alex31 wrote:

Cynthia,

True we both know that but it's been difficult for us to let our guards down.

Ok I am listening to that one now.

I may have made a mistake I just messaged her on work I I'M just checking on how the project was since I am not there and she was the only one there. It was all work related except at the end I told her to make sure she took her medication because she always forgets and to have a good night. That was it. She had a cold response towards it. It wasn't anything relating to us so I didn't even think about it but now I wish I hadn't messaged her.

 

You probably shouldn't have sent her that message, but don't worry about it. Forget it. You are going to drive yourself and everyone else crazy if every time anything happens you have to analyse it and put an interpretation on it, especially when it's a negative one. Maybe it wasn't cold. Maybe she was just tired. Maybe it had nothing to do with you at all. Why look for trouble? Everything isn't always about you. You're using the law of assumption against yourself when you do that.

Hi Veronica,


Yea I have come to realize this morning. I take a step forward and two steps back. I managed to calm myself down and tell myself the pit in my stomach and all im feeling is actually her missing me not the other way around. But today I came to work and forgot my badge and she told me to just work at home. And it set me back I was so sad for how she is treating me. And I noticed she has hidden herself on Facebook from me and Iv'e gotten into my head a 3rd party that makes no sense. Iv'e been scared to let her come to the conclusion on her own because what if she is like ok with it. The weirdest part is she didnt actually break up with me even though it feels like it.

VeronicaAdmin wrote:

No worries! I'm happy to elaborate.  Letting go is about freeing yourself from all those needy, desperate or controlling feelings.  Hence, it's about allowing a better outcome to take shape.  If you keep feeding your desire with the same feelings, you'll keep getting the same disappointing results.  But, if you free yourself from all of this - things can take new shape and form.

Releasing the past means to move forward and move ahead.  Not move on, but move to a place of abundance rather than lack.  This starts by what you focus on.

Yes, let her arrive at this place on her own.  If you keep trying to outwardly fix things, it will continue to backfire.  Choose the inner state first and nurture it.

Ask yourself if what you are doing now is producing the intended results.  So, what do you have to lose by leaving her alone? If you are focusing on the idea of her convincing herself to change her mind, then you are preparing the way for it.  It's ok to have fears, but don't fuel them.  Don't feed them.  Fears are part of being human, as she is important to you.  But, focus more on her deciding to connect with you.

Veronica xxoo

alex31 wrote:

Hi Veronica,

Sorry I missed your previous message. I am a bit confused but letting the feelings go part. Also with releasing the past. So are you saying let go of the bad situation that happened and forget about it? Act as if we are fine and let her get there on her own? What do I do about my fear of leaving her alone? As I am scared she is going to convince herself to change her mind. As she has told me before she has tried to do it. But my contact has kept her from doing so.

 

Why do you think that? Am I really overthinking that much? I thought this was a normal thing anyone who is in love goes through?

I didn't say you were crazy, but it isn't normal behaviour to constant!y analyse every little thing and worry and fuss over it and torture yourself over things whether they are true or not.  Putting aside Neville, the law of assumption, and all of that, even from psychology alone, going by what you have been saying here, which is all I can go by, this sort of unrelenting obsessive behaviour would be enough to drive anybody crazy and drive them away. Your girl has already told you very specifically and directly how wearing this is on her, but still you go on doing it. Now she's blocked you. Is it any wonder? Put yourself in the other person's place. How would you like to have somebody else constantly analysing and second guessing and fussing over thingś and putting an interpretation on every little thing that happens or hasn't even happened and worrying about every little thing? I don't know about you, but it makes me nervous and would wear me down in no time at all.This is not a normal part of a healthy adult being in love with somebody, and more especially not when the other person has stated that they love you and want to marry you. This is a really good way of systematically destroying that. It is just too much. I don't even know you, I am neutral, and even reading all of this is too much to take. It's not going to affect me either way, but I don't want your relationship to fail. If I did, I wouldn't have replied to you when you specifically asked me and I saw that when I'd stopped replying to anybody else months ago. I've given you my advice, and you don't seem to have taken it in.

I think it would be a good idea for you to have a good think about what made your previous relationships fail and think about whether the above behaviour was a factor.

As I said before, if you can't stop yourself, get some help because you are doing yourself in. I've said all I'm going to say.

Hi Cynthia,

I said that because at times I feel that way. Funny enough I spoke to my friend the other day who has the same issue I do and when he was explaining how irrational his thinking was it clicked for me what I have been doing to her and myself this whole time. I am thankful that she is similar too and understands what I go through. Thinking on it she may not be angry at all but she wants me to see for myself what I am doing. Your right going back through all her messages I notice she stays quiet because she doesn't want to feed into my episode. So her course of action is too let me see it on my own which is also why she is avoiding me to avoid triggering me. Everything she ever told me all said the same thing she just wants to see change and consistency. And since we are almost at the next phase of our relationship she doesn't want to carry it into our marriage. If that's not love I don't know what is. I've been seeing everything from the wrong perspective.

Also I have been taking your advice. It's just some of the teachings I have to do extra research on because the way neville explains it is a little hard to grasp for me on certain things so when I get other examples or perspectives it helps. Fpr example I just realized yesterday that I had the wrong idea of what a mental diet was but now it makes sense to me that I do.

Also I do appreciate all the help you provide me with. Don't get me wrong my last message wasn't meant to be defensive I just never understood the perspective you were coming from until now. Now that I do my sinceriest apologies it's kind of like driving through a hurricane where you know where your going but its hard to see how to get there that's how I am with my words in those situations. Also thank you for helping me with my relationship it really means alot to me.

Last edited by alex31 (6/04/2020 9:58 pm)