This is going to be a somewhat long post, but i wanna be thorough. this is a story 3-4 years in the making. never thought i'd be posting here lol. 

four years ago i dated a boy for a few months. when we broke up i was devastated. i thought he was the only one for me and that i couldn't do any better. i was young. (i'm still young i'm 25, but at the time i was 21 and even though it was only a few years ago it feels like lifetimes). but i really thought he was my shot at love.

when we broke up i didn't want to bother him. I'm not one to initiate contact with ex's after it ends. i felt unwanted by him and decided that if he wanted to reach out to me he would. guess what? he didnt lolol. while i was desperately looking online for a way to get him back, i found LOA. i saw that no contact was one of the first steps. so i latched onto the idea of LOA to get him back. i was bound and determined. but that was also my downfall. i OBSESSED with it. i didn't even realize i was obsessing about it. i was worried if i was doing the techniques correctly. i was worried that my anxiety and depression would affect my manifestations. i was worried about my visualizations and if they were clear enough. i was worried if i was living in the end and living as if it was already done. it consumed a lot of my time. i looked up different influences of LOA and read countless success stories. constantly reading anything about LOA.  until one night when i was doing the cupping technique i believe it's called. it's when you cup your hand and talk or whisper like you're talking to the person you want to manifest back into your life. i was sitting in my dorm room in the dark cupping my hand talking to this guy who had moved on and wasn't thinking about me in the slightest. i felt... so stupid. idfk what came over me but i felt kinda disgusted that i would do so much to attract someone back who hasn't reached out since we broke up. i wanted him back so much that i lost myself in the process. so i