Staceylouuu91x wrote:

Easier said than done but try not to react to it. It's way too easy to get caught up with things like that. You're a good looking guy and I'm sure in time you'll be able to find someone who'll make you happy. Your relationship with yourself should always come first though. I understand how lonely being single can be but once you're able to love yourself to the extent that you know you'll be a-ok alone that's when the magic happens. 

 

That's so true, and the funny thing is.. it's usually the people you wanted    it's like going around in a circle, once you are just happy being alone, those same people come back and suddenly want a relationship 

I've noticed from my own experience, it's really easy to get attached and once you get attached and EXPECT to talk to someone,etc  it basically repels them   they really can feel our energy and they back off in a lot of ways.

Once, you're back to being "you" and not caring who talks,etc  that's when people come to you 

Denimchicken wrote:

And actually I'll go a bit further hoping it'll shock you into stepping back and sorting yourself out.

You were lucky not to be issued with a restraining order with your 'love'. If you had behaved that way with me, I would have issued one. And I have done with someone very similar.

This is a woman you have known for days and you are already think you are entitled to contact her when you want and have her respond within your time frame. 3 hrs isn't long. At all.  And you're already saying 'WHO is more important than me, WHO is she talking to?' And WHO is she driving to see?. It is none of your business. She is a woman you've met a few times, you have no say about what she does or with who. It is very worrying that you think this way.

It is frightening that you think it has anything to do with you at all and will quickly become frightening to her.

As happened with your 'love'. And then you still didn't stop. You had no respect for her wishes and became enraged when she did'nt do what you wanted. You are transferring obsession to another person. You will end up in court this time if you don't nip this in the bud and seek Psychiatric help.

And I say this with care for you. A LOA forum is not the best place for someone with obsessive and possessive behaviour. It increases the inappropriate and unwanted (by the other person) thoughts.

And if I get deleted or banned - I'll accept that.

Because I've also been watching this (not the first "love", but the previous "love" and now this) I tend to agree. This isn't an LOA guru thing. This is a common sense and decency thing. If someone you don't know expressed that they aren't interested, back off.

She spent some time with you, but not enough to warrant strong feelings. Maybe she did drive a long way, make a gift, and cook dinner. I've done that before and realized this person isn't what I imagined them to be. Not every connection is supposed to be pursued. Sometimes you just meet people and think "this isn't it" and move forward without ever seeing them again. That's just what it is. When people say "doesn't this negate the you can get anyone back with LOA?", no. It doesn't. This isn't a relationship. You really don't even know this person. This is an obsessive and unhealthy idealizaing of a stranger. Not the same by a lot.

My personal opinion is that you need to stop dating altogether. Like, not at all. You can't spend a couple of weeks by yourself and truly think you've got it figured out. If you don't want to seek extensive therapy for your obvious self-loathing and desperation, at the very least you need to spend some time trying to understand why you think you need love from other people.

It's not sexy for someone to be clingy and desperate. It's quite a turn off. I've never heard any woman say "he stalked me and wouldn't let up even when I was so clear about not wanting him so I married him". Never ever does that happen. Everyone wants someone who is confident and can be okay on their own. No one wants someone who needs them to be whole. You may think you want that, but that's what's broken in you. You need to find how to heal it.

Personally, if a man behaved like this, regardless of of it was one date or a long-term relationship, I'd be getting an order of protection. I'm going to take it a step further and say it's creepy. Leave it alone and work on you. You shouldn't always need someone to make you feel whole. Something is broken inside of you. Stop expecting women to fix that.

80saeaak wrote:

She spent some time with you, but not enough to warrant strong feelings. Maybe she did drive a long way, make a gift, and cook dinner. I've done that before and realized this person isn't what I imagined them to be. Not every connection is supposed to be pursued. Sometimes you just meet people and think "this isn't it" and move forward without ever seeing them again.

I see what you mean, but to be fair, the woman went way over the top from the beginning and I could see how he would have found this an encouragement. No way in hell would I drive for 2.5 hours to meet someone I had never met in real life, take them presents or cook them a meal. I would have to know someone a bit better than to do that. To me, that is simple rules of safety (physical and safety of your emotions). That's no reflection on the person you are meeting, but just common sense to me. 

Maybe this is just me, but I would be very wary if I went on a date with someone I had never met before. (I've never done that, most of the people I have dated have been people I have already known for a while through friends etc). I'd simply meet them in the day for a coffee or light lunch or something in a public place and sex would not be on my agenda at all until I knew them and there was an established relationship (I appreciate people have different views)

I have had one guy tell his mother I was the girl he was going to marry after one lunch date and one evening drink - that ended with me having to get the university harassment officer onto him. Another one (someone I had a crush on when I was at school, who was older and I reconnected with through Friends Reunited, remember that?!) turned up with a car laden with presents and then got very strange afterwards, expected me to buy a house with him, turned out he was BPD.

I would always take things very simply to start with. Not everyone is like my two samples, but it can be easy to get attached too quickly.

 

Last edited by PrettyFlamingo (7/09/2017 2:53 pm)

80saeaak wrote:

Denimchicken wrote:

And actually I'll go a bit further hoping it'll shock you into stepping back and sorting yourself out.

You were lucky not to be issued with a restraining order with your 'love'. If you had behaved that way with me, I would have issued one. And I have done with someone very similar.

This is a woman you have known for days and you are already think you are entitled to contact her when you want and have her respond within your time frame. 3 hrs isn't long. At all.  And you're already saying 'WHO is more important than me, WHO is she talking to?' And WHO is she driving to see?. It is none of your business. She is a woman you've met a few times, you have no say about what she does or with who. It is very worrying that you think this way.

It is frightening that you think it has anything to do with you at all and will quickly become frightening to her.

As happened with your 'love'. And then you still didn't stop. You had no respect for her wishes and became enraged when she did'nt do what you wanted. You are transferring obsession to another person. You will end up in court this time if you don't nip this in the bud and seek Psychiatric help.

And I say this with care for you. A LOA forum is not the best place for someone with obsessive and possessive behaviour. It increases the inappropriate and unwanted (by the other person) thoughts.

And if I get deleted or banned - I'll accept that.

Because I've also been watching this (not the first "love", but the previous "love" and now this) I tend to agree. This isn't an LOA guru thing. This is a common sense and decency thing. If someone you don't know expressed that they aren't interested, back off.

She spent some time with you, but not enough to warrant strong feelings. Maybe she did drive a long way, make a gift, and cook dinner. I've done that before and realized this person isn't what I imagined them to be. Not every connection is supposed to be pursued. Sometimes you just meet people and think "this isn't it" and move forward without ever seeing them again. That's just what it is. When people say "doesn't this negate the you can get anyone back with LOA?", no. It doesn't. This isn't a relationship. You really don't even know this person. This is an obsessive and unhealthy idealizaing of a stranger. Not the same by a lot.

My personal opinion is that you need to stop dating altogether. Like, not at all. You can't spend a couple of weeks by yourself and truly think you've got it figured out. If you don't want to seek extensive therapy for your obvious self-loathing and desperation, at the very least you need to spend some time trying to understand why you think you need love from other people.

It's not sexy for someone to be clingy and desperate. It's quite a turn off. I've never heard any woman say "he stalked me and wouldn't let up even when I was so clear about not wanting him so I married him". Never ever does that happen. Everyone wants someone who is confident and can be okay on their own. No one wants someone who needs them to be whole. You may think you want that, but that's what's broken in you. You need to find how to heal it.

Personally, if a man behaved like this, regardless of of it was one date or a long-term relationship, I'd be getting an order of protection. I'm going to take it a step further and say it's creepy. Leave it alone and work on you. You shouldn't always need someone to make you feel whole. Something is broken inside of you. Stop expecting women to fix that.

I agree with the connection thing.  But from my experiences.  I realized. If you're vibing high, you can attract a better connection with the person. But that all depends on your vibration(and I'm only talking from my experiences, I can't speak for others)

When you're vibing high and are confident you can pretty much attract anything(from my experience).     Whenever I have difficult times with someone, I try to just put the focus fully back on myself    Plus it's so important to keep yourself busy

I remember I was down about something the other day, but I quickly changed my vibration and thoughts about the situation and nothing negative came about

There's people I LOVE talking to and could literally talk to all day, 24/7.  But I realized, is that even healthy?   I feel like both men and women, want someone who doesn't rely on them 24/7.   

From my experiences, there's been times where I've gotten attached and kind of clingy, it repelled them and they started acting different, but as soon as I got back to being me, they were talking again.     

I don't think anyone want anyone(even as friends) who feel they need to talk 24/7.   Friendships and relationships need space and space is healthy, it's like.  Ok with our connection we can talk all day every day.  But is it the healthiest?  Nope

Dan2015 wrote:

80saeaak wrote:

Denimchicken wrote:

And actually I'll go a bit further hoping it'll shock you into stepping back and sorting yourself out.

You were lucky not to be issued with a restraining order with your 'love'. If you had behaved that way with me, I would have issued one. And I have done with someone very similar.

This is a woman you have known for days and you are already think you are entitled to contact her when you want and have her respond within your time frame. 3 hrs isn't long. At all.  And you're already saying 'WHO is more important than me, WHO is she talking to?' And WHO is she driving to see?. It is none of your business. She is a woman you've met a few times, you have no say about what she does or with who. It is very worrying that you think this way.

It is frightening that you think it has anything to do with you at all and will quickly become frightening to her.

As happened with your 'love'. And then you still didn't stop. You had no respect for her wishes and became enraged when she did'nt do what you wanted. You are transferring obsession to another person. You will end up in court this time if you don't nip this in the bud and seek Psychiatric help.

And I say this with care for you. A LOA forum is not the best place for someone with obsessive and possessive behaviour. It increases the inappropriate and unwanted (by the other person) thoughts.

And if I get deleted or banned - I'll accept that.

Because I've also been watching this (not the first "love", but the previous "love" and now this) I tend to agree. This isn't an LOA guru thing. This is a common sense and decency thing. If someone you don't know expressed that they aren't interested, back off.

She spent some time with you, but not enough to warrant strong feelings. Maybe she did drive a long way, make a gift, and cook dinner. I've done that before and realized this person isn't what I imagined them to be. Not every connection is supposed to be pursued. Sometimes you just meet people and think "this isn't it" and move forward without ever seeing them again. That's just what it is. When people say "doesn't this negate the you can get anyone back with LOA?", no. It doesn't. This isn't a relationship. You really don't even know this person. This is an obsessive and unhealthy idealizaing of a stranger. Not the same by a lot.

My personal opinion is that you need to stop dating altogether. Like, not at all. You can't spend a couple of weeks by yourself and truly think you've got it figured out. If you don't want to seek extensive therapy for your obvious self-loathing and desperation, at the very least you need to spend some time trying to understand why you think you need love from other people.

It's not sexy for someone to be clingy and desperate. It's quite a turn off. I've never heard any woman say "he stalked me and wouldn't let up even when I was so clear about not wanting him so I married him". Never ever does that happen. Everyone wants someone who is confident and can be okay on their own. No one wants someone who needs them to be whole. You may think you want that, but that's what's broken in you. You need to find how to heal it.

Personally, if a man behaved like this, regardless of of it was one date or a long-term relationship, I'd be getting an order of protection. I'm going to take it a step further and say it's creepy. Leave it alone and work on you. You shouldn't always need someone to make you feel whole. Something is broken inside of you. Stop expecting women to fix that.

I agree with the connection thing.  But from my experiences.  I realized. If you're vibing high, you can attract a better connection with the person. But that all depends on your vibration(and I'm only talking from my experiences, I can't speak for others)

When you're vibing high and are confident you can pretty much attract anything(from my experience).     Whenever I have difficult times with someone, I try to just put the focus fully back on myself    Plus it's so important to keep yourself busy

I remember I was down about something the other day, but I quickly changed my vibration and thoughts about the situation and nothing negative came about

There's people I LOVE talking to and could literally talk to all day, 24/7.  But I realized, is that even healthy?   I feel like both men and women, want someone who doesn't rely on them 24/7.   

From my experiences, there's been times where I've gotten attached and kind of clingy, it repelled them and they started acting different, but as soon as I got back to being me, they were talking again.     

I don't think anyone want anyone(even as friends) who feel they need to talk 24/7.   Friendships and relationships need space and space is healthy, it's like.  Ok with our connection we can talk all day every day.  But is it the healthiest?  Nope

It's funny you say all this because I'm exactly the same. It's easy to get attached, but when I feel even a slight shift in someone's vibe towards me, I step back and reevaluate.

I had a to break up with a friend of mine recently. We're both women in our mid-30s. When we met, we were both at pretty low point in our lives and miserly loves company. I remember my mom commenting on how often she called. At the time I thought nothing of it. Once I got through my low-point (and away from her geographically), it was draining me to have someone depend on texting and calling me 10 times a day and demanding hours of my time every day. You have to depend on yourself. If you cant sit in a room alone with your thoughts (no phone, tv, or book) and be content, there's a problem.