I am going through a very challenging time.  
For the last 4 years I am living in a crazy roller coaster with my SP  I was manifesting him in a loving, fun, adventurous and committed relationship, but now I think I don’t want to pursue it anymore,  I did so much for him and he said that he did for me too but I think he was just paying me back for saving him, and now he doesn’t need my help, he betrayed me with an other woman and denied it, from the beginning of the year , he hurts me emotionally many, many times and I forget him telling myself I will manifest a better version of him , but when I think all is well , boomer ! And other betrayal an other disappointment. And here I am fixing my broken heart, when I said something to him he blamed it on me. It’s my fault, yes I guess I am the one to blame cause of being afraid that something bad will happen then happens, but always start with my feelings and then I start to think, is like a premonition, he survived a very bad motorcycle accident in Miami and I was in New York and coincidentally I was at the Twins Towers memorial over his name and last name at the exact moment when he died for two minutes, I felt it and I said when I saw his name this is a message of dead, I call a friend and she asked at what time I was over his name, when I said 4:45 pm she said he was dead at that time but the doctors were available to resuscitate him, I saw we were mean to be together forever, but now I am looking for a way to don’t suffer anymore, he said now that he always told me that we are not in a relationship even though we live ,sleep and we used to do everything together. My heart and my head are divided, 50% I want to end and never see him again and the other 50% wants to keep swimming against the odds. Help please.Thank you