Yep, I actually think you're right on point. Thanks so much for replying. I'm a skeptic, so before reading Neville and starting to apply LOA I read a shitload of success stories to convince myself that it was worth the try, and not in a single one has trying to convince directly or confronting someone about their emotions worked. I am trying to control thr situation.
I have much trouble living in the end I think because I am very impatient, a flaw I'm trying to work on. I adore visualising at night and on good days feel we're together, but then after a couple of good days pass without any external indication of it progressing I completely drop into neediness and desperation. I absolutely acknowledge this but really don't know how to stop obsessing and just surrender. the days when I've managed to feel surrendered are the ones when I end up bumping into him etc.

I really wish to develop that trait. I'll try to work more on my patience because really, impatience has only been against me in my life so far. Maybe this is a way to actually get myself to do the work. If anyone has suggestions about impatience it would be really thankful Thanks for your help, Cynthia!

Why on earth are you looking at his social media? That is about the worst thing you can do. If you were truly living in the end of having the relationship with him, for one thing you wouldn't be constantly checking and analysing what every little thing meant, for another thing you wouldn't be concerned about any possible third party, and for yet another thing you would ignore what outward appearances look like to you and not take anything at face value. If you were truly living in the end, you would assume the relationship was already yours and none of those things I just mentioned would be a part of it, but you've got to give it some time and have some faith and trust and not be checking to see if you think that anything looks like it's changed from one day to the next or one minute to the next. This is like planting seeds, and if you planted some seeds in the earth you wouldn't go and dig them up constantly to see if they were beginning to sprout underground before they sprout above it, and what you've been doing is comparable to doing that. It can also be compared to a conception. You wouldn't expect that the birth would happen the following day. Everything has got its appointed time, whatever that might be.

I was listening to Neville's lecture Ends Ultimate and Temporary yesterday, it's one I hadn't heard before, and he was talking about how there can be trials and tribulations along the way that make it look like things are going wrong or like they're not working but in the end you'll see that everything fell into place perfectly. I'm paraphrasing a bit, but that's the gist of it.

You really should be leaving him alone as well and do this all in your mind because obviously questioning him is not helping you live in the end, and it is not living in the end to question him.

Last edited by Cynthia (6/17/2019 3:44 am)

I don't know if it's been working or not because as you said yourself you've been constantly killing it. I don't know whether you've actually killed anything, but you certainly haven't been helping yourself move forward with this. Just because he said something about somebody else doesn't make that true, and even if it were true, so what? As Neville said, there is no inevitable permanence in anything.

What you have been lacking, as you've pointed out yourself, is self-discipline. I don't know why you're so bothered about how long it takes. Isn't the point having the relationship and that it is as ideal as you want it to be rather than speed? And what if speed hampered it from being as ideal as it might be or it wasn't any good at all?