Mandy11 wrote:

Hi all. Long time lurker.

My husband broke up with me one year ago. He's been in a new relationship for six months or longer. I saw him at Christmas after a long period of no contact and he was very upset but told me he was happy with her.

It's been months and they're still together.

It might sound crazy but I wouldn't mind if he was single... Enough time has passed that I'm not attached to our relationship, but him being in a serious relationship with someone else really hurts me.

I know focussing on it makes it worse but I've really been struggling this past couple of days and I don't know what to do.

M x

 
What is it that you want exactly? You're very unclear. Are you saying you want him back or want to be able to forget about him?

Mandy11 wrote:

Hi all. Long time lurker.

My husband broke up with me one year ago. He's been in a new relationship for six months or longer. I saw him at Christmas after a long period of no contact and he was very upset but told me he was happy with her.

It's been months and they're still together.

It might sound crazy but I wouldn't mind if he was single... Enough time has passed that I'm not attached to our relationship, but him being in a serious relationship with someone else really hurts me.
Edit to add: I want him back, of course, that's why I'm here. But realistically that can't happen in the near future. I would like to accept his relationship or hear stories about how others overcame being in this situation.

I know focussing on it makes it worse but I've really been struggling this past couple of days and I don't know what to do.

M x

You've got a lot of limiting beliefs about this situation.  You're going by outward appearances which don't really mean anything. Even if he told you he's happy with her it doesn't mean it's true or that if it is true that it can't be changed. She could well be a rebound, but that doesn't matter. You've already decided it isn't realistic to get him back in the near future. If you want him back you need to ignore the current reality, not accept that he is with somebody else, and not put your own limitations on it. Neville said and proved that imagination creates reality, so what you need to do is imagine the two of you happily back together as though it is happening now and is an accomplished fact, which Neville called 'living in the end of the wish fulfilled'. When Neville wanted to marry his second wife, all he did, before he went to sleep at night, was to imagine himself blissfully happily married to her and what their lives would be like being happily together. He didn't bring sex into it or obsess about it all day. His nighttime imagining was all he did, and that was the same for a lady who asked for his advice whose story was told in his book The Law and the Promise. Be patient, persist, and do this simple procedure and don't worry about how long it might take or that it won't work. Your beliefs about this are the only things that are important. I recommend reading and/or listening to Neville. Below is a link to his recording of The Secret of Imagining, which is less than 17 minutes long and should help you understand this.
 
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YccI-t1yojk

Mandy11 wrote:

Thanks, Cynthia.

I've read most of Neville's work (I've been following Agnes for many months).

My struggle is that I can commit to visualising at night and even to many weeks on end of living as if (I'm generally in no contact) but then his relationship will come into my reality and send me back to square one.

I really appreciate your reply and I will try

 
Everybody gets down sometimes. You don't have to be perfect all the time. How do you know it's sending you back to square one - because you think of it sometimes and get upset, or because you've seen them together somewhere or heard her mentioned? Getting down sometimes doesn't negate everything you've done. It's the repetitive negative thinking that will do that. How do you know that it might not change today or tomorrow? Things could change that fast, but you've got to believe that it's possible. Start thinking thoughts that serve you better. What if he rang you up seemingly out of the blue today or next week and told you he'd made a terrible mistake leaving you, you were the one he really loved, and he wanted to come home to you right now? That's a possibility. There are many, many possibilities, but you've got to open your mind to them. You said you've read a lot of Neville. Why not try revising some things that have happened or things that have been said? Doing that has helped me get over some negative feelings I've had for my SP. Start choosing positive thoughts over the negative ones. You and your beliefs are what will change this situation or not. I don't do social media, but there are many on this forum who do and who upset themselves by checking their SP's social media compulsively all the time, so if you are one of them, stop. It's not helping you. It's holding the people who do it back. As Neville said, the only person who can keep you from having what you want is you. His lecture called Brazen Impudence might help you. He talks about this very thing, and the importance of being persistent. You can read it for free online.

Last edited by Cynthia (4/01/2018 1:38 pm)

Mandy11 wrote:

Thank you, I read it last night

I've always been a bit intimidated that visualising before sleep is integral to Neville's success.
Although I do this, sometimes I fall asleep before it happens. If I do manage it, I don't know if I'm visualising correctly. Neville's writing makes it seem like he is totally transported but I struggle to make it anywhere near as vivid. Is it the feeling that matters?

If you are worried about falling asleep do your visualing exercise at a different time of the day and do it sitting up. Then u are experience the full intensity of it. 

As for his current relationship it is nothing to worry or concern yourself with. This relationship could be exactly what he needs right now to show him you are the one he wants to be with. So simply wish him well and get back to living your best life.

As Cynthia said the occasionally negative thought isn't a problem. But you must mentally move your mental state to one who is recieving what you desire. Make your life full and rich. Start tending to yourself and practice meditation and gratitude - and your state will become more consistent.

Last edited by Oasiscalm (4/02/2018 5:08 am)