80saeaak wrote:

I'm going to share something with you that may not be terribly popular here...

When I was in my late-teens to early 20s, I just got out of a long term relationship and packed up and started a whole new life in a new area. I didn't date anyone exclusively. I dated a lot, though. I didn't sleep with any of them and I was very honest about the fact that I was dating other guys.

My point is there's nothing wrong with going out and having fun as long as you're honest that this is just what it is

I already did though just they want long term and I don't with them I want long term with my guy .

PS: The long-term relationship I had just gotten out of... I was heartbroken. He wasn't very nice to me or my son, but I had low self esteem back then and thought I deserved it. I wanted him back desperately and did a lot of visualizing. 15 years later, he came back and said everything I ever imagined. He apologized to me and my son and tried so hard to prove he was a changed man. I was so over him, but we did wind up being the best of friends. It always works. Maybe not when or how you want it, but it does!

I already went out with them though I just don't want a relationship with them but they all do. I want a relationship with my guy so I don't want to lead them on

Last edited by Selfloveiskey (9/18/2017 6:47 am)

Well I was only 19 at the time and I'm 36 now so I can't tell you how much I visualized. I CAN tell you there was a lot of resentment. I held onto that for about 10 years. When I finally healed that and forgave him, HIS life got better. I've had this happen many times, but I'll stick with this example. Get ready for a novel!!!

I met this guy when I was 14. He lived about 40 minutes away and was 16. We had a summer romance. It kind of fizzled and I dated a couple of other guys. When I was 17, a friend and I went to go see him. We just showed up at his door and watched a movie with him. In the previous three years I had a longer relationship and a child with another guy. This other guy was physically abusive and I was really looking for a way out (not the best way to start a relationship). 

Things were great for a while. Then one day he went to have a chat with his dad, who convinced him that dating a girl with a kid was a bad idea. He called me to break things off. I cried and begged (also no good) and we maintained the relationship, but it never went back to what it was. He became very emotionally abusive with me and my son. Everything we did was wrong. My son looked too much like his dad. My friends sucked, my job sucked, etc. I remember him saying things to me like "I would never marry a waitress". I played housewife. I cooked and cleaned. I made his lunch every day. I catered to him. Then we had an epic fight because I was going to visit my sister in another state. We decided to wait until I came home to fix the problems. However, he decided to go on a date with my "friend". A few years later they were married.

About ten years after we broke up, my life was amazing. I stayed in contact with his family throughout the years and learned he was an alcoholic, the wife left him, and he was just failing. I hurt for him. I remember thinking he deserved a better life. That's when I forgave him.

He went to rehab and got a new job. He totally turned his life around. Suddenly he was at his sister-in-laws house every time I was there. I was going through a divorce and he decided to pursue me. He told me he never appreciated me. He spent years regretting his decision to "upgrade" because his ex-wife couldn't hold a candle to me. He was so sorry for what he'd done. He wanted to marry me and have kids together. He wanted it all.

A lot changes over 15 years. I was no longer attracted to him. Not physically or mentally. He has different religious and political beliefs. His sense of humor offended me. He was exactly who he always was. I changed, though. That just happens when you grow up.

I've had many men come back and say exactly what I wanted. I'd say maybe 7-8 exes total over the years. By the time they came back I didn't want them. I think the clinching point to attracting someone back is WHY you want them back. Every time I attracted someone back, it was years later. Well, mos of them. Sometimes it was moths later, but I was still over it. When I actively wanted and tried to attract them, I was in a state of desperation. I wanted them to fulfill a need I wasn't giving myself. Every time. The thing is that rarely do people want someone back to love them and give unconditionally. We want them back for our egos or to complete something that's missing. That's the resistance that so many claim they don't have.

I can now look at myself in the mirror and really know I love myself. Sure, we all have issues, but in the great scheme of things, I'm happy and complete alone. That's when manifestation comes. That's when they come back. You don't need to date or continue to visualize and nag at the universe. You simply need to set it and forget it. Go about life happily. So if there's anything you take from my successes (after failing miserably while actively trying to make something happen) it's to let go. Move on. Stop visualizing every night and fearing that if you stop they won't feel you anymore. That IS resisting. So that's that.

Last edited by 80saeaak (9/18/2017 12:21 pm)