Hey everyone, hope this message all finds you well and happy

I'm feeling stuck emotionally at the moment. My story is this - in 2014 I was over visiting NYC, I met an amazing boy and spent 5 glorious weeks with him, naturally I thought that was the end. I came back, went on with my life, but always thought of him fondly and soon realised I had fallen in love with him. Low and behold three months went by and a chance conversation with him revealed he had the exact same feelings for me.

He came to Australia to visit me, It was bliss. I had never felt such a soul connection with anyone. We were a perfect match. After he visited Australia, I went back to NYC for two months. The plan was he was going to move out here for a year and that we would work out logistics and I would move back with him. The two months we spent together were wonderful, although slight problems arose. We always sorted them out though. He kept on telling me that I was the love of his life and the best thing to ever happen to him. Two days before I was to leave we had a huge fight, doubts came about and it was hysterical - but we got through it. The day arrived for me to head back home, he left me at the airport  - we were both crying hysterically - he continued to tell me that i was the love of his life and he'd be with me soon.

Two days later he dumped me. It was a pain I never imagined possible. He thought there were too many problems between us to risk moving to another country. He completely changed in an instant. We had a huge fight - he blocked me on everything and I haven't heard from him for four months. 

I found Veronica and she has been an enormous help. While I feel other aspects of my life are going wonderfully - I just can't get over the heartbreak. I really feel like I've had a part of myself ripped from me, and I think about him constantly. I just can't comprehend how I suddenly mean nothing to him. I love him with all my heart, and my gut refuses to shake the feeling that I'm suppose to be with him. 

Recently, it's been harder than ever. When the Supreme Court ruled marriage equality, it brought out all these feelings in me - we had both talked about marriage together and the fact that we could now legally do it anywhere in the USA just hurt so much - it's what I dreamed of doing with him. I just want to be able to have contact with him again, I want to start a fresh but I can't shake these negative thoughts. It's interesting that my boyfriend before him has suddenly come back on the scene and has expressed his love for me again - though I have no interest.

If anyone could give some advice on how to shake these constant negative thoughts, i'd be so grateful.

XX