YesIWILL wrote:

80saeaak wrote:

It is NEVER okay for someone to hit you.
It is NEVER okay for someone to seclude you.
It is NEVER okay for someone to control you.
It is NEVER okay for someone to hurt you. Ever.

I don't care what this man's backstory is. I don't care if he's a "good person going through a hard time". Once you put your hands on someone, emotionally abuse them, and try to control them, you're a **** person until you get it together. Good people DO NOT hurt other people intentionally. There is absolutely nothing unintentional about this. He didn't "make a mistake". He purposefully and deliberately caused harm REPEATEDLY. He didn't forget your birthday. He hit you. No. No no not ever is this okay.

I read this earlier and had to step back. I absolutely agree with whoever said that everything can't be fixed. I totally 100% disagree with anyone suggesting going back to talk about it. There is not a person alive, man or woman, who can possibly think this behavior is acceptable or remotely loving while they're using their partner as a punching bag or making "rules" for another adult.

Walk away. Work on yourself. Find happiness and love in yourself and don't worry about any relationship. If you truly loved yourself, you'd have walked away at the first indication that this could be a potentially abusive relationship. I know this because I've been there, staying with a man who hurt me a lot because I "loved" him. The reality was that I was broken, he sniffed it out like a predator, and broke me down to a shell of what I was.

Louise Hay is a great place to start for anyone who is doing LOA, but especially those who have been abused and need to heal themselves. I highly recommend starting with her books, audiobooks, and/or affirmations, block the man from contacting you, and move on with your life as if he doesn't exist. If he doesn't leave you alone, get an order of protection. Absolutely cut him out of your life. You'll do better when you realize you deserve better.

No one deserves this.

I'm not saying it's okay. And he definitely needs to change. But people "can" change. It's ignorant to assume otherwise, especially if you don't even know the guy.

I'm saying that if she loves him and wants to be with him, to the point where she wants things to work out, she should lay down the rules. And if he refuses or doesn't change then he gets the boot. If he really loves her, he'll change.

Also this is an loa forum. His attitude can change entirely if she manages to manifest doing so.


Also, nobody give me that **** that "once an abuser, ALWAYS an abuser." Because that's totally not true and people can change. ESPECIALLY if you believe in the loa, that is the wrong mindset to have.

Where did I say "once an abuser always an abuser"? No where. I said an abuser is a **** person until they get their heads together. If you want me to come right out and say it, though... the vast majority of abusers NEVER change and the only reason their victims get out alive is because they leave. Never have I ever known a single abuser who changed. Not even a little. That's not LOA. That's a predator's mentality.

Victims of abuse often want to work it out because they have no self-worth. Of all the victims I know, none went back or stayed with an abuser where things got better. Not once. Abusers evolve. They get worse. They don't just "get better" because you will it. In this forum, we put way too much emphasis on "you can change him" and not enough on "change yourself and you'll attract what you are".

I gave her resources to work on herself. What people refuse to hear is that you need to work on yourself before you try to manifest relationships, with an ex or otherwise.  That's the most fundamental part of LOA. To say "this is an LOA forum. He can change" has nothing to do with the issue. The OP is terribly broken and that's why she thinks she doesn't deserve better than this. I don't really care what this man thinks or his side of the story. I care about the victim and her wellbeing.

Will, I'm going to come right out and say that the fact that you're defending this guy and saying she can change him without fixing herself shows very much that you don't have a basic grasp of LOA. Common sense tells you she doesn't have a healthy relationship with herself. That's the only side of the story you need.

Never ever worry about "fixing" a relationship if it's this bad. Something inside of you is broken to allow this. People with self love flee at the first incling of abuse. Broken people stick around hoping it will change. Again, leave. Work on yourself. Cut him off. After you get your head right and IF you still want him (you won't. Guaranteed) worry about manifesting him them.

Last edited by 80saeaak (7/18/2017 9:30 am)

80saeaak wrote:

YesIWILL wrote:

80saeaak wrote:

It is NEVER okay for someone to hit you.
It is NEVER okay for someone to seclude you.
It is NEVER okay for someone to control you.
It is NEVER okay for someone to hurt you. Ever.

I don't care what this man's backstory is. I don't care if he's a "good person going through a hard time". Once you put your hands on someone, emotionally abuse them, and try to control them, you're a **** person until you get it together. Good people DO NOT hurt other people intentionally. There is absolutely nothing unintentional about this. He didn't "make a mistake". He purposefully and deliberately caused harm REPEATEDLY. He didn't forget your birthday. He hit you. No. No no not ever is this okay.

I read this earlier and had to step back. I absolutely agree with whoever said that everything can't be fixed. I totally 100% disagree with anyone suggesting going back to talk about it. There is not a person alive, man or woman, who can possibly think this behavior is acceptable or remotely loving while they're using their partner as a punching bag or making "rules" for another adult.

Walk away. Work on yourself. Find happiness and love in yourself and don't worry about any relationship. If you truly loved yourself, you'd have walked away at the first indication that this could be a potentially abusive relationship. I know this because I've been there, staying with a man who hurt me a lot because I "loved" him. The reality was that I was broken, he sniffed it out like a predator, and broke me down to a shell of what I was.

Louise Hay is a great place to start for anyone who is doing LOA, but especially those who have been abused and need to heal themselves. I highly recommend starting with her books, audiobooks, and/or affirmations, block the man from contacting you, and move on with your life as if he doesn't exist. If he doesn't leave you alone, get an order of protection. Absolutely cut him out of your life. You'll do better when you realize you deserve better.

No one deserves this.

I'm not saying it's okay. And he definitely needs to change. But people "can" change. It's ignorant to assume otherwise, especially if you don't even know the guy.

I'm saying that if she loves him and wants to be with him, to the point where she wants things to work out, she should lay down the rules. And if he refuses or doesn't change then he gets the boot. If he really loves her, he'll change.

Also this is an loa forum. His attitude can change entirely if she manages to manifest doing so.


Also, nobody give me that **** that "once an abuser, ALWAYS an abuser." Because that's totally not true and people can change. ESPECIALLY if you believe in the loa, that is the wrong mindset to have.

Where did I say "once an abuser always an abuser"? No where. I said an abuser is a **** person until they get their heads together. If you want me to come right out and say it, though... the vast majority of abusers NEVER change and the only reason their victims get out alive is because they leave. Never have I ever known a single abuser who changed. Not even a little. That's not LOA. That's a predator's mentality.

Victims of abuse often want to work it out because they have no self-worth. Of all the victims I know, none went back or stayed with an abuser where things got better. Not once. Abusers evolve. They get worse. They don't just "get better" because you will it. In this forum, we put way too much emphasis on "you can change him" and not enough on "change yourself and you'll attract what you are".

I gave her resources to work on herself. What people refuse to hear is that you need to work on yourself before you try to manifest relationships, with an ex or otherwise.  That's the most fundamental part of LOA. To say "this is an LOA forum. He can change" has nothing to do with the issue. The OP is terribly broken and that's why she thinks she doesn't deserve better than this. I don't really care what this man thinks or his side of the story. I care about the victim and her wellbeing.

Will, I'm going to come right out and say that the fact that you're defending this guy and saying she can change him without fixing herself shows very much that you don't have a basic grasp of LOA. Common sense tells you she doesn't have a healthy relationship with herself. That's the only side of the story you need.

Never ever worry about "fixing" a relationship if it's this bad. Something inside of you is broken to allow this. People with self love flee at the first incling of abuse. Broken people stick around hoping it will change. Again, leave. Work on yourself. Cut him off. After you get your head right and IF you still want him (you won't. Guaranteed) worry about manifesting him them.

Didn't say you did.

*update*

After thinking about it a lot. I have come to a conclusion of leaving him. He pretended to be someone else and is something different. We were best friends before and I'll be his friend happily but I won't date him for sure. I have been applying rubbing out technique on him and its working very nicely.
He drunk texted me last night. I replied to him in the morning. He read the message and did not reply. 
I told him that the solution to this problem is not getting drunk but understanding.
I don't think he will reply to me.
I am feeling a lot better after being away from him.
Thank you everyone for your advice.
Lots of love

Good for you, but seriously, do you want even a friend who behaves like that? I wouldn't, personally.