PrettyFlamingo wrote:

I guess it depends on what the behaviour is. Being constantly late for example is annoying. Do you think you should ignore that? Or simply tell the person how you feel about it and say you'd like it if they showed up on time and why? Before I get told off for that not using law of attraction, what would you do in that situation? Tell them how it makes you feel or spend time visualising, affirming and remotely influencing them to be punctual?

Would someone show up late all the time because they're allowed to get away with it because we are "pushing out" that they can?

As I say it depends on what the behaviour is and how much it affects you.

Honest question: Have you ever had success with telling someone to stop a behaviour especially when it made you angry/annoyed? I am just asking because I hadn't. When people are always late, after a while I find myself adjusting to it and go there later myself. With my ex, I told him to do a very very small thing that he easily could have done but he just didn't do it (it was a daily or at least weekly thing - so very much potential for arguments). I didn't understand why back then, because it was so small and so simple. It didn't make sense to me that he wouldn't do it for me, because I knew he loved me. So what was going on here? Well, there is a reason that it's called a law. You cannot choose to use it or not use it. It's always active, it's the principle that "creates" experiences. Without it, there wouldn't be an experience. So doing it the "non LoA way" is just using the Law unknowingly - and therefore without a guaranee it turning out the way you want.
Years ago when I had no clue about this stuff, I decided that I would lose weight the "non LoA way", because it felt too hard for me to use LoA on it. So I just ate less and was looking at my calory intake, because I BELIEVED that would make me lose weight. Guess what? I lost weight. And guess what? When I reached the weight that I was picturing on my scale before without even noticing, it stopped. So did I lose weight, because I ate less? No, I lost weight, because I believed that eating less would make me lose weight. And that way of thinking is the very reason why we have such a hard time applying this stuff in our favor. "Imagine them differently is hard, so I will just go up to them and tell them what annoys me about them and hopefully they will change." You can do that. It can work, but then you use the going up and telling them as an excuse to change your beliefs about them. You BELIEVE that this will change things and it will. Or you doubt that it will change things, you do it anyway, but nothing will change. But it's not the going up to them and talking about it, it's not the eating less, it's what you believe about it. You use some outer seeming causes as excuse to change yourself. That can work. Problem with it is that you still believe in outer causes what makes it hard to believe in something that you can't see coming at all.
 

@PrettyFlamingo, I totally get what you're saying. I did bring it up and it didn't change as he didn't see it. So, perhaps it's my expectations of him and the fact that I'm an overthinker (working on that).

@Sanshi, ok, so how do I change what I expect of him? Since I seem to project my insecurities on him and I need that to stop. 

He's been distant a bit lately. I asked him about it, and seemed to make it worse. I try to only focus on good attributes and ignore anything I don't like. 

Sanshi wrote:

piper wrote:

@Sanshi, ok, so how do I change what I expect of him? Since I seem to project my insecurities on him and I need that to stop.

Well, I don't think there is one answer for all people or at least I haven't figured it out completely yet.
First step for me would be to acknowledge that it's all your projection. Observe yourself. What are you imagining about him? How do you expect him to act? What meaning do you give his actions? Then realize that it is just a reflection of you. Nothing to change there, no meaning there. I bet, when you have done that for a week you already feel different about it. I won't trigger you anymore, because you know where it's coming from. Then you see that it's just a choice and that you can choose something different. You leave your old choice behind like an empty shell and move into the new choice.

I know that he is projecting back to me what I'm thinking - I see it. So when I say he's being distant, it's because that's my belief that he is. So, I have to figure out how to change my thinking about that. I give his action a lot of meaning and I analyze them trying to figure out what I've done wrong, but we know what I am doing wrong, I think I just didn't fully want to acknowledge it. I think on the outside, I expect him to act differently than what I'm expecting in my thoughts; perhaps a bit of self-sabotage is going on. I will work to get a handle on that. 

Sanshi wrote:

piper wrote:

I know that he is projecting back to me what I'm thinking - I see it. So when I say he's being distant, it's because that's my belief that he is. So, I have to figure out how to change my thinking about that. I give his action a lot of meaning and I analyze them trying to figure out what I've done wrong, but we know what I am doing wrong, I think I just didn't fully want to acknowledge it. I think on the outside, I expect him to act differently than what I'm expecting in my thoughts; perhaps a bit of self-sabotage is going on. I will work to get a handle on that. 

Isn't that cool? You already see it. It's not really about changing your thinking. I know that this is was most teachers suggest, but I think the thoughts are coming from your state. You don't have to change your thoughts, you only have to change your state and thoughts and feelings follow. It's really about what you feel to be true and that will generate thoughts, feelings and color your memories. So it's really about becoming the person you were if it were true.

I've been reading Neville for a long time, and I think I've always tried to fix how people see me, knowing that it's the way I see myself, but have never quite been able to fully grasp how to do it. This is where I'm stuck. I know the type of person I am and how I desire to see him and our relationship, and how I want him to see me, just not sure how to go about it. Visualization, affirmations, and self-talk are things the I've implemented into my daily life, but then my insecurities mess with me and it feels as though I lose everything that I've done that day. Perhaps revision would be something that I should do nightly. Thank you so much for your help. Sorry if I ask more questions. 
 

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

I guess it depends on what the behaviour is. Being constantly late for example is annoying. Do you think you should ignore that? Or simply tell the person how you feel about it and say you'd like it if they showed up on time and why? Before I get told off for that not using law of attraction, what would you do in that situation? Tell them how it makes you feel or spend time visualising, affirming and remotely influencing them to be punctual?

Would someone show up late all the time because they're allowed to get away with it because we are "pushing out" that they can?

As I say it depends on what the behaviour is and how much it affects you.

In a couple of your posts your say statements about being "told off for not using LOA". Stop doing that.

You are entitled to your opinion and don't feel the need to justify whether they are LOA or not. LOA is LOA is happening whether you are aware or not. There are millions of people delibratly creating and they have never picked up an LOA book in their life. LOA is not all about visualising etc etc.