I'm feeling very lost and confused and have hit rock bottom with my depression.

I've tried thinking positively and living as if but all it does is make me miss him/remember the good times and it breaks my heart. As you know I've tried manifesting back for over a year, around 1.5 years. Deep down I know he will be back and now is not the right time but it is really upsetting me. 

My question is- what if I was to focus on the negative parts of him as it would more likely help me to move on? For example if I focus on his abusive tendencies, all of the cruel things he said, rather than the romantic positive stuff, what would happen? Would he feel this? Would he change as a response and be pushed away even more?

Please help because no matter what I do I'm struggling. I cried myself to sleep last night and cry almost every day. The pain is too much to bare sometimes and I think about wanting to die regularly.

I have been going to counselling.

I am just not so sure that positive thoughts will definitely bring him back (I've tried) and also there are not many success stories. If we look at the percentage of success stories it is quite low and hard to know whether they are a result of loa or just life. I know you manifested but it took years. I'm not as convinced about it all in general as I have previously been. I've given it my all.

I literally don't know what else to do. I've prayed on top of using loa techniques. I've done revision as I get the feeling he is very mad at me. I've spoken to psychics.  It's not about being negative it's about being realistic. On top of that sometimes on loa forums (not this one) people give non loa advice and it's frustrating. We're told we can have anything we desire yet we're told something different sometimes.

If I do think of his as abusive what would be the outcome? Will he become more abusive?

Thanks for your comment it is an interesting discussion.

Thank you. It's because I've been imagining us happy together and every day that goes by and there is no contact or every time he chose to ignore me or date someone else breaks my heart and it's not healthy for me anymore. He was not perfect in any shape or form but he  was for me so I've forgiven him, sent love, treated him like a king when we met up but he still didn't treat me good enough.

Many people don't support me wanting him because he has done some very horrid things to me. So I've started to think rather than forgiving all the time and loving him for the times he was loving (a long time ago now) I'd be better off thinking about the person he is now. Maybe that would help mE fall out of love with him. Because being in love but not seeing him hurts like hell. Being in love but him ignoring me hurts. Him making out that I'm horrible whilst I sit her and send him love really hurts. I feel like I've given him 1.5 years to respond to my love in a loving way but he hasn't. Instead he's been cold and cruel and has cost me thousands of pounds in legal fees before telling me he is going to date someone else as a way of moving on from me.

That make sure sense.

He pulled out of a house we had just bought together, meant a new mortgage and cancelling old one. He also cancelled the wedding without reimbursing any of the costs.

Berry wrote:

I need to imagine him having my best interest at heart then and looking after and caring for me?

You need to care for you and have your own best interests at heart and not rely on somebody else to provide your happiness or give them the power to take it away from you. You also seem to be obsessing over getting your SP back, but without any real belief that you can do this. After the incidents you mentioned that cost you thousands of pounds in legal fees, that has probably given your confidence and self-esteem, if you had them before, quite a knock. It would be a lot better for you if you'd put him on the back burner for a bit and worked on getting your self esteem and confidence back. Then you can approach this from a point of power and strength rather than from weakness and neediness, neither of the latter two being at all attractive. My mother had low self-esteem, but she seemed better in that respect as long as my father was in the picture. He had always put her on a pedestal, given her her way at all times, and had been her yes man and enforcer, and this seemed to make her feel better about herself, to some degree anyway. However, he died suddenly, and she reverted back to being a needy child, and I was the only one left who would put up with her, after she'd managed to push most of her friends away, and I was the only one of her other family members who had ever been close to her or cared at all about her, and it was very draining to be around her and to try to make her feel better, which never did any good because only she could do that for herself but refused to even try. Also, judging by what you've said, it wasn't long ago you were calling your SP a 'sweetheart' but since then have said he's abusive, so I think you've got conflicting feelings about him that you'd need to resolve..