1 of 1- PrettyFlamingo
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Limiting Beliefs Part One
I've wondered if I have held limiting beliefs about my ability to attract whoever I want and sustain that relationship. This is why. I have been thinking about this, and maybe I have uncovered some.
I've only ever been "chosen" by guys who weren't suitable, and I have had to end the relationship, or no relationship ever ensued because they were strange or not right for me. If it is me who likes someone and wants to choose, well .......... in the past if I met someone I liked, I'd daydream about them. I wouldn't visualise, employ any techniques, I didn't know about Law of Attraction. Then I'd sort of think about them in "silly" terms. I'd see myself as a bit of a nuisance, someone who would have to make myself worthy of that individual. I'd have small steps I'd have to do in order to get them to notice me, say, bump into them, invent reasons to talk to them, get them to do something for me. Then I would worry that they were annoyed by me. If I had a date, I would think that I couldn't mention it because if they found out I'd talked about them, they would be angry. This is probably precipitated because when I was 12 I had a crush on a boy in school - and perhaps in an early example of "acting as if", I told a couple of girls he was my boyfriend. He went ballistic, told me I couldn't go around saying things like that and he wouldn't touch me with a bargepole anyway.
I always thought I had to do small steps. Get them to notice me, then talk to them, then make myself interesting - but none of that ever worked. Now we talk about "visualising the end result" and we visualise being married to that person, living with them, etc. I wouldn't do that as I used to think things like "don't expect too much" "you've only just met them don't get carried away" and imagining yourself married to someone you have only just met was tied into stalking, weirdness and trying to get them "tied down". I always felt that they didn't want to be "tied down" (but how else is a relationship ever to happen??!!) So then of course in an attempt to prove I wasn't going to tie them down I'd behave in a stupid acceptance of crumbs way. "Don't expect too much. Don't worry if they don't call or choose someone else. Don't say anything, be sweet and forgiving or they'll never come back"
Underlying all that was always probably the thought I had to prove myself as I wasn't really good enough, maybe? Then when nothing developed, I'd tell myself "what do you expect, why would he choose you? Then rinse and repeat.
I must add though that I do not pester people, I do not chase where I am not wanted, and I back off if I see rejection looming now or nothing happening. Nor do I put up with disrespectful behaviour from people. When they disappear though I do become baffled.
We have all this head knowledge, from reading posts on this board and the wise answers, but yet same old same old. I still haven't been sought out, chosen - and I am tired of being the one who sees someone, likes them, and then it stalls. Enough is enough now and I want everything to change.
Last edited by PrettyFlamingo (12/28/2017 8:18 pm)
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- PrettyFlamingo
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Re: Limiting Beliefs Part One
Sanshi I'd quite like your take on this if you have a mo. thanks.
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Thread Starter- Sanshi
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Re: Limiting Beliefs Part One
PrettyFlamingo wrote:
I've wondered if I have held limiting beliefs about my ability to attract whoever I want and sustain that relationship.
You have to, else your experiences would be different. I don't like the expression (limiting) belief too much, because it implies (at least for me) that it's just one thought inside your head that you have to change and that it's hard to change. It's neither hard nor is it just a thought. I like the word state more and more, because it describes better what is going on.
I've only ever been "chosen" by guys who weren't suitable, and I have had to end the relationship, or no relationship ever ensued because they were strange or not right for me.
That's was a result of your state. You expected it on some level and now you are expecting it, because that was your experience. You automatically fall back into that state, when you meet someone because you have practiced that state.
I'd daydream about them. I wouldn't visualise, employ any techniques, I didn't know about Law of Attraction.
You know what's funny? Since I have been "trying" to use LoA for relationships I only failed. I had a lot of success in other areas, but not with guys. Before, I got every single one I wanted, since then I drove every single one away (I am talking about 4 different guys in a row here). What happened? I tried to make it happen. I wasn't into visualising, so I had a lot of selftalk...basically affirmations, but more as dialogue with myself, not repeating it over and over again. Why did I fail every single time? Simple. Because the selftalk came from the place of not having it. Why would you want to make something happen? Because it hasn't happen yet! With my selftalk and focus on it, I attracted not having it..and I had success with it every single time!!! (Congrats to me) That's the best example that techniques do nothing for you, they can even bring harm. Daydreaming doesn't alway bring success, but can, if you (by accident) enter the state of being with them already. When I visualised something it was like watching a movie - I knew that I did it just to make something happen and it wasn't natural. Daydreaming is different. You leave the room while daydreaming. You are in the scene, it's not only a movie. If you don't end the daydream with "but that's not how it is", it has potential to become reality. But it isn't the daydream or the visual part of it, but the change of states you did.
We have all this head knowledge, from reading posts on this board and the wise answers, but yet same old same old. I still haven't been sought out, chosen - and I am tired of being the one who sees someone, likes them, and then it stalls. Enough is enough now and I want everything to change.
That's the spirit. In order for everything to change you have to change. Right now, you are in a state of being frustrated with relationships, having bad experiences. That's the part you have to leave behind and become the version of you who has the relationship she wants. I don't want you to pretend that you have something physically that isn't there. I don't want you to choose the thoughts you would think had you the relationship. I don't want you to feel good about the relationship. It's more like that: You can feel something about you that is completely unrelated to the world. Let's say someone calls you and just says "your mom died". I bet you would change states immediately. From one second to the next, you would feel horrible. You ask who is there, then you realize that you don't know that person and that this message wasn't for you. Your state changes drastically again. You call your mom and she is happy and healthy. What happened? Nothing really. You had no real physical cause to change states. You did it because you gave meaning to the message you got. When you realized that you don't know the person, you changed the meaning of the message and your state changed again. That means that your state isn't dependent on anything on the outside. You just make it dependent. That means on the other hand that you can create a state on your own without "help" from the outside. You can just decide: "Okay, I am now the person who is in that happy relationship, period!"..completely independent from the outside world. You don't claim that this is what you have on the outside. When a friend ask you, you say: "I am not in a relationship atm, but I feel myself to be in one". It's the concept that you have about yourself. It has nothing to do with the outside world. You can have no money to give to someone but think about yourself as a generous person - that's assuming a state without having physical evidence. You can do the same with everything. Make it about your inner world without any connection to your outside world and you skip all doubt, worry and trouble. Because you don't try to make something happen. You just decided that this is the person you are and you stick to that. When you make that your goal - to BE a person having a happy relationship on the inside - you skip all the BS and get what you want.
"Self-abandonment. That is the secret. We have to abandon ourselves to the state, in our love for the state, and in so doing live the life of the state and no more our present state. And to make the state alive, one must become it."
Neville Goddard ~ The Law and the Promise
Veronica Isles LOA coach veronicaislescoaching.com