whitebutterflies11 wrote:

Yes, I've improved some too with my perfectionism. But it's still very strong as it's been engrained since birth basically for me. My POI is the same as yours! He's not an ex. He's an almost was as well.

Personally, I think that's worse than him being an ex. For me, I know I constantly think about the what ifs. Because we didn't have a full fledged relationship, I have no grudges or disappointments that others have with their ex. I feel like him and I haven't exercised our potential. How could you give up on something that hasn't run its course? It drives me crazy. Sorry, rant over! Lol

I will look into those cds. Thank you!

I agree.  I think an almost was is worse than an ex for the same reasons.  In my case, it's all been long distance, and there has been a certain amount of hurt and disappointment between us.  I certainly have felt hurt and disappointed by the way he treated me - just a part of it was loads of broken promises, although very small ones, accumulated over time, making me feel disrespected and like I didn't matter much to him, even though for a while he had told me I did.  For me actions speak far louder than words, and when somebody promises they will do something and then they do the opposite instead, especially when it happens over and over again, it gets to me after a while.  The final straw that made me tell him off in a major way was soon before he went to live with his older son, which he did just before Christmas. He had voluntarily promised to tell me his big news that he'd been waiting to hear first before he told anybody else, and he said that numerous times. It was only the following week when his big news came through, and he told everybody but me first, and then made a point of telling me that he'd told everybody else first - his daughter, his sons, his father, and I don't know who all else and how excited they supposedly all were, which I actually rather doubt, because I got the impression from things he'd told me that they didn't really care all that much about him.  His older son had been showing more of an interest in him for a while than perhaps he had done previously.  It was like being punched in the face, especially because I had told him that it hurt me when he continuously broke his promises. I was stunned speechless at the time that he would do it again like that, but I still had the address where he was at the time and wrote to him and told him off very strongly, because I needed to say it for me and he needed to hear it for him. He's not a bad person, I don't think he means to do hurtful things, I don't think he does them on purpose. He had two extremely bad role models in his father and stepfather and, like me, a lot of abuse and neglect growing up, and it's messed him up. I think he's also fearful due to his previous bad marriages and other relationships, afraid of being hurt again, but who isn't?  He did start to ring me probably about the time he would have got my letter, but decided against it and put the phone down before I could pick it up, which was immediately because I was right next to it at the time, and I haven't heard from him since. I know he's bound to still be going through some bad times, one reason why he had to go and live with his older son, and I really feel bad about what happened. I don't regret saying what I did and would do it again, but I just wish that I could have talked to him directly about it. I really didn't expect him to disappear like that because he had invited me to tell him off if he needed it, and he really did need it.
 

Last edited by Cynthia (9/18/2017 9:12 pm)

whitebutterflies11 wrote:

Oh wow! So when was the last time you've heard from him? And you're trying to manifest him back, correct?

I have my ups and downs. I want to stay positive that he's coming back. I just get myself so worried sometimes.

 
He rang me on either 7 or 9 December, when he told me his big news last instead of first. Later in December he rang but decided against it and put the phone down and was already gone when I answered.  Yes, I have been trying to attract him back since April. I didn't think he'd cut me off the way he did and thought he'd be in contact again long ago.

What I have a problem believing is when other people claim that the person you want wants you too or you wouldn't want them. How do they know that? What proof do they have that that's true? If he wants me so much, why haven't I heard from him? I still want him, but sometimes I think maybe I need to put a time limit on it, otherwise I could be waiting indefinitely. I am just very tired of making the effort.  It's been almost 7 years since he first came into my life, then ignored me for a long time, then came back and then left again.

whitebutterflies11 wrote:

Yeah, I have to agree with you. I'm not sure I can believe that they want you since you're wanting them. I wonder if there's factual proof regarding that. I mean people have crushes every day. That doesn't mean anything. How would this be any different?

You have to do what you feel comfortable doing. For me, as much as I want my POI back, I am not shutting down an opportunity if it comes my way. "I want him, or something better" is my motto I am trying to live by. I just feel like it's still an attachment issue, at least on my end. I'm still living in a place of lack. I don't know how to live in the end result if I'm not actually with him in the physical realm. How about you? Do you think you're still attached?

 
Right now is not the best time for me to make any decisions. I've been and am too ill to care right now. Attached, detached, I think it's all a matter of opinion. I like to have evidence that things are true. Many claims have been made, but where's the evidence? Neville Goddard is the one I most listen to and believe because he actually experienced what he taught other people to do and explained how he did it. He's a lot more believable to me than almost anybody else because of this. However, even Neville said contrary things on the subject of attracting a specific person. He did it himself and told another lady how to do it and she did it successfully, but in another lecture he said he'd gone to many weddings where the bride had been insistent that she only wanted a specific man and was marrying somebody else. When I feel better maybe I'll start working on my POI again, but I have been in two minds recently of whether I even want to. I do still want him, but I'm worn out, so it's probably easier and less stressful to meet somebody new. It's been a long time, and I had a lot more faith in the past than I do now, given the lack of results. It's hard to maintain faith when nothing changes. The more time that passes the more I feel like I'm lying to myself. I want to hear from him again but I have no reason to believe I will. I don't have many things from him, just a few and something he made for me, and I've thought several times about throwing them away but so far haven't been able to bring myself to do it. The time he came back into my life after a long time was when I didn't care about him any more, and he stirred up my feelings for him again and then left again. I couldn't take it if that happened again, not physically and not emotionally. It's taken a toll on me. He is the closest I've ever come to in my life of somebody who is so right for me in so many ways, not all, but most. We're right for each other in so many ways. That's why it's been difficult to put him behind me.

I've been thinking about doing this for a long time, and I've finally broken down and done it.  There is one person who is of questionable reliability in getting a message to my POI, questionable because I don't know if he'll do it or not. I don't know the person but I know who he is, and I sent him a message through twitter and asked him to give my message to my POI. I don't know if the person will even read it, let alone pass it along. I'm not very happy about having to go through an intermediary with a personal message that's none of their business, but it's that or nothing. My POI might have been thinking that I want nothing more to do with him, so if he is given my message he'll know I don't have any ill feelings towards him and that I feel bad about being as harsh as I was on him, even though he had invited me to tell him off if he needed it, and he had needed it, badly.

Last edited by Cynthia (9/19/2017 3:04 pm)

whitebutterflies11 wrote:

Cynthia,
My apologies, I forgot I did not respond to this. And I am very sorry to hear that you've been ill. I hope you recover VERY quickly!! Honestly, it sounds like you need to focus on YOU right now! I think you need to get yourself better and the rest will fall into place. I am REALLY trying to be much more positive in general. But the crazy thing is, I am actually starting to believe it. Once you're good in all aspects regarding yourself, the Universe WILL deliver. I've been reflecting on everything that I've wanted and gotten throughout the years and it's always been when I'm in a good place with myself. I don't mean to make it about me, I am just trying to think out loud and also show you how I've benefited in the past.

As for the last part of your previous post, I think this might be your "inspired action." If you don't mind involving this other person to assist you with getting a message to your POI, then why not. You said it yourself that your POI might think you want nothing to do with him. It's better to get all the cards on the table. What do you have to lose? NOTHING! I'd say go for it. But, only if you want to.It's better to clear the air!

Thanks so much for your kind wishes.  I agree with you that things are much more likely to go your way when you're feeling good about yourself.  I've been working on self love for a while, and I have been feeling a lot better about myself.

I think that trying to contact my POI through that other person might be inspired action. Not that he'll get the message that soon, or perhaps even at all, but it's his birthday tomorrow.  I haven't spoken to him for over nine months, so in this period of time, any ill feelings have had some time to lessen and not be fresh wounds any more. I thought it couldn't hurt. I really don't have anything to lose. I've been working on it for so many months by my imagination, that I felt at this point that it wouldn't hurt anything to try by other means, and if he does get my message it may motivate him to contact me again. Of course, if I don't hear from him I won't have any way of knowing whether he got my message or not, but I think I'll carry on mentally whether or not I hear from him.
 

Last edited by Cynthia (9/19/2017 8:43 pm)

whitebutterflies11 wrote:

I think you've got a good plan in place! And my most recent contact with my POI was due to his birthday. This sounds like a good sign! If I were in your shoes, I would give it a shot. It'll help you carry on.You won't have regrets about not trying it. It'll be helpful to you.

Just a sidenote- how often have you been visualizing?? I forget if I even asked you this before.

I think you're right. I think it will help me carry on. I definitely felt the need to take some tangible action apart from my imaginings.  It's the uncertainty of whether he'll even get the message that's the most worrisome part of it. I can't believe that he would be so cold and cruel as to ignore me if he does get the message.

Lately I haven't been doing much visualising. I've been taking a break from it, but for most of the time I was doing a lot of it, usually once a day or more, and I was using some of Lanie Stevens' mp3s, most often the PW. I occasionally used the BWD, but I think from what I've read that if you want to have real love rather than somebody only wanting a sexual relationship, PW is probably the one to use most of the time. I sometimes just visualise on my own without any recordings. Sometimes I pretend like he's with me and talk to him like he is, and I've got a picture of him that I sometimes talk to like he's there.

What sorts of visualising have you been doing and for how long? I don't think you ever mentioned, or at least I don't remember it.
 

Last edited by Cynthia (9/19/2017 9:08 pm)