1 - authenticself
- Superhero
Offline - Registered: 9/21/2017
- Posts: 119
How do I change this?
I am so confused right now, I spent time with my ex two weeks ago and we were so happy. Then he seemed upset over something and cancelled plans with me and said he will text me later. But he never did.....and I learned he was upset that I did not check on him to see if he was okay either. I wanted to, but something was holding me back. He said he didn't want to be with me because he felt like I didn't care. I told him I wanted my hat back though.
So we agreed to meet each other today and I will treat him to pizza. We met up, but he gave me my hat and then said he is going home instead and just walked away. I felt stuck as I went to reach out to grab his hand and then stopped as my fear of him rejecting me took over. He walked away and texted how he was upset that I did not tell him I loved him since Monday and how he wished I had held his hand or hugged him and said that I loved him when I saw him.
Then he said he hates me and that I should stop texting in, but every time I look in my heart I don't sense hatred, I sense disappointment and apart of him believes I really don't love him, but another part knows that I do. I have been so upset with myself because I cherish him, but my fear overtakes me and holds me back from expressing how I really feel. This has been going on for almost three years where he feels like I don't love him and I just keep getting afraid that he will reject me if I show it. I am so upset with myself.....I don't want to feel this way anymore. I want us to start over in a batter place....
I will never stop loving him, he has been good to me and my actions don't show my appreciation of that.....what do I do? This is really important because I am so lost right now.
- PrettyFlamingo
- Electrified
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- From: God's Own County
- Registered: 4/22/2016
- Posts: 1,867
Re: How do I change this?
It sounds like he is the mixed up one. His behaviour is quite confusing and immature.
Be a flamingo in a flock of pigeons.
- authenticself
- Superhero
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- Registered: 9/21/2017
- Posts: 119
Re: How do I change this?
PrettyFlamingo wrote:
It sounds like he is the mixed up one. His behaviour is quite confusing and immature.
But at his core he feels upset and that part of him always apologizes to me, but his true problem is that his ego gets in the way of understanding. However, I am still at fault because many times he has encouraged to follow my heart with actions and I keep letting fear get in the way of it. He is not totally wrong because he has tried to help, but my fear just won't go. I been through so much in the past with someone else, that my current relationship is that of me closing him out. Like if you seen the relationship you would understand his side too.
- •
Thread Starter- 80saeaak
- Superhero
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- Registered: 3/23/2017
- Posts: 248
Re: How do I change this?
Yeah, I agree with PF. Part of being in a loving relationship is communication. You can't read his mind. Likewise, he can't read yours. You CAN do RS, but I always see that as a last resort.
Personally, I would start over. I would reach out (I know. People aren't supposed to do that!) and COMMUNICATE! Tell him that you're confused, why you're hurting, and that you love him. Don't place blame. If that's not well received, send loving energy via RS. You have something many of us don't have and that's contact with your guy. Use that opportunity. It's the card you have to play right now.
- authenticself
- Superhero
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- Registered: 9/21/2017
- Posts: 119
Re: How do I change this?
Yeah, I agree with PF. Part of being in a loving relationship is communication. You can't read his mind. Likewise, he can't read yours. You CAN do RS, but I always see that as a last resort.
Personally, I would start over. I would reach out (I know. People aren't supposed to do that!) and COMMUNICATE! Tell him that you're confused, why you're hurting, and that you love him. Don't place blame. If that's not well received, send loving energy via RS. You have something many of us don't have and that's contact with your guy. Use that opportunity. It's the card you have to play right now.
I already told him my side of the story, but he is too upset to listen right now and told me stop contacting me. I know I cannot read his mind, but at the same time everything that he wants me to do I want to do. And communication is what is messed up, more from mine than his though. He is more open with his feelings than I am because I am scared of rejection. I know I have open contact with him....but he told me to stop messaging him and I don't want to push him further after I just told him my feelings.
And it has been hard to do things from a place of love when sending him loving energy when my fear is getting in the way. So it just feels like I am sending bad vibes to him. My fear is what is getting in my way and I don't want to lose him.....even though the point of law of attraction is that I can always have him here with me. However, my fear is definitely something that can mess that up. I love him so much.....but if I cannot let my love override my fear, I know it won't work. Insanity is expecting different results doing the same thing.
- •
Thread Starter- Cynthia
- Lightning Bolt
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- Registered: 5/24/2017
- Posts: 1,322
Re: How do I change this?
It sounds like he is the mixed up one. His behaviour is quite confusing and immature.
But at his core he feels upset and that part of him always apologizes to me, but his true problem is that his ego gets in the way of understanding. However, I am still at fault because many times he has encouraged to follow my heart with actions and I keep letting fear get in the way of it. He is not totally wrong because he has tried to help, but my fear just won't go. I been through so much in the past with someone else, that my current relationship is that of me closing him out. Like if you seen the relationship you would understand his side too.
Don't you already feel rejected? How much worse could it be if you told him you loved him and showed him you loved and appreciated him? Then at least you would have a better idea of where this relationship stood. This is perhaps a bit different, but when I was 17 I had the best boyfriend I ever had in my life. I loved him, and he's the one I should have married. I sometimes treated him badly for no reason at all, none that I knew at the time anyway, and it had nothing to do with him. He was wonderful. If I would have apologised to him I know he would have forgiven me and we could have mended our relationship, but I was afraid he would reject me, so I didn't say anything, and I've spent my whole life regretting it.
The first man to raise a fist is the man who has run out of ideas.
- Selfloveiskey
- Genius
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- Registered: 8/18/2017
- Posts: 968
Re: How do I change this?
Sometimes giving space can help in communication. When emotions are high and things it can be too soon. So I would give space and then contact him if you don't hear anything. Maybe then when it is calmer it is good to talk it out. While you have this time relax yourself and you can visualize what you want the end result to be . But for communication I would be patient give space and then try talking. I agree about RS I don't normally like it cause I don't want to make anyone do anything and that and love spells make me feel like it's not genuine. So you can use it some people like it and they do I just don't prefer it but as stated last resort for RS.
- authenticself
- Superhero
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- Registered: 9/21/2017
- Posts: 119
Re: How do I change this?
It sounds like he is the mixed up one. His behaviour is quite confusing and immature.
But at his core he feels upset and that part of him always apologizes to me, but his true problem is that his ego gets in the way of understanding. However, I am still at fault because many times he has encouraged to follow my heart with actions and I keep letting fear get in the way of it. He is not totally wrong because he has tried to help, but my fear just won't go. I been through so much in the past with someone else, that my current relationship is that of me closing him out. Like if you seen the relationship you would understand his side too.
Don't you already feel rejected? How much worse could it be if you told him you loved him and showed him you loved and appreciated him? Then at least you would have a better idea of where this relationship stood. This is perhaps a bit different, but when I was 17 I had the best boyfriend I ever had in my life. I loved him, and he's the one I should have married. I sometimes treated him badly for no reason at all, none that I knew at the time anyway, and it had nothing to do with him. He was wonderful. If I would have apologised to him I know he would have forgiven me and we could have mended our relationship, but I was afraid he would reject me, so I didn't say anything, and I've spent my whole life regretting it.
I don't feel rejected, I feel like I keep running away from the reality that he loves me and had I just followed my heart we would not be in this mess. Cuz I know he still loves me....and another thing I struggled with too was never apologizing. He always apologized, but not me. Then I started to but my actions never followed. If I were to do something differently and followed through with my heart I know we would be happy. I know what to do, but this fear just seems to speak louder all the time.
- •
Thread Starter- authenticself
- Superhero
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- Registered: 9/21/2017
- Posts: 119
Re: How do I change this?
Sometimes giving space can help in communication. When emotions are high and things it can be too soon. So I would give space and then contact him if you don't hear anything. Maybe then when it is calmer it is good to talk it out. While you have this time relax yourself and you can visualize what you want the end result to be . But for communication I would be patient give space and then try talking. I agree about RS I don't normally like it cause I don't want to make anyone do anything and that and love spells make me feel like it's not genuine. So you can use it some people like it and they do I just don't prefer it but as stated last resort for RS.
I feel like there is a lot of congestion that needs to be cleared up first. I need some kind of healing because fear is blocking me from loved ones.
- •
Thread Starter- Cynthia
- Lightning Bolt
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- Registered: 5/24/2017
- Posts: 1,322
Re: How do I change this?
But at his core he feels upset and that part of him always apologizes to me, but his true problem is that his ego gets in the way of understanding. However, I am still at fault because many times he has encouraged to follow my heart with actions and I keep letting fear get in the way of it. He is not totally wrong because he has tried to help, but my fear just won't go. I been through so much in the past with someone else, that my current relationship is that of me closing him out. Like if you seen the relationship you would understand his side too.
Don't you already feel rejected? How much worse could it be if you told him you loved him and showed him you loved and appreciated him? Then at least you would have a better idea of where this relationship stood. This is perhaps a bit different, but when I was 17 I had the best boyfriend I ever had in my life. I loved him, and he's the one I should have married. I sometimes treated him badly for no reason at all, none that I knew at the time anyway, and it had nothing to do with him. He was wonderful. If I would have apologised to him I know he would have forgiven me and we could have mended our relationship, but I was afraid he would reject me, so I didn't say anything, and I've spent my whole life regretting it.I don't feel rejected, I feel like I keep running away from the reality that he loves me and had I just followed my heart we would not be in this mess. Cuz I know he still loves me....and another thing I struggled with too was never apologizing. He always apologized, but not me. Then I started to but my actions never followed. If I were to do something differently and followed through with my heart I know we would be happy. I know what to do, but this fear just seems to speak louder all the time.
Obviously, fear is holding you back. I am a lot older than 17 now, and what I said before has been one of the biggest regrets of my life. You can let fear win and continue to be unhappy or you can do something different.
Last edited by Cynthia (9/21/2017 4:16 pm)
The first man to raise a fist is the man who has run out of ideas.
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