Cottoncandy wrote:

But upon realising that I realise that there is no way my guy would forgive me. I was horrible.

So you are saying that you are the only person with the only situation that is impossible, because you are such a horrible person? Don't take yourself so important. LoA doesn't make expections just for you.

When you feel horrible, you always have a belief going on. What your ex said only felt bad because you believed in it AND he only said it because you already believed it before. So I wouldn't try to change my behaviour (never works), but I would figure out what's behind the way you behave. I assume that behind being selfish, there is fear. If you would feel heard, would you feel the need to take over a conversation? Just an example..there could be a lot of other beliefs behind it.

What I would highly suggest is that you change your focus. Right now, you are very caught up in circumstances. You said that and then that happened. I normally skip those parts in people's posts, because all the details are irrelevant. I had to read it in this case, but as you see I don't talk about the situation, but what's behind the situation. You rationally know that you create your reality, but you don't KNOW it, else you wouldn't look at circumenstances the way you do. I guess you have already heard the mirror analogy 100 times. But think about it. Would you try to change the mirror and judge from what you see in the mirror? What you do when you talk about circumstances is being really sad about the chocolate you see in your face and how horrible it looks. You start to clean the mirror, but nothing changes. Doesn't make sense, but when it comes to reality people do it all the time. So focus more within. Always look at how you feel and see the correspondence to what happens to you and you will extract what you can learn about yourself in a situation and then drop it, because it's irrelevant to look at it further. You only wanted the information that you had chocolate in your face. Now you can clean it.

Sanshi wrote:

Cottoncandy wrote:

But upon realising that I realise that there is no way my guy would forgive me. I was horrible.

So you are saying that you are the only person with the only situation that is impossible, because you are such a horrible person? Don't take yourself so important. LoA doesn't make expections just for you.

When you feel horrible, you always have a belief going on. What your ex said only felt bad because you believed in it AND he only said it because you already believed it before. So I wouldn't try to change my behaviour (never works), but I would figure out what's behind the way you behave. I assume that behind being selfish, there is fear. If you would feel heard, would you feel the need to take over a conversation? Just an example..there could be a lot of other beliefs behind it.

What I would highly suggest is that you change your focus. Right now, you are very caught up in circumstances. You said that and then that happened. I normally skip those parts in people's posts, because all the details are irrelevant. I had to read it in this case, but as you see I don't talk about the situation, but what's behind the situation. You rationally know that you create your reality, but you don't KNOW it, else you wouldn't look at circumenstances the way you do. I guess you have already heard the mirror analogy 100 times. But think about it. Would you try to change the mirror and judge from what you see in the mirror? What you do when you talk about circumstances is being really sad about the chocolate you see in your face and how horrible it looks. You start to clean the mirror, but nothing changes. Doesn't make sense, but when it comes to reality people do it all the time. So focus more within. Always look at how you feel and see the correspondence to what happens to you and you will extract what you can learn about yourself in a situation and then drop it, because it's irrelevant to look at it further. You only wanted the information that you had chocolate in your face. Now you can clean it.

Okay I admit that I do feel like I need to better myself first before my guy will forgive me and for us to have our happy ever after. All these time that I don’t have contact with him that’s exactly what I did. So maybe I did create the reality where my ex said those things. I broke the 25 days challenge now. I contacted my guy first. Now what? How to change my focus? And change my focus to what?

I genuinely believe that I was focusing on myself and did all sorts of things to better myself. I stopped focusing on the lack of evidence such as he is not in the same country and we haven’t talked for a while. I had dreams about him. In my dream we’re already in the perfect relationship. That’s why I thought I was on the right track, cause I always woke up feeling amazing.

But if I really did create this reality does it mean that I was not actually doing the right things?

Yes, I’ve heard the mirror analogy and that’s what I thought I was doing focusing on my own growth.

Thank you so much for your help and reply to all of my posts.
 

Cottoncandy wrote:

Okay I admit that I do feel like I need to better myself first before my guy will forgive me and for us to have our happy ever after. All these time that I don’t have contact with him that’s exactly what I did. So maybe I did create the reality where my ex said those things. I broke the 25 days challenge now. I contacted my guy first. Now what? How to change my focus? And change my focus to what?

I genuinely believe that I was focusing on myself and did all sorts of things to better myself. I stopped focusing on the lack of evidence such as he is not in the same country and we haven’t talked for a while. I had dreams about him. In my dream we’re already in the perfect relationship. That’s why I thought I was on the right track, cause I always woke up feeling amazing.

But if I really did create this reality does it mean that I was not actually doing the right things?

Yes, I’ve heard the mirror analogy and that’s what I thought I was doing focusing on my own growth.

Thank you so much for your help and reply to all of my posts.
 

Nothing wrong with bettering yourself. That's what you should strive for every day in my opinion. But it takes time, especially as long as you aren't fully aware of what you have going on subconsciously. So don't push yourself too much and try to really look behind why you doing the thing you are doing. What you will find is that the reason for the most horrible behaviour isn't that horrible. Mostly it's just a way to protect yourself. Seeing that you start to understand yourself and you should be able to let go of it much easier instead of pushing against it and working hard to become a better person.

It's not a "maybe you did create it". You create everything, so you also created that. And isn't that beautiful? It's telling yourself "Hey, take a look at that issue within yourself so that you can resolve it". So with a shift of perspective, you could even be grateful for that experience instead of feeling horrible about it.

I was talking about shifting your general focus from circumstances and the outer world to your inner world, being more aware of how you feel and react to something than what the situation seemingly is. That gives you a lot insight about where you are at and has nothing to do with the guy, but is something that is a good idea in general, when you want to figure out how this works and make it work for you. Notice that I am not saying focusing on yourself like eating well and stuff like that. I mean focusing on the part of you that has creative control.

I can't tell you, if you did the right things. I am not a fan of the 25 day challenge or most of the LoA stuff you can find online, because I think most of it is based on a lack of understanding. The key is to believe that it is yours. But most people aren't able to get there with the 25 day challenge or Abraham or whatever. Neville says that you need to feel natural about your desire and I think that's true. You don't have to be extremely happy all the time. It's more a feeling of that it's normal for you to have it. When you can say "Of course he wil be back soon" and feel that way, then you are on the right track.

Cottoncandy wrote:

Thanks for your reply again, so like knowing that it’s happening and acting as if I’m expecting a call? So I don’t have to act as if he’s already here? Because that was really hard and confusing I felt silly acting like he’s there even though he’s not there. Because we’re not in contact. But I thought that if I’m just expecting him to eventually call me I will just get more of that desire while it is not really manifesting.

I personally think (and there are other opinions) that acting as if is crap. The word itself contains the reason why it will fail. When you act as if, you know that it's not true or at least that's what it implies to me. Think about your experience. Lets say you are nervous about a talk you have to give and you imagine that you will drop your manuscript and accidentally knock out your boss while you try to get it back or any other horror scenario that comes to mind. Lets say further that the talk is tomorrow. Do you act as if the talk is right now when you imagine it? Or do you imagine that it will happen that way tomorrow? [Note: Not every of that scenarios happens of course, but that's it, because you have some "doubts" in it and think "naaaah, it won't be THAT bad"]. Can you think of any NATURAL sitution where you pretend that something is there that you know will come? Do you pretend to get on the plane for your summer vacation today? You know that your plane WILL take of on a certain day...maybe bad example, because there is a time limit to it. But even when you know that person XY will act in that way, you put it in the future and it still happens. The key point is that you know now that it will happen. I really like the Amazon example: You order something and the moment you order it, you have it in sense. Nobody can take it from you, because you have paid for it - it's yours. Just because it isn't in your hands right now doesn't mean it isn't yours.
Trust me, I did all that acting as if stuff, went on a walk hand in hand with my imaginary friend, even installed a fake whatsapp that showed messages that weren't there. And you are totally right. This IS silly. It isn't what you naturally do in your day to day life. Look at how you already manifest the good, the bad and the ugly. You can learn from it a lot, because you already do it all the time and you are perfect in it. You just need to direct it correctly. When you are fully certain that he will call and you expect it calmly and happily, because you know it's already done, it will happen, even when you put it into the future, promise.

Just another note: I think "putting it in the now" approach works, but you need to have a lot of skills. You can get back to it when you are a black belt in manifesting. But for now, I think the other approach is much more comfortable and natural.

Cottoncandy wrote:

Thanks!!! Yes this makes so much sense. I think amazon analogy explains things better and would feel so much more natural to do. Thank you again for your reply.

You are welcome.