1 of 1- authenticself
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Offline - Registered: 9/21/2017
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This Setback Kinda Broke Me Down A Bit
So he brings up another past issue, after we were no longer living together. The pregnancy scare, the guy I was dating that I never told him about and a sexual encounter that I didn’t want at all, but never said no to.....I am really upset right now over this because I was working on myself to rewrite everything over so I won’t live in the past. He only brought it up because he plans to move to another country and does not want me to cause a scene to hold him back.
But in my mind I had the idea that he would stay willingly because he finally gave into his feelings for me. No where was I thinking omigosh, I need to find a way to convince him to stay because that’s just crazy talk. Now I did file a report for the sexual encounter, but because I didn’t say no it didn’t count. Even though I was crying during the process and so he is kinda holding that against me. It’s kinda like tying into my old belief where he only sees me in a bad light. And maybe the fact that I started crying over this set back is an indication that I still carry that belief somewhere.
And some part of me is starting to kinda feel like it’s impossible for things to work because of what just happened. All these things are serious matters, but none of them happened out of ill will. I was just at a very low point in my life and felt like I can never come out. I only just started working on myself. And I don’t want this to cause me to crash right back down......the only reason he is moving to another country is because he gave up on his plans he had with me. Other than that he would not be leaving.
- authenticself
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Re: This Setback Kinda Broke Me Down A Bit
I haven’t stopped crying because I am mad.....I am tired of being seen as someone I am not.....and these events felt like a knife went through me. I was trying to move on from the past because the past should stay in the past.....
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Thread Starter- Cynthia
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Re: This Setback Kinda Broke Me Down A Bit
authenticself wrote:
I haven’t stopped crying because I am mad.....I am tired of being seen as someone I am not.....and these events felt like a knife went through me. I was trying to move on from the past because the past should stay in the past.....
I know it's easier said than done - believe me, I know! - but if you want a different end result, you've got to stop letting all of these current outward appearances get to you, ignore them the best you can, and in your imagination, 'live from the end of the wish fulfilled', which means imagining that things are the way you want them to be right now, not at some future time, but right now. Otherwise, if you keep letting all of these undesirable issues get to you and focus on them a lot, they're going to keep you from having what you do want, and I'm sure you don't want that.
If you're panicking that he's about ready to move to another country so you feel a sense of urgency to stop that, he could always change his mind, and even if he did move, he could always move back again. Nothing is set in stone.
Last edited by Cynthia (3/02/2018 3:38 pm)
The first man to raise a fist is the man who has run out of ideas.
- authenticself
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Re: This Setback Kinda Broke Me Down A Bit
I haven’t stopped crying because I am mad.....I am tired of being seen as someone I am not.....and these events felt like a knife went through me. I was trying to move on from the past because the past should stay in the past.....
I know it's easier said than done - believe me, I know! - but if you want a different end result, you've got to stop letting all of these current outward appearances get to you, ignore them the best you can, and in your imagination, 'live from the end of the wish fulfilled', which means imagining that things are the way you want them to be right now, not at some future time, but right now. Otherwise, if you keep letting all of these undesirable issues get to you and focus on them a lot, they're going to keep you from having what you do want, and I'm sure you don't want that.
If you're panicking that he's about ready to move to another country so you feel a sense of urgency to stop that, he could always change his mind, and even if he did move, he could always move back again. Nothing is set in stone.
I am not worried about him moving away because I know people can change their mind. But he is over here talking about past problems between us and how because of those past problems he is worried I am going to do something to hold him back from going, which never crossed my mind because I imagined him staying out of his own will, not because of anything I did.
And to hold the fact that the rape case got closed against me and assuming that I regretted the sexual experience got me mad because I did not agree to it at all, he wasn’t there when it happened. For him to say he feels otherwise gets me mad. Now what worries me is because of this one situation he is not going to be with me. I am tired of the mistrust, like I come from a toxic environment as it is. It’s hard to believe he can let this image of me go.
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Thread Starter- authenticself
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Re: This Setback Kinda Broke Me Down A Bit
I suddenly feel like apologizing to him, I don’t know why though....maybe I am overthinking things.
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Thread Starter- Cynthia
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Re: This Setback Kinda Broke Me Down A Bit
I haven’t stopped crying because I am mad.....I am tired of being seen as someone I am not.....and these events felt like a knife went through me. I was trying to move on from the past because the past should stay in the past.....
I know it's easier said than done - believe me, I know! - but if you want a different end result, you've got to stop letting all of these current outward appearances get to you, ignore them the best you can, and in your imagination, 'live from the end of the wish fulfilled', which means imagining that things are the way you want them to be right now, not at some future time, but right now. Otherwise, if you keep letting all of these undesirable issues get to you and focus on them a lot, they're going to keep you from having what you do want, and I'm sure you don't want that.
If you're panicking that he's about ready to move to another country so you feel a sense of urgency to stop that, he could always change his mind, and even if he did move, he could always move back again. Nothing is set in stone.I am not worried about him moving away because I know people can change their mind. But he is over here talking about past problems between us and how because of those past problems he is worried I am going to do something to hold him back from going, which never crossed my mind because I imagined him staying out of his own will, not because of anything I did.
And to hold the fact that the rape case got closed against me and assuming that I regretted the sexual experience got me mad because I did not agree to it at all, he wasn’t there when it happened. For him to say he feels otherwise gets me mad. Now what worries me is because of this one situation he is not going to be with me. I am tired of the mistrust, like I come from a toxic environment as it is. It’s hard to believe he can let this image of me go.
Rehashing all of these negative things over and over again is not getting you anywhere, or haven't you noticed? You're giving more and more power to these negative things the more you dwell on them. If you want things to change for the better, you've got to drop the negative things, put the past in the past, (and what happened even one second ago is already the past), and imagine things being the way you want them to be as if they are already that way now, persist and be patient. You're perpetuating these comments from him by reliving them, and it's making him continue to do and say things you don't want him to do and say because that's what you are still expecting of him by all of this rehashing. Start imagining him saying what you DO want to hear and doing what you DO want him to do if that's really what you want to have happen.
The first man to raise a fist is the man who has run out of ideas.
- authenticself
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Offline
- Registered: 9/21/2017
- Posts: 119
Re: This Setback Kinda Broke Me Down A Bit
I know it's easier said than done - believe me, I know! - but if you want a different end result, you've got to stop letting all of these current outward appearances get to you, ignore them the best you can, and in your imagination, 'live from the end of the wish fulfilled', which means imagining that things are the way you want them to be right now, not at some future time, but right now. Otherwise, if you keep letting all of these undesirable issues get to you and focus on them a lot, they're going to keep you from having what you do want, and I'm sure you don't want that.
If you're panicking that he's about ready to move to another country so you feel a sense of urgency to stop that, he could always change his mind, and even if he did move, he could always move back again. Nothing is set in stone.I am not worried about him moving away because I know people can change their mind. But he is over here talking about past problems between us and how because of those past problems he is worried I am going to do something to hold him back from going, which never crossed my mind because I imagined him staying out of his own will, not because of anything I did.
And to hold the fact that the rape case got closed against me and assuming that I regretted the sexual experience got me mad because I did not agree to it at all, he wasn’t there when it happened. For him to say he feels otherwise gets me mad. Now what worries me is because of this one situation he is not going to be with me. I am tired of the mistrust, like I come from a toxic environment as it is. It’s hard to believe he can let this image of me go.
Rehashing all of these negative things over and over again is not getting you anywhere, or haven't you noticed? You're giving more and more power to these negative things the more you dwell on them. If you want things to change for the better, you've got to drop the negative things, put the past in the past, (and what happened even one second ago is already the past), and imagine things being the way you want them to be as if they are already that way now, persist and be patient. You're perpetuating these comments from him by reliving them, and it's making him continue to do and say things you don't want him to do and say because that's what you are still expecting of him by all of this rehashing. Start imagining him saying what you DO want to hear and doing what you DO want him to do if that's really what you want to have happen.
You said to be patient....maybe apart of me is impatient because I have been focusing on the positive’s that I want from him, but by reacting to the negatives may be insight to not feeling it is happening quick enough. If anything the only part of me that is bothered by this is my ego. Cuz the ego likes to live in the past. I need to breathe.
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Thread StarterVeronica Isles LOA coach veronicaislescoaching.com