barbidoll wrote:

I have not been on in a very long time     steering away from negativity      but came back in this morning  to see     

excellent pick me up     I have been manifesting little things  with enormous regularity      but finally   last month    manifested  the job and raise    I wanted      almost exactly as I had visualized

no luck in love back    which pains me      but I am going to  work on that  with a new approach      I have visualized my brain out      to no avail    

Yesterday I closed my office door   ( YES an office !!!!)    and meditated  with headphones on      I asked the universe  to show me    what I need to do   to  make some headway    with love in my life  

I got home   and turned on the tv      the show was a Christmas episode    in MAY !!!   so I absentmindedly watched     and the next show   was again a Christmas episode     this got my attention      so I sat  and watched    and a person said   "Christmas is just as much about the excitement and anticipation of getting the gifts    as receiving itself  "      right between the eyes       so I am  trying to find things to get excited about      I realized I have made my life  a treadmill  of boredom     all work   no play      So  my plan is to think about what will excite me   and  give me something to look forward to    

Wow I see myself a bit in your story. Bits and pieces of it.

Also, the OP's post blew me away. Creative words and well explained.

I'm new here, but I am really loving this forum. The encouragement from others here is awesome. I read all comments in this thread... you guys got talent with words.
 

Hi people,

I'm new here, and I look forward to talking with you guys.

In 2018 I had a massive spiritual awakening. Since then, I've been so much more open, I don't hide away from everyone anymore. And I used to be a cutter/burner. Last time I cut was a year ago. Last time I used the burning was about 3-4 months ago. It's been tough, but I must keep a new mindset; one of love for myself, because for years now I had been abusing myself, inside and out.

By the way I'm 34 (almost 35) years old. I've been in counseling since I was about 15-16 years old and now I'm 34. We work with a lot of things; overcoming depression and anxiety, self-talk so not to self-injure. I have to be on medication for all this, even PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder with Psychosis. I've been diagnosed with everything in the manual, but I think this last diagnosis is correct.

About self-love, I believe that hearing those words by different people almost every day is a sign in itself. I hated myself for so long, and it only made me sicker (not just mentally sick, but physically too). I'd also left other social media for a few months here, because I needed some space. My friends and family understand.

I had heard "love yourself" just about everywhere. So today is the day that I try my best to put away the dishes and check the laundry here soon too. I hate to put it all on my mom. Yes, I live with my mom. I am not married and never have been. I'd like to be, someday. I sorta hope it's sooner than later, but it is what it is.

Well the lesson I learned from that relationship is not to be a pushover and let others come in your home and try to rearrange your whole life, and not to let people talk me down, I must stand up for myself because no one can hold my hand the whole time.

Anyway, thank you for reading this. I look forward to meeting new people here. It seems like a great place to be, here.

Alex