Hi guys,

My bf and I broke up in July last year. It was a really bad breakup. But I might have been the one who manifested it. We were on the rocks from May to July - I spam texted him multiple times even when he was at work.

He had a colleague who was interested in him way back in December. I was so wary and worried that he might leave me for her, and he really did. They got together around September.

I begged, cried and did everything imaginable under the sun to try to get him back. Obviously, it didn't work. For some reason, I thought that showing him I still loved him and couldn't live without him would work. Silly me. I was also in a horrible state - had very little friends due to spending all my time with him (after work, weekends, etc), stuck in a job that I hated (couldn't find a new one even after almost a year of searching) and my skin was at a horrible stage back then.

I was really down in the dumps - I couldn't believe that my bf of 2.5 years could just say he doesn't love me anymore and leave me and go on dates with that girl. 

My begging went on for months (til maybe November), I lost 4kg, puked every single time after I ate regardless of how hungry I was. Everytime we talked, or texted, or had any sort of contact, we argued. My vibe was very very low. I constantly compared myself to her and felt like I could not compete since she was a few years younger than me.

He blocked me everywhere - on facebook, on whatsapp. But he always unblocked me on whatsapp about a day or two later. He occasionally would reach out to say hi, yet stop his messaging abruptly after asking how I was and after I replied. I was so suspicious of his motives that I would lash out at him, wondering what he wants from me. Time and time again, this happened.

Suddenly a switch flipped inside of me last month. I was sick and tired of feeling like I wasn't worthy or my happiness depended on him. I started to cut contact (not totally - the first time we had contact after that was on my birthday where he texted me birthday wishes and also wished me happy new year). I recently contacted him and we had a short text conversation. I ended it saying that it felt good talking to him without arguing, that i missed him as a friend and hope to see him around soon. Didn't expect a reply as that is what he would normally do to my texts - ignore them.

He replied this time - me too (to my feeling good by talking but not arguing) and that he will see me around. He is still with the girl (they are colleagues after all).

Also, throughout the last few months, I have managed to secure a job which I absolutely love going to every day and my skin is improving with medication. I have also reached out to long lost friends and my social circle is expanding. Whilst I used to only text my bf everyday, now, so many people talk to me nowadays. I changed my wardrobe, colored my hair, did my nails, went to the spa with my girls and went on vacations with family and friends.

I have been feeling jealous, scared and angry for many months. I was scared he would get together with his colleague (which he did and still is). I started being worried that she might be the person he marries in time to come and that he would never come back. But now I'm just focusing on myself and loving myself. This might sound like a cliche - but really, just love yourself first. Things will fall into place, regardless if it happens the way you want it to. Be it the situation, circumstance, or timing. 

Do I want him back? Sometimes, I think yes. Sometimes, I feel like I would be alright alone. But deep down, I still do wish my future will be with him. I wish that he still loves me, even though he say he doesn't, even though he's with another girl now. Now when I think about him (although I try to replace my thoughts of him with "I love myself I love myself I love myself"), I don't feel as anxious or horrible or empty. It's more of what will be, will be. 

Why chase after a man that does not want to be caught? Love yourself first, only then will you be as attractive as you can be. Any man would be attracted to a woman with ambition, with drive, with joy within herself. He would want to be part of that - not part of a weak, desperate woman's life, where he has all the burden of making her happy.

This is my first post. I don't know where my guy and I will walk from here on out - but I believe that I will be fine, regardless. 

So girls, make yourself pretty, hold your head high, make a path for yourself and believe that everything happens for a reason. You will look back at this period of time and wished you spent that time wisely, instead of burying your head under the covers for months, pining for someone.

Hopefully I will be posting a post in the Success Stories portion in time to come!

Last edited by pinkunicorn (1/11/2018 7:01 am)