sillyromantic wrote:

My ex blocked me for no reason out of the blue. We haven't talked for months and were not friends on social media. Lately I've been overwhelmed again by more and more thoughts about him after a period of being ok with everything so I felt ready to put him behind me for good. He started a new relationship with another girl immediately when we ended and they moved in together a few months later. I saw him a few months ago at a weekend long business conference we both flew in to out of state. He was following me around like a puppy all weekend, being super friendly, flirty, like old days. By the end of the weekend I was confused and fed up because I didn't want to hear all about his new life with her and I just walked away and put an end to it. He's bipolar and I believe he was being manic and his ego seemed so big now. It's been a few months since then and now that I finally decided to delete him from my phone for good and block him on facebook I noticed that he already blocked me. That confused me because when he was around me he seemed to still have some emotional attachment to me and we were not even friends so I haven't been checking his facebook, contacting or harassing him in any way so why block me now? his mom unfriended me on facebook too even thought she was still following me on facebook months after we broke up. This whole situation is bizarre because I feel like he still hasn't resolved some feelings for me when he moved on immediately and I believe that he might still be thinking about me and that's why he's hunting my thoughts again. I'm now to that point that I don't want to let him occupy my thoughts, I don't want to day dream about seeing him again or the times we shared, I just want to be free of him for good.

 
Why block you now? Could it be because you have repeatedly been saying on this forum that you want nothing more to do with him, you don't want to think about him any more, you want a healthy relationship with somebody else, etc?  Don't you think that those thoughts were creative?  He's obviously been occupying your mind a lot and you must still have some emotions for him one way or the other that you would even feel a need to delete and block him from various places.  If you felt nothing for him, whether good or bad, none of this would bother you.

There's something I've had to learn the hard way myself, and that is what Neville referred to as everybody being you pushed out. That essentially means that people treat you the way you expect them to. This may stem from beliefs you have, conscious or unconscious, that might not have anything to do with a specific person but are general. For example, one of mine used to be 'nobody appreciates me', and guess what has happened over and over again? I've had lots of proof of that show up. That belief wasn't even uppermost in my mind, but it kept causing this to happen, and then I would think that thought again consciously -'nobody appreciates me.' It's always about changing yourself from within. I'm not saying this is true of you, but as an example, you might have a belief that men always leave you for somebody else or nobody really loves you or your husband cheated on you so it will happen again with somebody else or any number of other similar beliefs that could result in being treated the way you've been treated by the person you've been talking about. He may or may not be bipolar but apparently he's been behaving like he's bipolar with you, and you've been seeing him as bipolar because you've talked about it a lot so that's what you're getting from him. All these beliefs you've got about him now that have come out of the experiences you've had with him have resulted in what you've been experiencing since then. You've said numerous times that you don't want him any more, but if you really did, it would be interesting to see what would happen if you completely rewrote in your mind the scenario that's been playing in your mind about him and the other girl and you and changed it to the way you would have wanted it to be.

I didn't mean that you made it up that he's bipolar. If you take bipolar out of the equation, what I was saying was that people treat you the way you expect them to or think they will, so one person will have an entirely different experience with somebody than somebody else does. For example, if Joe thinks that Bob is a friendly person, Bob will be friendly to Joe, but if Colin thinks that Bob is a horrible, nasty person, that will be Colin's experience of Bob - he will behave in ways that indicate he is a horrible, nasty person.
In one of Neville's lectures, he tells about a girl who constantly all day long thought of her boss as a disagreeable person in various ways and had mental arguments with him all day long, and that was the behaviour that she got back from the boss. When she changed this to thinking of him in a completely different, much better way, he changed completely toward her and behaved in a much better way toward her and they had a harmonious working relationship after that.
You and I could analyse what happened with our various people from now until the end of time, but that is not going to change anything. In this sort of situation, both people have contributed to making the relationship fail, as co-creators, but when one person changes, the other one will change as well. I don't think many people try that because they don't think it's possible to change somebody's behaviour toward them by thinking about the person in a different way.

sillyromantic wrote:

I see what you're saying and I agree. I have a coworker who I used to think was negative, bitchy and mean and she's now my best friend at work. She was there with me when I went to the conference and he hung out with us for 2 days and she was very supportive of me. Now I see her as a completely different person. I guess when you have an experience with a person who you see a certain way due to their overall behavior it's hard to shift your perception of that person and see them in a different light. In a way I'm emphatic and sort of feel bad for his new girl because I believe that he's going to use and hurt her too eventually. I'm basically ready to open myself up to all the great things that I know are coming for me because I made huge changes in my life this past year but I sometimes feel like thinking about him can be holding me back. I really appreciate the time you are taking to read through and give valuable advice.

You're very welcome, and I hope I've helped you.