quick to react to things it gets me in trouble sometimes. I have been trying to visualize too but its like the other co worker invades my thoughts so I can't concentrate. So like you did with the screenshot how were you able to focus on it enough to get rid of it but not give it power to make things worse. Also do you suggest any affirmations or anything I could use to get my SP to be more kind,loving, and appreciative of me?

Hi Cynthia,

Once again I seem to be running into a wall. I went on that vacation with my SP and it was amazing everything seemed to be re-sparked between us. We both had the time of our lives. But everything started declining again about 3 weeks ago. I had gotten her this super special toy she wanted from childhood and for some reason in my head I was thinking I have to get it for her before her co worker does (someone ive seen as an obstacle) and I got it for her but sure enough he got himself one and told her you should of let me get you one. I know I completely manifested this yet I reacted and got mad about it. Then last week she asks me to help her with something and the same guy acts all obsessed with helping her but we tell him we got it and leave. On the way back after picking up supplies he meets us and says we left without him he was going to help. Which annoyed me even further. Everything between me and her had been going well laughing joking intimacy until this last week. She starts acting hot and cold I try texting with her I only get short answers or my texts screened. Afterwards she flips out on me saying shes overwhelmed with stuff at home and not everything is about me and That I put her in a bad mood. Over the long weekend we texted twice on thanksgiving and then nothing until I texted on sunday which was also short but a little more warm. Today I talk to her again and she says im about to put her in a bad mood again asking about work stuff. then we talk a little bit and text. She has apparently been so busy in a convo she forgot she never messaged me and missed taking her meds for days. Currently I feel like I am going on a downward spiral trying to center myself again and right this ship. I notice my biggest triggers are the co worker who keeps trying to converse with her and her hot cold behavior. Before the thoughts got in my head about the co worker trying to get close to her everything was great. What should I do?