dsdsdsdsds4231 wrote:

Hey everyone,


At this point, I've revised the situation Neville style as best as I could by choosing to focus on the fact that she said it was just "right person, wrong time", "didn't know if I still loved you or wanted you as just a friend", "want you in my life (as a best friend)" as that she still deeply loves me but I attracted this upon myself. (literally the week leading to the breakup, my head was consumed with thoughts on her leaving and I was watching breakup videos on youtube...)

Anyway, I'm doing my best to live in the end and focus on myself. I have gained so much self-love back and I have gained back some of my confidence. My thoughts of her have been appreciative thoughts, such as those of when she did amazing things for me during our relationship. I've also imagined her being with me in my new city and of me being with her in our "together" city throughout the day when I have a moment to myself.

I'd like some advice on whether this is obsessive thinking. She runs through my mind a LOT and it's not incredibly hard to replace the thought of her when it comes up but the thought of her brings me a lot of joy so I tend to leave it... I feel like I think about her too much, even if it's positive thoughts...

Also, we are still friends on social media and I've stopped impulsively checking whether she's seen my posts on social media, but sometimes her chat head pops up on Facebook and it hits me a little. Any advice on this? 

 
I think your revision is too negative and not what you ultimately want. When you revise something, it should be hearing her say, (or getting a letter from her, etc.) exactly what you want her to say, not what you think the best thing you could expect her to say would be.  The object is to completely rewrite what happened to exactly what you would have wanted to happen. You are using your imagination, and anything can happen in your imagination. There are no limitations.

I've found that a lot of people who say they have been living in the end don't actually really understand what that means, so I'm usually not sure if they are or not. Living in the end means that you imagine and feel like you already have your desire now, making it as real as possible, like it is happening right now. Have you heard Neville tell about what he did when he wanted to marry his second wife? It's more or less what I did when I wanted to marry my former husband, although I hadn't heard of Neville back then and would have done things a bit differently if I had done. Before he went to sleep at night, he imagined them being blissfully happily married, with her right there with him, as an accomplished fact. Then he went to sleep, still imagining it and feeling it real and true, as an accomplished fact. There's nothing wrong with thinking about the other person when they pop into your mind. There's no reason to try to fight it like it's wrong. You're bound to think about someone you love. I used to think of my future husband a lot during the day or whenever he popped into my mind and imagine wearing a wedding ring at those times, but I was also doing other things and thinking about other things, living my own life, and it was long distance with minimal contact.

dsdsdsdsds4231 wrote:

I see.

Should I revise the breakup?

 
That's up to you. You don't have to, but you could do if you felt it would make it easier to live in the end of having the relationship.

I don't know if you've read the story from The Law and the Promise about the grandmother who had had no contact with her son's family for 2 years after her daughter-in-law had told her to leave. She'd sent gifts to her grandson over that 2 years but had never had any reply. In her imagination she wrote herself 2 letters, one from her daughter-in-law asking why she hadn't been round to see them and another from her grandson thanking her for the gifts. Eight days later, she got letters from them, almost word for word, what she'd written in her imagination, thereby reconciling with them. You could do something like that, made relevant to your situation.