whitebutterflies11 wrote:

I really think you hit the nail on the head with my POI. I do think he needs more time to mature, for lack of a better word. He just turned 31. I'm 29. Men (esp in today's society do seem to take a little longer to grow up) and him specifically, he has made comments about his past and his regrets. I do think he's afraid of commitment and definitely being hurt. Bc the night he ended things he said "well how much longer would we see if this works, a year? And if it doesn't, then more emotion will be involved." That right there sounds to me like he's sparing himself from potential hurt. I feel like now any girl he sees is casual- girls he knows there's no future with. He comes from a very strict and judgmental family who have specific expectations for the kind of woman he should be with (all of which I fit)

Oh, I was confused about how you'd be getting the message to him. It's alright. Still act as if the other person received it & passed it along. I've never tried the technique you tried the other day, but it sounds like good stuff! How often can you do that?

The way you talk about your compatibilty with your POI is EXACTLY like my situation. It was crazy each time finding out more about each other. We were both like damn! It was a breath of fresh air. Not only are we highly similar in all areas- from goal to idiosyncrasies to family background- it's unbelievable, I am extremely attracted to him. I kept saying it felt too good to be true & I kept doubting his interest in me and our whole relationship. So I know I manifested my currently reality. Through my negative thoughts & words. Which is why I HAVE to keep the faith. I know if I've manifested this physical reality, I can manifest having him back in my life with me.

Let's stay positive. We got this!!

This time I'm typing this elsewhere and am going to try to copy and paste it so I don't lose the whole message

again.

I'm frustrated right now because I have finally realised that the yard cleanup company I dealt with last month

have led me down the garden path all this time, leading me to believe they were going to come back and

maintain the work they've done, only to finally realise that the person in charge has been stringing me along

with no intention of ever coming back. To think that I was even worried that something had happened to him. I

rang him on the 6th, which was the first of the two dates I thought he was going to come and do the work, and

he told me he was driving and would ring me back, and then until today the message playing was the only

thing I got in all of this time. Today when I tried to ring him for the first time in over a week, he didn't say

anything, but the line was open and it sounded like it was outside. I said something, but since I didn't get a

response, I hung up and tried again and got the message playing again.   He's just a coward.  He'd even

marked down the dates when he was going to come this month, to be confirmed, and apparently he never

meant it at all, so now I've got to find somebody else, which is what I've been trying to do.

I don't think men maturing later is anything new. It's always been that way. I heard Judge Judy say some time

ago that she didn't think that men were 'cooked' before they were fifty, and I'm not sure that's even old

enough.  When I was 17, my 16-year-old boyfriend was far more mature than any other male I've ever known or

met throughout my entire lifetime.  He was more of a man than anybody else, and he really knew now to treat a

woman right.  

You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders, and you write with thoughtfulness and intelligence.  

I think you're right about my attempt to pass a message along to my POI. I do this a lot, I know I do. I infer an

opponent when there might not be one unless I make it that way. That's because I grew up with a major

opponent to everything, and that was my father.  However, I know for a fact that many of the people in that

same sort of business related to that person have been very uncooperativee, unhelpful, and obstructive, which

is why I had that thought in the first place. They are not normal people.

After I did that ho'oponopono the other day, I think it was by the next day that I felt it was easier than I'd ever

felt it before to imagine my POI and I together and happy with things being the way I wanted them to be. It was

so easy at that time to make it more real than I've ever been able to make it before, and I've been able to make

it pretty real before.  

Since then, I've been in a strange mood. I think it's because this extra illness has dragged me down more and

has been taking longer than usual to go away, and now I've got all of the extra stresses of finding other people

to do the work outside, I've been looking for a plumber for ages because the last two let me down after making

various promises that they never kept, and I've still got to find somebody else to do some other jobs I need

done, and I've got some papers to sign to do with my mother's estate, and I've got to find somebody to witness

them.  

I've been having mixed feelings about whether I even want my POI any more.  I know I deserve a lot better

treatment than I got from him.  I know he's got no concept of how to treat a woman right, but he could learn,

and I actually got the impression he was trying to do better and that he wanted to learn back when things

were better between us. I'm sure that I'd taught him over time that he could treat me badly and still be

rewarded with my support and attention. I made a lot of allowances for him because he has been going

through some really terrible times, but so have I been.  In fact, that's one of the things I wrote to him when I

told him off, that I was sure I'd taught him that he could treat me any way he wanted to and I'd still be there,

but that that wasn't the case, that I wouldn't accept being treated like that any longer.  I told him it was a deal

breaker for me.  I said a lot of other things that he wouldn't have liked. He was always banging on about a

book called The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and he had actually said to me that it was his 'bible',

and I told him that he didn't live it, and that I hadn't read it, but I'm certain that there is nothing in that book

about breaking virtually every promise you ever make to somebody being highly effective, apart from in

creating the impression that somebody who does that is undependable, unreliable, and untrustworthy. I also

told him that he'd behaved his way to failure with me, that he'd proved to me again and again that his word

was worthless, but I also told him that that didn't mean that I wanted nothing to do with him any more, but that

he would have to show me respect and not break promises like he's done so many times. I also told him I was

confused about the mixed messages he had been sending me, I didn't have any idea what he wanted of me

and why he contacted me again after such a long time. One thing that particularly concerned me about this,

and which I also mentioned to him in that letter, was that our relationship hadn't even moved forward an inch

in the whole time we'd been speaking on the phone. I didn't even mention all of that time before that when he'd

ignored me. You might think that by the time things were changing and he was going to be moving in with his

older son for a while that something would have been mentioned about finally really getting together and

starting to make some tangible plans. It seemed like the closer he got to moving in with his son the less he

talked about including me any more. I don't even think he necessarily meant to exclude me because I could

tell he was always in his head thinking about certain things,  but he would say things like 'all I want to do is

spend time with my kids', not saying anything about including me any more, and it made me feel left out. One

of the last times we spoke, he said from something I'd written to him previously that he could tell I was

confused and he said that if he hadn't been able to ring me he was going to ring his older son and ask him to

ring me and tell me that everything was okay.  I still felt very unsettled because it didn't feel like everything

was okay to me or perhaps I should reword that to say I didn't feel okay about everything.

I started out to say that I deserve a lot better treatment than I got from him, and that's true, I really do, and I

feel that way more than ever, but I think he's fully capable of treating me right, and that the way he was

treating me was a reflection of the way I was feeling about myself and have felt previously, with self doubt and

insecurities coming back, etc., that probably made a major contribution to him not treating me right.  I don't

often feel anything for anybody any more, and to finally have somebody that I've had such strong feelings for

come back into my life and start out at least seeming very keen and excited to talk to me made me feel like

what you said about your POI - 'this is too good to be true, it can't last, he doesn't mean it', that sort of thing.  

All of the self doubt and fears of something going wrong came back.  I think these things fed off each other,

and went back and forth between us. He'd say or do or not do something that would make me feel bad, very

likely not even realising it, then I felt more rejected and gave off that sort of energy, and back and forth and

back and forth, not to mention I think he'd got all sorts of fears in general about his future and a fear of being

hurt again.  Same here in all regards, though.  I think we've probably both got similar insecurities, and he may

have been feeling rejected by me or fearing it as much as I was from him even before I gave him that big telling

off.  

I had also said something when I'd written that last time about wishing we could just start again, and I think

that's what I really want but that it's just been too much hard work to try to attract him back. A

psychic/intuitive told me earlier this year that she didn't see it being over between us and that she thought we

would go back to being like when it was good, but I don't know if I asked her now if she would still feel the

same way. She said we had a 'strong soul contract'.  It was a different psychic who had not only started

talking about him without my asking her, but had told me five months before he came back into my life that he

would do that when I was strongly doubting it, and that did happen and much sooner than she had thought,

which was originally not for two years. I never consulted psychics before 2013. I'd never even thought about it

before then.   I suppose at that point my life in general was at such a low point that I needed something to give

me some hope, not just about him but about everything. The first one I went to, and that was a different one

entirely, also started talking about him out of the blue when I was talking about something else and had

suddenly said a direct quote that I had made about him and the way I felt about him word for word, and she

had no way of knowing I ever said that or that it was about him.  I know I've always felt a strong connection

with him, so maybe I shouldn't give up now.  It's just struck me that this is sort of like what happened to Neville

Goddard's second wife. She had gone to some sort of sensitive/psychic who accused her of taking off her

wedding ring and pretending not to married. His second wife kept saying she wasn't married, and the sensitive

almost got Neville's name right, not quite, though, but she certainly knew who it was.  That was how strongly

they were already connected, and I'm not even sure whether they'd met each other at that point.

I'll stop rambling on about that now, and try to give you the links to the ho'oponopono that I watched on

youtube. You can do it as much as you like, such as every time anything bothers you. I suppose if you wanted to

you could do it continuously.  Mabel Katz talks about it as 'cleaning' all of the negatives from you.  Hers is the

first video I watched that lasted over an hour, and it got me interested in it, but she doesn't really tell how you

do it, just advocates for doing it. The other two videos are only a few minutes each and demonstrate how to do

it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGLJDqrxt0A&t=17s


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3anR8I5TD8&t=5s








































 

Last edited by Cynthia (9/25/2017 9:02 pm)

I had a hard time getting the links on here. I hope they're all right.

whitebutterflies11 wrote:

Cynthia,

So sorry I haven't been on in a few days. First of all, thank you for the compliments. I try to make others feel good. That's what helps me with raising my vibe. Anyway, I feel like you're like me. You seem to think about every aspect of your situation and worry about it. I think what you (and I) need to do is focus on being happy right now. Keep doing your visualizations & the most recent technique that seemed to help and the rest will fall into place. I feel exactly the same way about my POI like you with the connection. For that reason, don't give up! I don't want to tell you what to do, but I know that's what I am going to do. There's a difference between letting it go and giving up. By visualizing daily or every couple of days and then going about your day WILL continue to put your intention in place. I think the over analyzing is what's causing us to feel so far away from manifesting our POIs back. And I put myself in that same category because I am guilty of it as well.Have you done the 25 day challenge? I am beginning Day 8 tomorrow (I restarted it) and I am totally loving it. It's regimented which is right up my alley, and its exciting so it's keeping my vibe up.

I just recently reconnected with a friend that I've gone to school with since elementary school and then high school and college. We're going out for drinks this coming Friday. I'm exploring my life as is and I know when I am happy and confident is when my POI will come back into my physical realm. I am also getting involved with volunteering a little. It's a good  cause and who knows who you'll meet, you know? Give it a try. Keep busy still thinking happy thoughts of your POI and I know, like you NEED to know that everything will work out.

Thank you for the links! I hope to watch soon

whitebutterflies11,

I hadn't been on here over the weekend, not with the computer anyway, and then earlier today I wrote a

lengthy message twice with links to the youtube videos, and each time they disappeared with an accidental

hit of a key. I did leave something shorter at the time, but then came back and wrote the longer message.

We seem so alike from what you've written that you seem like a younger version of me.  I do agree with you.  

I've been trying to focus on being happy now as much as possible and doing as much as I'm able of the things

I've got to do, none of which are fun or appealing, but they have to be done. You're right. I have worried a lot

about the situation with my POI, and I almost feel like it's my fault that he's not in my life right now, although

it's probably both of our faults in reality.  One thing that I know I've carried through my entire life with me is to

always blame myself for anything and everything that goes wrong, even when I don't really think it was me.  

That also comes from my father, being blamed for everything under the sun that I never had anything to do

with. It will probably be good to have had a break from contact with him anyway.

Thank you for the encouragement. I don't think that I really want to give up, and I do mean give up, not do

what a lot of people are calling letting go. I don't think a lot of them even know what letting go really means.  A

lot of them seem to think that letting go means giving up and moving on.

No, I'm not doing the 25 day challenge right now. I'd started it a couple of times and never got beyond the first

few days. I've been thinking about starting it again.  I think it was the first day I did it, I felt really good about it,

and I could make the visualisation very real. I don't remember why I stopped. Perhaps I thought I was doing

too much because I was probably doing some of the other things I've mentioned. If you're loving it so much, I

suppose I should give it another try.  I, too, like some structure. I've started rereading Manifesting Love by

Elizabeth Daniels. That's a really good book. I think I mentioned it before. I've got it on kindle. She did it

herself, and it took her under three weeks to have her POI contact her, and he was thousands of miles away in

a different country, which is what my POI and I are going to be again soon.  He's only about 1,000 miles away

right now. Ha, ha. It might be right up your street because it's also structured, but in a different way to the 25

day challenge.

You're right, I think, when you're feeling happy about your own life and probably not even thinking about your

POI (if that's possible - well, it is, sometimes when I'm preoccupied with something else I don't think about

mine for awhile) he'll come back. I forget where I read it or heard it, possibly even in the book I'm reading now

and haven't got to that part again yet, but Prince William and Kate had been together and had broken up, and

according to the book or whatever it was, Kate went on about her life and didn't cry about a breakup, and

obviously he contacted her again because the rest is history.

A few months ago, I took up cross stitching again after a long break from it, a good many years, and I've really

been enjoying it. I didn't know if I'd ever want to do it again. In fact, I almost felt like I probably never would.  I

like to have more than one on the go so I can have some variety and work on the one I'm feeling like working

on at the time, so I've had five on the go, and I've just finished one of them.  It's such a nice feeling of

accomplishment, especially because I haven't really felt like I've accomplished much in a long time. It wasn't a

very big project, only about 5 x 7 inches.

I reconnected with a very old friend of mine a few years ago. He had actually tried to find me a few years

before I ever tried to find him. We're just friends, and he's much older than I am. We mostly just email each

other every now and again but sometimes talk on the phone.  That's somebody I never thought I'd ever see or

speak to again, and it was after many, many, many years, and it also meant that he'd been thinking about me

as well as I thinking about him, as I had done from time to time over the years, probably the more so within the

few years before we actually reconnected.  Maybe I was being affected by his thoughts of trying to find me at

the time, who knows? After I got married, he cut off contact with me, not in a mean way or anything, I just

never heard from him after he'd sent me a wedding present, and I'm sure it was because he thought he would

be intruding into my marriage and didn't think it was appropriate. I would have liked to have remained in

contact with him all along, though.

I had to put the third link in a separate box below the others because I couldn't get it to cooperate. I don't know if you
saw it there.

We can both do this.  You're probably doing better than I am right now, so keep it up. 
 

Last edited by Cynthia (9/25/2017 9:31 pm)

whitebutterflies11 wrote:

Cynthia,
It's much easier to give advice than to listen to it myself. Your last sentence made me giggle a little. I have been worried every day about a specific woman seeing my POI. So I know I'm not doing better than you. I have to try to stop obsessing. That's why I'm so focused on the positives in my life and what makes me happy. Because I NEED to be able to live on my own.

Cross stitching sounds like a nice deterrent! And yes, I do think we sound similar. It's funny because I can see the overthinking and worrying in your posts (I do not mean this in a harsh way), but although I know I'm obsessive, I don't feel I'm as bad as I am with worrying and being anxious. I don't know if this makes sense but through reading your posts I do realize how panic stricken I am about my POI. How do these women (or people) manifest their specific person? I feel like it's hard for me to completely let go bc I don't want God to mistake that for me no longer wanting my desire. Which is why I like the 25 day challenge bc it gives me certain scenarios to visualize regarding my POI. I'd give it a shot! You have nothing to lose, only something to gain!

whitebutterflies11,

You are so right. It couldn't be easier to give other people advice.  In fact, I'm going to set myself up in

business right now.  I know it's easier to tell you not to worry about some other woman seeing your POI than to

do it. I'm not sure whether you meant that you're worried about that happening or if it is happening. If you

worry about it happening, it'll just give more energy toward making it happen. If he's seeing some other

woman, not even necessarily dating her but showing an interest in her or spending some time with her, I know

it's hard to ignore that, but it doesn't mean anything. I didn't mention this before with my POI, but a few months

before he and I started writing to each other he and some other woman were in contact by writing, and I know

that she started helping him financially at about the same time that he cut me off the first time, but I don't

think it was necessarily with huge amounts of money. In fact, I don't think it WAS huge amounts of money, but

it was ongoing for quite a long time. I feel pretty certain that she thought she could lure him into marrying her

by making a continuing financial investment in him. It was long distance for them and long distance for my POI

and me.  I knew that this continued on after he abruptly cut me off for that long period of time. Before he'd cut

me off without any explanation, he had poured it on very thickly about how she was his best friend, had stood

side by side with him, and some other things that I think were even stronger, and you can imagine how hurt I

was by those comments, as well as scared. Some time after this, out of the blue some other bloke that my POI

knew wrote to me and said he wanted to write to me and that he'd got my name and address from my POI, and

he made some comment about how my POI said or thought something about being in love with that other

woman or something almost as bad as that. What he said was vague, but it was very worrying. He'd previously

told me that he loved her like a friend, nothing more, and he wanted to write to me as well if that was all right

with me.  If he ever really thought he was in love with her, I don't think he ever was, I think he was trying to be

because she was helping him.  My worry back then was that he would marry her out of a sense of obligation,

not because he loved her, and I knew what a disaster that would be. I still felt like we'd be together eventually,

but I thought about that woman all too frequently, every day, and a lot. Actually, it was even worse. I was

thinking about how he was giving all of his attention to her and I thought about them interacting, even if it was

from a distance, because he was ignoring me at that time.The psychics I mentioned before told me that she

was just a transient person in his life, a life lesson for him, that she was extremely jealous of me, and that it

was like a business arrangement to him. One of them told me that she had been pressing him to marry her but

he was repulsed by her, that they'd had a big blowup fight about it, and that I was in the back of his mind all

the time. One of them told me that he 'craved' me. He did eventually contact me again, and she was out of his

life for good. He thinks she's dead because she wants him to think that, but I think she's only dead to him, not

really dead.
I have the good fortune of it being long distance for me and my POI and that I don't know what he's doing. I

roughly know what his intentions were.  After that announcement he'd made to me about not wanting a

girlfriend for a while after he'd moved in with his son, I haven't had the slightest worry that he's got anybody

else. If anything, I had always thought, at least at those times when I was in a more positive frame of mind,

that when he was ready and had at least some of his troubles behind him, he would come back to me rather

than looking for anybody else.  He'd be making the worst mistake of his life not to.  Surely he must have

noticed how compatible we are in so many ways. He couldn't be that oblivious, surely.  Having said that, if he

contacted me and told me he had a girlfriend, or worse yet a fiancee or even a wife, it wouldn't be all that easy

for me to follow my own advice.

Okay, I'll try the 25 day challenge again, and I highly recommend that you read that book and do what it says

as well.

I'm not taking what you said in a harsh way. I know what you mean. I think it's useful that we can see through

the other person's eyes how we're coming across when we might not realise it or how bad it might be.



 

whitebutterflies11 wrote:

Cynthia,

Thanks for your advice and insight into your situation with your POI regarding another woman. There is a specific woman that I am worried about. And I know my worries are bringing this into a reality and the only way for it to not matter is to block it out of my mind. BUT, I am doing much better with just living in the present and being happy with how things are! Because that's really when my POI showed up the first time. I was content AS IS! Right now, pining over him and looking at his social media, constantly worried about him is exactly what's keeping me from manifesting him back into my life as a romantic partner. Once I have happy thoughts alone and I am focused on ME, that's when we'll be back together in the physical realm

The distraction of the 25 day challenge is a welcomed thing for me. You'll have to let me know how you're doing with it if you do decide to do it!

 

whitebutterflies11,

It is so easy for me to say to stop worrying about that other woman.  I suppose every time you think of her

being with your POI or your POI showing her any attention, you could do your best to think of yourself with your

POI instead. I know it's easier said than done to put her out of your mind. I was thinking all the time about that

other woman I mentioned to you in my last post. I was probably thinking more about her than about my POI a

lot of the time.  If I hadn't done that and worried constantly about the two of them and the attention she was

getting whilst I was being ignored, he might have come back into my life a lot sooner than he did.  Think about

that in your situation.

Today I restarted the 25 day challenge, and it felt really good this morning and most of the day so far. A couple

of little things bothered me for a bit, like when I looked a bit more closely at that paperwork I've got to fill in to

do with my mother's death and I was overwhelmed with the pages and pages of legalese that I don't

understand. The other thing was yet another person who was supposed to get back to me about maintaining

my property, trees/shrubs, etc., failed to do so. When I spoke to him yesterday, even as we were hanging up

the phone, I felt I would never hear from him again.  He sounded sort of young and immature.  It's been very

difficult to find anybody to do some jobs for me, but I'm trying my best to focus on attracting the best people

for the jobs, people who do good work, are honest, dependable, and reliable and who charge a fair price. I'm

looking upon this person today as being the wrong one and that it was probably a good thing that he didn't ring

me back.

You've been looking at his social media and pining for him?. I can't believe it.  I'm shocked. Are you really

looking at his social media?  Tsk, Tsk.  Pining I understand. I've done more than my share of it myself. I've

been doing a lot better lately. I haven't been pining at all. I don't do social media, I really hate it, I would rather

communicate with people in normal ways, directly, like speaking on the phone with our voices or emailing

somebody directly or writing to them by snail mail, which I quite like and prefer because it seems more

personal than email, but I have on very rare occasions had to break down and use twitter because I couldn't

contact the person or company in a normal way for various reasons.  I absolutely refuse to do facebook under

any circumstances, and I'm not keen on the others either.  You've got to stop looking at his social media.  It'll

only distress you.

I really want you to know how much our interaction has been helping me. I have been feeling a lot more

positive emotionally in general, and I know a lot of it has been because of you.  I really mean that. Thank you

so much.