Hello Guys
First of all I wanna say sorry for the mood of this email but I just had a bad conversation with the woman I loved and still like and offcourse she is the topic of the conversation.
Well just to give a quick introduction I’m Antonio, 29 yo Italian and I’m in Australia to work and travel at the moment.
I’m new in loa, I think I started this march and I attracted a couple of things, first I was visualising to manifest 100 dollars but while I was doing it I was thinking well I’m a very bad person, someone has to loose 100 dollar just because I wanna do an experiment, they must feel miserable.
Well guess what, the next day I lost 100 dollars just in my courtyard while I was going to eat and I’ve found them only when I came back.
I think I attracted it.
Anyway I tried to manifest a lot of things in my life but the only time when I did it was when I had a strong emotional feeling and I was thinking of talking with my soul. I think god, or you call it universe , comunicate like this. There are these moments when I feel my soul really inside me and aligned and I know something good is going to happen.
But now let’s talk about the reason why I decided to write you.
I’m 29 yo and despite some fwb I never had a real girlfriend. It’s kinda sad I know.
But last December something happened that changed my life, I met this amazing crazy , funny, goofy French woman and after some flirting we spent 3 days Christmas togheter. The 27 she flew to her 4 months trip in Asia.
Was the first time in my life I was so intimate and connected to a woman.
At first I was like, ok now she’s gone I have to forget her.
But during a travel on a train I was thinking of her and all my emotions came out and with tears on my face I asked God to put our lives on the same track again and in that moment my train did a weird noise on his track and I took it as a sign that god listened to me.
We started texting and flirting quite often for a month till the point we said we have a crush on each other and she was thinking of having a relationship when she would have come back in Au and I told her I wanna wait for you.
Then the sad part, there was a colleague of mine that was flirting with me at that time and me, stupid me, I was on her game because was funny , but one night I had a strong connection with her and I said to myself , it’s my life , Cindy confessed me that she was using tinder while in Asia , so I said I wanna have this experience and I will take the responsibility for that.
At that moment I was sure was a good thing but a lot of “signs” gave me the impression god or , universe ,were saying don’t do it.
Well I did it and then confess it to Cindy.
She was furious at first but then she kinda forgave me. But then she slept with another guy as well for a week or so.
And here things started complicating.
I started thinking I was loosing her and became needy and she lost attraction to me.
I’ve spent some months miserable and in depression, real depression and I started seeing sign everywhere thinking they were signs from the universe. 
I lost my mind a bit.
Now I’m recovering a bit and I recovering my sanity. And I’ve recovered a bit of connection with Cindy. But today I had a conversation with her  and I was so nervous because I meditated about her and i realised I have fear to let her go. I was very confused and she saw that and she said the conversation
Annoyed her and probably she lost the attraction that lately I’ve “earned “.
She might be my first real girlfriend and I really like her vfor who she is, that doesn’t mean I like everything but she is special for me and we have a spiritual bond. I think if I let go I will loose it . But I also feel the resistance that this is creating. I wanted do stuff to impress her, change
and grow as a man to take care of her, I’ve put the possibility of having a love relationship with her in front of myself. Finally I stopped doing it because my life is a bit messy at the moment and I need to fix it .
But I still wanna stay with her. And I also feel some resistance like when I fail something I feel like a click in my mind that say, oh another guy could do it better and Cindy would fall in love for him( something like
That) I think it’s a resistance. How to l
et go the resistance without letting go the bond or tie or connection? Should I let go the outcome to become h
Er boyfriend or try with her? How does it work?
How to let go properly? Can you explain me properly. Should I let go the feeling, the or the tie with her?  Pls explain me in details, I really need it.