hey everyone! 
I'll try to summarize the story in a very few sentences cause I dont want to concentrate on the past with my specific person. 
I had met him when I was in a dark period of my life and had really low self esteem, but he really liked me, he would call me and talk to me all the time, and keep telling me he would only think of me, it went on wonderfully for a few months, we talked a lot and had amazing chemistry. then low and behold an old fling of his calls him telling him she's pregnant, and that was it. he said he wanted to own up to his actions and decided to raise his child with this woman. this is just the society we both live in, valuing traditions and family first. 
I was devastated, thinking thoughts like "of course, he is a wonderful man, he deserves a normal life with a great woman like that, not like me ,  I am not good enough". really who the he** thinks like that of themselves.
months pass, and my life started getting better, and I decide to contact him to ask how he is, he jumps at the opportunity to meet me, and one thing leads to another, and we have a fling.  I don't know what I was doing but I had always been too attracted to him, and maybe deep down I hoped something will come out of it. of course i felt super guilty, which lead to awkward situations, where he agreed its better to stop this and then again we'd kiss and just not be able to take our hands off eachother. 

I reached a conclusion to do no contact, for my own sake to get over this, but hoping maybe the situation would change.  I hadnt talked to him close to three months now, and he did not reach out at all that left me with the feeling of being even stupid to think he actually cared for me.

and to top it all, i have this nagging feeling of being the other women (even though I was not in the beginning), and being the "home-wrecker" keeps creeping up on me. I want to be with him like we were before, just enjoying eachother companies and I dont care if theres a child in the mix, the more the merrier, but I still feel like a horrible person for wanting that! and I Think thats why my manifestation is getting stuck. and also I cant move on to find another love or attract a good relationship. just ridden with this feeling of guilt. 
 help!