thank you, kawaiiman! it so nice to know that people out there care!
i actually did, very many times, to the point i felt like a fool. he doesn't believe me. he says actions count more than words. we live far away right now, so i don't know what possible actions he could mean. when i started doing things that i thought and knew would help, he sort of dismissed it and told me to do things for myself and not for him. this discouraged me.
i am sending him lots of love from my heart right now, but i have stopped telling him, because it seemed he wasn't ready to forgive me.