Hello Forum!

Here’s an issue that keeps giving me knots in my belly, and I’m hoping someone can offer some good insight.

I’m currently in the process of bringing my marriage out of separation, back together again.

My husband and I are deeply connected at the soul level. I feel very strongly that we are meant to be together, and I know that he still loves me and (at least secretly) wants the same thing. But he’s a very practical, hardworking, grounded person, whereas I’m more artistic, spiritual, and intuitive. So I’m having a hard time seeing how my visualizations will have any effect on him whatsoever, even though I know that he’s only me pushed out. I know that there’s not really any separation between he and I, but working with his personality means taking actions that I know will please him. It’s a quandary.

Having been mostly out of the workforce for 20 years, doing the practical thing of finding a real job is one of the matters that gets me tied up in knots. I know that he’d love to see me bring money into the household, and it would relieve him of a huge burden. I want to be a help to him, not a burden, or dependent. But I’m finding it next to impossible to find reasonable employment. I’ve been a homemaker and artist all of my adult life.

I guess I’m not really sure what’s I’m asking here. I’m just having anxiety with the notion that if I’m unsuccessful in generating an income, that he’ll never come back. And the more that thought intrudes on me, the harder it is for me to live in the end of being successful as a creative and spiritual entrepeneur. He’s not an unreasonable man. He knows how big my challenge is in this area. But on the other hand, it’s a big part of why he left, being burned out from being the primary breadwinner and always having to work so damn hard.

Does this make sense to anyone? Or am I just rambling because I have anxiety?