iamme wrote:

Cynthia wrote:

iamme wrote:

Thank you Akuma I actually drafted a message over the past few days saying I couldn’t be just friends but before I got to send it he suddenly messaged me the dates he will come to visit and suggested dinner after work during the week and that we discuss plans for that weekend. Should I move forward with spending time with him or still stand my ground and say I can’t be friends?

 
If you send that message to him, you will be attempting to manipulate outward conditions directly, and under the circumstances that doesn't seem like a very good idea to me. What you should have been doing and should do now is live in the end of the wish fulfilled in your imagination of having the relationship you want with this person like it is already an accomplished fact and not try to overtly influence or convince him of anything. Imagination creates reality. I strongly recommend studying and applying the teachings of Neville Goddard to this situation and every situation.

Thank you Cynthia I have been reading Neville but where I seem to get stuck is that I focus on having the relationship I want and then I remember what he has said and get discouraged. Do you have ways or teachings you recommend to help me get past what has happened?

 

It doesn't matter what has happened or what has been said. Nothing is written in stone and unchangeable. Being patient and persistent is very important, and the lack of these are two big reasons why people fail, not to mention their lack of faith in the first place. My personal favourite books by Neville are The Law and the Promise which contains a lot of success stories and The Power of Awareness which talks a lot about the law of assumption, and I also like Prayer - The Art of Believing. Well, I like it all, but I'm trying to narrow it down for you. If you only had time to read one chapter of each right now , I would probably recommend chapter 3 of each one, and if you read them I hope you'll see why. I also love his lecture Brazen Impudence which is about persistence and not taking no for an answer from yourself.

iamme wrote:

Cynthia wrote:

iamme wrote:

Thank you Cynthia I have been reading Neville but where I seem to get stuck is that I focus on having the relationship I want and then I remember what he has said and get discouraged. Do you have ways or teachings you recommend to help me get past what has happened?

 

It doesn't matter what has happened or what has been said. Nothing is written in stone and unchangeable. Being patient and persistent is very important, and the lack of these are two big reasons why people fail, not to mention their lack of faith in the first place. My personal favourite books by Neville are The Law and the Promise which contains a lot of success stories and The Power of Awareness which talks a lot about the law of assumption, and I also like Prayer - The Art of Believing. Well, I like it all, but I'm trying to narrow it down for you. If you only had time to read one chapter of each right now , I would probably recommend chapter 3 of each one, and if you read them I hope you'll see why. I also love his lecture Brazen Impudence which is about persistence and not taking no for an answer from yourself.

Thanks, Cynthia! I had law and the promise and got the two additional books over the weekend, so far working on revisions. I’m also interested in your take on dating others while learning and practicing applying Goddard’s principles? I filled my calendar this week with dates because I just have been too fixated on my person. My concern is that this isn’t really living in the end because if I had my relationship I wouldn’t be dating others.

 

You have to know what you want, and if you want to have a relationship with a certain person, then you need to focus on living in the end of having the relationship with the person. Long before I ever heard of Neville, although I'd been studying the subject of conscious creation for many years by then, I married my former husband, and we were married for a very long time, by simply imagining that we were married and imagining wearing a wedding ring. I did think a lot about him and imagined our marriage frequently, possibly more than I really needed to, but it felt good to do that, and I wasn't worried about devoting too much time or attention to this. It was also long distance with minimal communication between us, perhaps one letter from each of us to the other per month. That was because I'd left London and gone abroad and knew I wouldn't be able to get back for awhile. It was easy to be patient under the circumstances and easy to live in the end as well. It wasn't the only thing I did, I was also living my life, but I wasn't interested in anybody else, so I didn't have any interest in dating anybody else, and neither did Neville when he wanted to marry his second wife and imagined them being blissfully happily married before he went to sleep at night. The only thing I would do differently if I had it to do again now that I know so much more and know better than I did back then is to leave nothing to chance as I did but to also imagine the details I would have wanted in the relationship.

A few months ago somebody on this forum was asking more or less the same question about dating other people, and it seemed to me because of what she said that that was because she had doubts that she could manifest the relationship she really wanted.  I pointed this out to her and did my best to explain living in the end to her which she told me she'd been having trouble doing, and she told me that she got inspired by what I told her about manifesting my marriage, really started living in the end, and got her boyfriend back within 2 days.

It's entirely up to you if you want to date other people, but I personally wouldn't if I was certain I wanted to be with a specific person because, as you've said, that isn't something you'd be doing if you really had the relationship, and it's also distracting you away from what you really want. Unless you're going overboard and are stalking the person or pestering them or are so obsessed with them that it's interfering with or ruining the rest of your life, I think you have to be fixated on the relationship with the person to a certain extent. I wouldn't worry about that unless it is causing a problem for you or the other person.

Last edited by Cynthia (12/18/2018 5:21 am)

iamme wrote:

Cynthia wrote:

iamme wrote:

Thanks, Cynthia! I had law and the promise and got the two additional books over the weekend, so far working on revisions. I’m also interested in your take on dating others while learning and practicing applying Goddard’s principles? I filled my calendar this week with dates because I just have been too fixated on my person. My concern is that this isn’t really living in the end because if I had my relationship I wouldn’t be dating others.

 

You have to know what you want, and if you want to have a relationship with a certain person, then you need to focus on living in the end of having the relationship with the person. Long before I ever heard of Neville, although I'd been studying the subject of conscious creation for many years by then, I married my former husband, and we were married for a very long time, by simply imagining that we were married and imagining wearing a wedding ring. I did think a lot about him and imagined our marriage frequently, possibly more than I really needed to, but it felt good to do that, and I wasn't worried about devoting too much time or attention to this. It was also long distance with minimal communication between us, perhaps one letter from each of us to the other per month. That was because I'd left London and gone abroad and knew I wouldn't be able to get back for awhile. It was easy to be patient under the circumstances and easy to live in the end as well. It wasn't the only thing I did, I was also living my life, but I wasn't interested in anybody else, so I didn't have any interest in dating anybody else, and neither did Neville when he wanted to marry his second wife and imagined them being blissfully happily married before he went to sleep at night. The only thing I would do differently if I had it to do again now that I know so much more and know better than I did back then is to leave nothing to chance as I did but to also imagine the details I would have wanted in the relationship.

A few months ago somebody on this forum was asking more or less the same question about dating other people, and it seemed to me because of what she said that that was because she had doubts that she could manifest the relationship she really wanted.  I pointed this out to her and did my best to explain living in the end to her which she told me she'd been having trouble doing, and she told me that she got inspired by what I told her about manifesting my marriage, really started living in the end, and got her boyfriend back within 2 days.

It's entirely up to you if you want to date other people, but I personally wouldn't if I was certain I wanted to be with a specific person because, as you've said, that isn't something you'd be doing if you really had the relationship, and it's also distracting you away from what you really want. Unless you're going overboard and are stalking the person or pestering them or are so obsessed with them that it's interfering with or ruining the rest of your life, I think you have to be fixated on the relationship with the person to a certain extent. I wouldn't worry about that unless it is causing a problem for you or the other person.

This is so helpful. Thank you. Your personal success gives me hope! I definitely resonate with the other person on the forum who had difficulty living in the end. My person and I are on really good terms but I started to find myself mostly being the one to initiate contact and feeling too attached to hearing from him, so I decided to date and let go a bit because it was making me quite sad. Both your successes have given me a new burst of energy, so I am going to pull myself together and give living in the end another shot.

 
There is a letter from a lady to Neville in chapter 3 of The Law and the Promise in which she reports her success in marrying the man whom she'd met on a blind date that should also help you a lot, not only because of the way he contacted her after which they started dating, but especially in your situation where you already have a friendship with the person because after he'd contacted her and they were seeing each other, she did not know how he felt about her but continued !iving in the end in the same way as she had done all along, and they ended up both being very happily married to each other.

Cynthia wrote:

iamme wrote:

Cynthia wrote:

 

You have to know what you want, and if you want to have a relationship with a certain person, then you need to focus on living in the end of having the relationship with the person. Long before I ever heard of Neville, although I'd been studying the subject of conscious creation for many years by then, I married my former husband, and we were married for a very long time, by simply imagining that we were married and imagining wearing a wedding ring. I did think a lot about him and imagined our marriage frequently, possibly more than I really needed to, but it felt good to do that, and I wasn't worried about devoting too much time or attention to this. It was also long distance with minimal communication between us, perhaps one letter from each of us to the other per month. That was because I'd left London and gone abroad and knew I wouldn't be able to get back for awhile. It was easy to be patient under the circumstances and easy to live in the end as well. It wasn't the only thing I did, I was also living my life, but I wasn't interested in anybody else, so I didn't have any interest in dating anybody else, and neither did Neville when he wanted to marry his second wife and imagined them being blissfully happily married before he went to sleep at night. The only thing I would do differently if I had it to do again now that I know so much more and know better than I did back then is to leave nothing to chance as I did but to also imagine the details I would have wanted in the relationship.

A few months ago somebody on this forum was asking more or less the same question about dating other people, and it seemed to me because of what she said that that was because she had doubts that she could manifest the relationship she really wanted.  I pointed this out to her and did my best to explain living in the end to her which she told me she'd been having trouble doing, and she told me that she got inspired by what I told her about manifesting my marriage, really started living in the end, and got her boyfriend back within 2 days.

It's entirely up to you if you want to date other people, but I personally wouldn't if I was certain I wanted to be with a specific person because, as you've said, that isn't something you'd be doing if you really had the relationship, and it's also distracting you away from what you really want. Unless you're going overboard and are stalking the person or pestering them or are so obsessed with them that it's interfering with or ruining the rest of your life, I think you have to be fixated on the relationship with the person to a certain extent. I wouldn't worry about that unless it is causing a problem for you or the other person.

This is so helpful. Thank you. Your personal success gives me hope! I definitely resonate with the other person on the forum who had difficulty living in the end. My person and I are on really good terms but I started to find myself mostly being the one to initiate contact and feeling too attached to hearing from him, so I decided to date and let go a bit because it was making me quite sad. Both your successes have given me a new burst of energy, so I am going to pull myself together and give living in the end another shot.

 
There is a letter from a lady to Neville in chapter 3 of The Law and the Promise in which she reports her success in marrying the man whom she'd met on a blind date that should also help you a lot, not only because of the way he contacted her after which they started dating, but especially in your situation where you already have a friendship with the person because after he'd contacted her and they were seeing each other, she did not know how he felt about her but continued !iving in the end in the same way as she had done all along, and they ended up both being very happily married to each other.

 

I would like to add something else that I think is important to consider, and that is that we really don't know what someone else is thinking and feeling.  Even if they come out and say something, it doesn't make it true, or if it is true at that moment, it doesn't mean that it will stay true and can't be changed. How many of us choose an interpretation of somebody else's words or actions that make us feel at least hopeful or that make us feel positive and happy about a situation? Probably not many. It seems the tendency of most people is to look at things at face value and choose the most negative interpretation, one that gives them fears and doubts, one they don't want. For example, somebody you like starts to act cold or distant. How many people interpret this as the person doesn't like them? Probably most people. What if it is really the opposite? What if they have stronger feelings about you than you thought you could even hope for, but they have fears about being hurt, or they've got some other issues in their life they want to take care of before getting more deeply involved in a relationship with you, or they have other issues that they feel burdened by and don't want to burden you too, or any number of other possibilities? If you can start to see that any possibility that you can imagine is one that you can bring into existence with patience and persistence, I think it can help you stay on course and achieve your end result.

iamme wrote:

Cynthia wrote:

Cynthia wrote:

 
There is a letter from a lady to Neville in chapter 3 of The Law and the Promise in which she reports her success in marrying the man whom she'd met on a blind date that should also help you a lot, not only because of the way he contacted her after which they started dating, but especially in your situation where you already have a friendship with the person because after he'd contacted her and they were seeing each other, she did not know how he felt about her but continued !iving in the end in the same way as she had done all along, and they ended up both being very happily married to each other.

 

I would like to add something else that I think is important to consider, and that is that we really don't know what someone else is thinking and feeling.  Even if they come out and say something, it doesn't make it true, or if it is true at that moment, it doesn't mean that it will stay true and can't be changed. How many of us choose an interpretation of somebody else's words or actions that make us feel at least hopeful or that make us feel positive and happy about a situation? Probably not many. It seems the tendency of most people is to look at things at face value and choose the most negative interpretation, one that gives them fears and doubts, one they don't want. For example, somebody you like starts to act cold or distant. How many people interpret this as the person doesn't like them? Probably most people. What if it is really the opposite? What if they have stronger feelings about you than you thought you could even hope for, but they have fears about being hurt, or they've got some other issues in their life they want to take care of before getting more deeply involved in a relationship with you, or they have other issues that they feel burdened by and don't want to burden you too, or any number of other possibilities? If you can start to see that any possibility that you can imagine is one that you can bring into existence with patience and persistence, I think it can help you stay on course and achieve your end result.

I can’t tell you how grateful I am for you Cynthia. I think I need more advice since I do have a small update for you all. I talked with my person today about plans during his visit (next month) and it got a bit heated. He wanted to spend time with me during the week and when I questioned him about the weekend he admitted that he might meet with an ‘old flame and didn’t want to make things awkward for me.’ Hearing that really upset me and so I told him he could meet with whoever he wanted and I would move forward with a trip that had already been pre-planned for that weekend. I did kind of explode on my person. I told him “If  you want to be in my life I don’t want your scraps and that includes your time and your character.” His response was that I needed to lower my expectations of him said that “the only crime I have committed is not living up to the expectations of what you think I should be.” I finally had it and just told him the thoughts I’d been holding in while trying not to rock the boat. It was something like. “I am not going to lower my expectations for anyone. I treat you incredibly well even though you’ve at times been an *** to me. You’d be lucky to have me and if you can’t see that by now, I don’t think you ever will and I simply deserve better and someone who will value me. Your crime is to yourself, and I’m not apologizing for having expectations. You are a better person and I think we both know that.”

He followed this up by asking if I’d be in town during the holidays to talk in person. The answer is yes, I will be in town beginning Christmas Eve, basically Christmas Day through New Years but I hadn’t told him until then and now he wants to talk in person. I don’t know where to take it from here. I’d appreciate the advice because I sure am feeling kind of lost. I also don’t know if I should have said all that to him but I truly am tired of him not realizing my worth even though I’ve gone above and beyond for this man. I was tired of staying quiet and not standing up for myself hoping that he would see what was in front of him. I mean, I don’t know how else to ask - Am I doing this living in the end thing right because I gave it an honest effort and still am reminding myself that it isn’t my job to figure out the bridge of events, only to live in the wish fulfilled but things look kind of scattered....

 

You have to live in the end until the end comes in the outer world. It takes as long as it takes, and that varies for different people with their different desires. You've got to be patient and give things as much time as they need. I had to learn patience out of necessity from an early age, I didn't have any choice, so if anything I'm probably too patient about waiting for things to happen, but most people don't seem to have that ability. Everybody wants everything right now. I actually don't blame you for saying what you did to him. I understand from personal experience how a need to express yourself in this sort of way can build up and it's something you just feel you have to do. If you're asking what to do now, I suppose I would suggest deciding what it is you want, whether it's the same thing you've been wanting or if you've changed your mind in some way and want something different, and live in the end of whatever your desire is now.  If you're going to be seeing him soon, you could also imagine that meeting going exactly the way you want it to. If you still want a romantic relationship with this person, there is no need to despair, no matter how bad things may seem.  Don't let outward appearances get to you and get in the way of your desires, and that includes whatever he may say or do that isn't to your liking. Do your best to ignore that and continue living in the end in your imagination and try not to overtly attempt to manipulate outward conditions directly. If you are not in the right state, that won't work.