Veronica's Law of Attraction Forum / Help manifesting a 'normal' life

**Posted by Erana** 6/29/2019 2:42 pm

Hi all! I am someone who has trouble facing day to day life and would like some guidance towards overcoming that.
I have always had severe 'motivation' trouble. I always kind of resented having to wake up, eat, go to school, do homework and pretty much anything. I have severe procrastination issues, even for things I enjoy doing. I used to think my anxiety issues were to blame, however I 'cured' my anxiety since getting into LOA and my issues still persist. Currently I am on a gap-year, and I sleep late, shower often only once a week, and then in a frantic effort to stay out of my own head, I distract myself with binge-watching tv shows or playing computer games - anything that doesn't involve thinking. When I am not on gap-years, it requires a Herculean will-power to get things done, which ultimately leads to a burn-out which requires a gap-year or more to recover from.

What I want is to be someone who is focused on their goals, who can wake up when I want to, shower regularly, work-out, decide on tasks and do them without feeling scared . From time to time, I manage to do this and I feel on top of the world - like maybe nothing is wrong with me after all, like I am also a capable and functional adult, like I can achieve anything and feel utter freedom. However it only lasts for a day or two max before I crash down again. I realised yesterday that this was because I was too attached to the outcome and I was equating my sense of self-worth with my being a certain way.

I don't know how to procede next though. I find the idea of being deliberate or being in control of my own life and actions scary. Everytime I ask myself "What do I want to do today", I get scared. It's like I am frightened of making decisions that involve taking actions from my part, as if I can't rely on myself to do them or that even if I start, I won't stick with it and so on. I even enjoy planning out everything, but I often can't make myself start.

**Posted by fizzy** 6/29/2019 11:32 pm

I think what might help is if you change your daily inner dialogue to yourself. I know you are having motivation issues and this may seem daunting, but I think if you just commit yourself to this, it’ll help you with everything in the long run. Whenever you have a bad or critical thought about yourself or your life, whenever you are being mean to yourself, say ‘no thank you’ to the thought. Instead tell yourself that there is nothing wrong with you, you are free to be who you are, anything you decide to be is ok and valid. Talk to yourself almost like a kind and loving parent would. Comfort yourself when you are feeling scared and tell yourself you can do it. And make sure to stay on top of your thoughts and catch any negative ones immediately. This will create new patterns of thinking in your mind and eventually the good inner self talk will come natural to you. Always reach to feel good. If you are not feeling good, notice what you are saying to yourself in your head.

Maybe someone else will come along and offer you different advice, but I honestly think the problems you are having are stemming from constant negative self talk. If you change this inner chatter, I think you might feel happier and as a result, get your motivation back.

Also in addition to this, make sure you’re taking care of your physical body too. Such as getting enough sleep, etc. Commit to taking care of yourself both mentally and physically and I think the life you want to have will follow

Last edited by fizzy (6/29/2019 11:39 pm)

**Posted by Erana** 6/30/2019 7:46 am

Hi Fizzy, thank you for responding. I did use to be very impatient with myself and have a lot of negative self-talk before I got into LOA. While I don't necessarily do that now, I agree I do still have negative beliefs about myself that needs positive self-talk to counter.
For instance, I realised after making my post that my real underlying fear is about being a deliberate creator - that I am somehow not good enough, or capable enough, or worthy enough to create my own reality, or that it'd be difficult and so on and so I'd rather just ignore my reality and do nothing. I also remembered that every time I managed to get past this fear, I had managed to take ownership of my own power in some way or another. However I never realised how important that aspect was to me and forget that part, and that is when I go back to being scared. I am currently therefore talking myself into remembering, acknowledging and owning my own power by saying things like: I am a natural-born deliberate creator. I was born to create my own reality, and therefore that is what comes natural and easy to me. Focusing on and creating my own reality is therefore actually easier than avoiding it. I have the full infinite power and resources of the Universe backing me...

**Posted by Erana** 7/01/2019 5:20 am

As an update, the affirmations didn't help because I was trying to jump straight from powerlessness to feeling powerful. Hence I just let it be and trusted the universe to bring me a solution and then, as Abraham would say, my 'cork' naturally floated to the top and I felt better once I stopped resisting the bad feelings.

It also brought greater clarity about what I want, which unearthed another negative-belief/false-premise. I always want to be 'busy' and be constantly doing something towards my goals. I have this belief that free-time and relaxation, or time with family/friends is a waste of time, and people who waste time are worthless and useless to society. During my undergrad years, I used to feel guilty or even resent myself for spending time with my friends or calling my parents. Even when my friends finally managed to get me to go out with them, 90% of my brain will be analyzing everything I could have done in that time instead, and what I should do once I get home etc. Currently I am trying to revise my undergrad topics in preparation for starting my masters in couple months, but I get impatient with myself if I think it's not going fast enough and I'd start feeling the fear and before long get into full-blown resistance. I suppose, no wonder I am scared of my own plans. I am often like an evil task-master to myself.

I am now working on telling myself that it is ok to relax or have free time or do nothing sometimes or take my time with a task - that I don't have to be frantically doing something all the time in order to be worthy or important or useful.

**Posted by fizzy** 7/01/2019 11:22 am

Sounds good to me. Well done

Last edited by fizzy (7/01/2019 11:22 am)

**Posted by Erana** 7/05/2019 1:58 pm

Thank you fizzy for your response and encouragement. I managed to work through (or rather allow) several fears and now am feeling way better than I have in a while. The big breakthrough was realising I CAN control how I feel - so I no longer felt powerless against my own feelings.

**Posted by fizzy** 7/05/2019 3:33 pm

Erana wrote:
Thank you fizzy for your response and encouragement. I managed to work through (or rather allow) several fears and now am feeling way better than I have in a while. The big breakthrough was realising I CAN control how I feel - so I no longer felt powerless against my own feelings.

You’re welcome! Yes, you can absolutely control how you feel

**Posted by Eveee** 7/09/2019 4:00 pm

Erana wrote:
Thank you fizzy for your response and encouragement. I managed to work through (or rather allow) several fears and now am feeling way better than I have in a while. The big breakthrough was realising I CAN control how I feel - so I no longer felt powerless against my own feelings.
Yes yes and yes. I have been reading through this thread with interest. What Esther Hicks suggests, and me ;) is the gentle moving up the emotional scale all the time to reach for better feeling thoughts, So whatever you are feeling, you can always reach up just a notch to an even better feeling place.