YesIWILL wrote:

I'm just rethinking everything I've done to push her away. I mean she got so creeped out she almost filed a restraining order. She had her cousin pick up the phone when I tried calling one time. Like I pushed her away SO badly, probably more than anyone here had.

So I guess my question is, is there really no limit to circumstances? Because I'm feeling like I've reached that limit a long time ago. She's still ignoring me 2+ years later... I've been working on myself and have been trying to stay positive these past few days.

In fact, I'm not feeling too badly right now. I'm actually feeling a little hopeful. But there's that seed of doubt based on just how far I've pushed her away.

thanks.

I didn't push him away at all, and especially not to almost getting a restraining order on me, so it's a different situation in that sense, but my POI cut me off and ignored me for 4 years and 4 months because he took out what other women had done to him on me. I was nothing but kind and supportive. When I finally stopped feeling anything for him, the next month he contacted me and was very keen. Unfortunately, we've had a falling out since then, but I'm sure we'll be back in touch when the time is right.

From what you said, it sounds like you were practically stalking her. Well, if it's any consolation, my mother wasn't interested in my father and would actually hide from him. They worked at the same place, and she'd ask the other girls to say she'd gone until he left. Eventually he won her over and they were married a long time until he died.

I think you need to not contact her at all, definitely give it a big rest,  but I wanted you to know that anything is possible. My father was very persistent and always believed that he could win my mother over in spite of her protests that she could never love him enough to marry him.  My former in-laws were the same. My former mother-in-law didn't like my former  father-in-law at first, and they were married even longer than my parents were until he died.

It might not look good right now, but it is not hopeless.
 

YesIWILL wrote:

Cynthia wrote:

YesIWILL wrote:

I'm just rethinking everything I've done to push her away. I mean she got so creeped out she almost filed a restraining order. She had her cousin pick up the phone when I tried calling one time. Like I pushed her away SO badly, probably more than anyone here had.

So I guess my question is, is there really no limit to circumstances? Because I'm feeling like I've reached that limit a long time ago. She's still ignoring me 2+ years later... I've been working on myself and have been trying to stay positive these past few days.

In fact, I'm not feeling too badly right now. I'm actually feeling a little hopeful. But there's that seed of doubt based on just how far I've pushed her away.

thanks.

I didn't push him away at all, and especially not to almost getting a restraining order on me, so it's a different situation in that sense, but my POI cut me off and ignored me for 4 years and 4 months because he took out what other women had done to him on me. I was nothing but kind and supportive. When I finally stopped feeling anything for him, the next month he contacted me and was very keen. Unfortunately, we've had a falling out since then, but I'm sure we'll be back in touch when the time is right.

From what you said, it sounds like you were practically stalking her. Well, if it's any consolation, my mother wasn't interested in my father and would actually hide from him. They worked at the same place, and she'd ask the other girls to say she'd gone until he left. Eventually he won her over and they were married a long time until he died.

I think you need to not contact her at all, definitely give it a big rest,  but I wanted you to know that anything is possible. My father was very persistent and always believed that he could win my mother over in spite of her protests that she could never love him enough to marry him.  My former in-laws were the same. My former mother-in-law didn't like my former  father-in-law at first, and they were married even longer than my parents were until he died.

It might not look good right now, but it is not hopeless.
 

I wasn't physically stalking her. But I did become super needy. Called a LOT and texted a LOT (I'm talking hundreds of missed calls and texts per day. Like REALLY bad... I'm ashamed of myself for doing that... especially toward someone I love.


Thank you so much. That does give me a little more hope, thank you!

Forgive yourself. You're human. You know better now, it's been a learning experience, and presumably you won't do that again. My father practically stalked my mother, but they didn't call it that back then, and it worked out, so you do have some hope.
 

But it really is important to forgive yourself.  For  EVERYTHING       Yes.  You might have made mistakes that led to the breakup.   And yes. You aren’t happy how you’ve handled things since

But it’s so important to forgive yourself.    Remember like Cynthia said, you are human.  We all f up


It sounds so cliche.  But make peace with the pest so you can get ready for the future

Thanks guys. That may be part of it. I guess another part of me worries if I was a rebound (at least for some time) because she'd accidentally call me by her ex's last name a few times... she'd tell me she was over him, but things she'd do or say kind of showed otherwise. But then again, that was early 2015 from like Feb to April-ish. Then she seemed to lose interest in me over time, but in November she brought me food her mom made for Thanksgiving and kissed me. And then that night told me she liked me, but not enough to be in a relationship with me... then on Christmas Eve, she invited me to Church with her family (which means a lot. She wouldn't do that with just a friend). And then in January 2016, when we were arguing, she said, "How could you even think you're 'just a friend', when I invite you to spend time with me and my family on multiple occasions?!" etc. (I'd hang out with her and her parents, we'd go out to eat sometimes, we'd all watch movies together, her mom would question me about my future, my intentions with her daughter, etc... so those are good signs) After that, in 2016, we were in this "IDK" stage, at least from her point. She wouldn't let me talk to her about it because whenever I'd bring up a relationship, she'd get angry and yell at me or reply with "I don't know." And then in April 2016 she kissed me, and then after kissing after I smirked and said, "See? You do still have feelings for me", she pushed me off of her, not angrily, but said, "No I don't." (clearly she did at least to some degree... I could tell...)

But since then, I took her out on a picnic and we flirted a little, even though she told me she doesn't feel the same toward me anymore, she doesn't have feelings for me, etc.

Then over months, she blocked me, we argued a lot, she told me she has feelings for someone else (hoping she was just saying that) and threatened a restraining order, then blocked me everywhere.

So it's like somethings showed she had feelings for me, and then some didn't. And it makes me feel like maybe I wasn't the only guy on her mind, or that she didn't really have those feelings for me, which brings me down. I hope that's not the case. 

I just want commitment from her and I want her back. It's hard seeing she'd come back if she never truly had deep feelings for me, even though sometimes she'd show otherwise (we'd skype for 6+ hours sometimes, etc. for example)... maybe that's why I feel like it won't happen because I can't convince myself that her feelings were genuine...

Last edited by YesIWILL (9/28/2017 5:32 pm)