Posted by Aquilina 9/15/2018 8:26 pm | #11 |
I have been in a weird place for almost a week, as if I was having a bad trip without taking any drugs. But, I'm back! I feel like myself again and I'm back with renewed enthusiasm and joy! :D :D :D
I'm not going to post every day because it is too much focus on the process. Instead, I will post when it feels natural and when there is something to say.
I started my meditations again. And I started doing Wendi's remote seduction which is on youtube. I tried it once last week and it was powerful! The music is so inspiring for connecting with the feelings. I prefer to think of it as sending them love, than seduction.
I got halfway through and sort of questioned if I was doing it right then was out of the state, and a similar thing happened tonight, mainly because I wasn't fully relaxed. But it's okay because next time I know to just let it happen. It was a really enjoyable experience. I felt more connected to myself and my SP
Last edited by Aquilina (9/15/2018 8:30 pm)
Posted by pocketfullofsunshine 9/16/2018 1:18 pm | #12 |
Aquilina wrote:
Okay...
I have been very distracted and gone off course looking at some concepts about the Universe that were driving me a bit mad, and it really brought my mood down, and now I'm feeling negative. I decided I will post updates either every day or a couple of times a week. It will keep me motivated. I can't give up on this, I know me and this man are perfect for each other, I am just getting in my own way and I cannot and will not go through life wondering what could have been.
I have seen how my energy is picked up on by others in previous situations. Both times I was doing chakra meditations because it helped me transform all the bs I was feeling about myself. I did it for a month and he got back in contact with me except I was young and naive and realised later he was far from what I wanted and deserve. The second time with a different guy, I had started doing these meditations, and it was helping me get to the point where all of my attention was on me and not him, then he started trying to get my attention (this was during a difficult patch where he thought he was interested in someone else). So he had started to try to get my attention more and then told me he wanted me and not her. We later mutually felt that we weren't interested in a relationship, we didn't really have those sorts of feelings for each other, it was just an idea we both had, and we are friends instead. Same as the first time, I didn't stick it out with the meditations to a point where I had truly transformed. But in this process I have learnt a lot of lessons.
This time must be different because I know I want to be with this person 100%. There was so much love between us when he was here. So much. He is everything I could want in a man. I'm probably going to get some extra help from Veronica, because I keep feeling demotivated and like I don't have enough specific things to do to make me feel the way I want to feel.
I had a good visualization yesterday. I didn't mean to do it, I was just lying on my bed telling myself I'll get up and have a shower in a minute, but I was feeling so relaxed I just stayed there, and ended up visualizing better than usual. I suppose I have cancelled it out since with my negativity. I can't just live in the end result while I feel not myself.
He went quiet again, and it triggered these feelings of not being good enough and I know it's not true and I just want to find ways to stop it when it comes up and remember who I am. Because if I am out in public or working or doing something, I can't just drop everything and meditate until it goes away, so what can I do there and then to feel better and remember? I know these meditations will help me and eventually stop these feelings arising in the first place, but what can I do in the moment it comes up, to stop it from taking hold me of?
Reading back through some notes from before, it reminded me. Nothing bad that's happened in my life is a reflection of who I truly am. I didn't deserve any of it. I am a being of divine light. I am free of the past. I don't have to force myself to be/become the person I want to be, because I already am it and always have been. I just have to let go of all things that are blocking me from experiencing it.
I have watched a few success stories on Agnes'page and I took a few pointers that have helped me when my vibrations are low that hopefully can help you too.
1. If i feel low during the day, I give myself a minute to take five deep breaths reminding myself I love me and my source loves me profoundly-- I heard this in an Abraham hicks video. Your source really does love you so if you can remind yourself that.
2. You are one hundred percent good enough and sometimes your person may be quiet but it does not mean they aren't thinking about you the universe loves you and working for you in the background-sometimes we dont see it but it doesn't mean it is not working
3. I really liked an analogy in a success story about the positive and negative thoughts being like two fires, when you give more energy to the positive thoughts, and reinforce it the negative ones start to fade out and eventually put itself out.
Your journey is beautiful and thanks for sharing all of it, keep it up the universe is on your side and we are all rooting for you!
Posted by Aquilina 9/16/2018 7:19 pm | #13 |
pocketfullofsunshine wrote:
You are one hundred percent good enough and sometimes your person may be quiet but it does not mean they aren't thinking about you the universe loves you and working for you in the background-sometimes we dont see it but it doesn't mean it is not working
Thank you for your support and kind words! :D
This part is true. I remember the other day, my SP mentioned something that I had told him before, which at the time, he had never acknowledged, so I thought he just wasn't interested in what I had to say and I was projecting that insecurity on him as well, especially as this was earlier on, not long after he left, and I was finding it more difficult. Now I know, he was taking it in at the time.
Another thing I remembered is that forcing conversation is like saying "I don't think I'm good enough for you to speak to me of your own accord so I'm going to keep making conversation because I'm scared it's the only we can communicate".
And I remembered something a wise man once said...
"Patience communicates confidence and desirability".
In terms of all that stuff, I'm doing fine at the moment, just wanted to share it in case it helps anyone else that is feeling insecure about this type of thing. I mean I still sometimes have insecure feelings but it's getting A LOT better.
I'm going to keep your tips in mind and remember to take some deep breaths if anything comes up...
In fact, I just did that. I have some feelings to resolve tonight so there was no better time than the present. As Anthony Robbins once said, "a true decision is followed up by action".
PS. If anyone knows how to edit the title of this thread, please let me know! I want to make it more positive! I even checked the main boardhost website but it didn't have any information so specific, and I haven't seen an edit option anywhere when I'm posting or when I look at the section where it displays my own posts.
Last edited by Aquilina (9/16/2018 8:13 pm)
Posted by Aquilina 9/16/2018 10:12 pm | #14 |
Just tried to listen to the RS recording but couldn’t do it tonight, couldn’t get into a trance state. I kept having intrusive thoughts, and years ago I had ocd which I cured, but at the time, every time I tried to listen to any guided meditation or hypnosis track these thoughts would come up and sabotage it. This wasn’t so extreme now but just annoying. The recording is 18 minutes long, and I kept restarting to try to do it well, because not doing it felt like giving up and not making progress and made me feel disempowered or like I’d failed. After an hour I decided enough was enough, this is no state to do this in.
This can be another lesson in transforming self-directed anger into being kind to myself. It’s 5 am and as much as I wanted to do this process and enjoy it, there is always tomorrow, and if I am sleeping late then I am not loving myself, so time for bed.
In Wendi’s RS, she says that only the positive energy will be sent to them. Do others say the same? Does anyone know more about this? This partly could be why I was anxious to do it “right”, and wanting to have the most positive and purest energy during it.
Last edited by Aquilina (9/16/2018 10:17 pm)
Posted by Aquilina 9/17/2018 2:18 pm | #15 |
Went to the beach today and enjoyed it. I've been reading Elizabeth Daniels' book, "Manifesting Love". I also made some lists about things I can do to improve my life in general. Things I can do right now that cost me nothing or not much.
Tried to visualize but wasn't really happening, so I decided to enjoy the sun and the sea instead. I floated in the sea and it was great after I packed my things to go home I stood with my feet in the water looking at the horizon for a while. I was praising myself for my achievements of living where I had dreamed of since childhood and was thanking the Universe for the sea and feeling grateful.
I felt gratitude and love in my heart and was feeling really good about myself. As I was leaving the beach, I almost began to feel like he was there with me. I have seen some people say that one way to act as if is to imagine they are there with you during the day. I had been doing that here and there as it's easier than visualization and sort of keeps it going throughout the day. Well, I really felt his energy in real-time. I wasn't feeling a memory of him, I was feeling HIM. It reminded me of the interconnectedness between all people and how we really do silently send signals to people, broadcasting our energy out through the cosmos, the signal of love being the most powerful of them all.
I had some other proof of this connectedness the other day, with a friend. I believed in it anyway, but these examples are good for changing the doubtful parts of our mind into belief.
I had looked at the whispering technique that Agnes talks about and asked a friend if I could test something telepathic out on him, as we have spoken a lot about telepathy and had a few experiences before but not in such specific ways as this technique allows for.
He was happy for me to do it. Of course I didn't tell him how it was going to work, but I decided on a word that he says occasionally that I was going to ask him to tell me. Did the technique and forgot about it. The next week he said the word and I thought hmmm, could be coincidence, if he'd said it the same night maybe I'd be convinced. I told him about it and said, what shall I ask you to say next time. I thought to myself, I will choose something more random, so I thought hmmm I'll ask him to say "frog", and/or send the frog emoji on whatsapp. Thought no more about it at the time.
A couple of hours later he says "frog" then sends the frog emoji...and I hadn't even done the technique!!! I told him I couldn't believe what had happened and explained. We were so surprised.
Anyway, after I left the beach, feeling high, I randomly had thoughts about competition and got a bit anxious. It's not a thing that I usually give much attention to, the occasional thought might come up and I'd ignore it. This stuck around for longer so I got home and watched Veronica's video about it again and I feel better. Maybe I'd freaked out because the high was higher than I have been feeling recently and I was scared it wouldn't last. But...
I get how it works and I'm going to make my life the best possible and have so much fun, manifest my other desires, keep focusing on connecting with my heart energy, and in no time he'll be picking up on these vibes.
Last edited by Aquilina (9/17/2018 2:34 pm)
Posted by Aquilina 9/17/2018 8:30 pm | #16 |
I see that even though there have been some but not many really vivid visualizations, there are certain scenes I have scripted about and thought about a lot that now feel like my subconscious accepts as fact! This is good news!
Posted by Aquilina 9/19/2018 10:01 am | #17 |
Mirror technique - another version.
Anyone remember that scene in The Secret where a man is standing in front of the mirror and imagines himself in a nice suit etc?
Well I did that, I stood in front of the mirror and closed my eyes and for some reason it was much easier to imagine myself as my ideal form and live FROM it compared to if I'm sitting or lying down. I also felt a rush of energy after doing that and was on a bit of a high.
I had decided before that I was going to emulate the behaviour of my ideal self, as one technique to help me to become it. I made a list of all the things my ideal self would do. And it's not about changing who I am, but it's about getting rid of the habits and negative feelings that had blocked me from being who I am and loving myself. It's not about imagining being different, just feeling different. Another example of what was on that list, was to mimic the body language that I would have as my ideal self.
An interesting thing happened yesterday. I had been having insecure thoughts, then asked myself, "Would my ideal self be worried about this?" The answer of course was, "No of course not, we don't have these types of thoughts". And to my surprise, the thoughts literally just stopped completely. This hasn't happened before. I didn't have to justify or explain to myself why I shouldn't think them or tell myself why I am better than that, they just stopped when I reframed my perspective so that it was aligned with the new self.
I am starting Veronica's breakthrough course tomorrow. I have accepted less than happiness as normality for far too long and I want this extra help to make sure that I stay motivated, and stick it out this time and change things for good instead of returning to comfortable mediocrity and accepting less than I deserve and less than I'm capable of. Sometimes when the pain has gone, we sink back into indifference, slip back into living life by the outdated subconscious programs, and accept the same state of being as before. Not this time. This is it! This time I'm going to do it!!!
Last edited by Aquilina (9/19/2018 10:23 am)
Posted by Aquilina 9/19/2018 5:26 pm | #18 |
Another good thing...
Yesterday, something in Elizabeth Daniels' book made something click where I felt like, there's nothing I need to do, I don't need to try. She was talking about that person not being a priority in our lives.
Anyway I knew all that but for some reason something clicked and for the first time, I felt like he didn't have a hold over me. I felt free. This is a good step
Last edited by Aquilina (9/19/2018 5:26 pm)
Posted by Aquilina 9/21/2018 7:23 pm | #19 |
YES!!! I remembered the thing that made me stop visualizing all those years ago and decided to really give it a go, immerse myself, fully experience it. I fell asleep (it wasn't time for bed), but anyway will see what happens and it will get easier and easier.