Avaelle wrote:

I'm so sorry to read about the baby. It was just a few short months ago.  I find it unlikely that you've healed from that already.  My opinion doesn't change much though.  I really think you should take some time to heal and allow some fresh positive vibes to flow through you.  You could use a nice break from the chaos. Worry about him later. You need to get to a happy place first.

I guess I've suppressed it and since December I've been going to therapy, meditation positive affirmations. I listen abraham and Veronica.  I just don't seem to understand the anger he has towards me,  but I have to keep telling me it's his inner demons. I just want a fresh start. Now that I've actually been discussing this if it's him I want back or if I want the closure   I did nothing wrong to him he's the only boy out of four girls and a mom who run his life and tell him what to do, so he plays the victim a lot. I plan on modifying the ppo because it's for a year. I'm a successful nurse this is the last thing I need. It's been four months maybe I just need good vibes that the judge will throw it out

I am a nurse also for many years and as a nurse you know that working in a Psych ward is very challenging in and of itself. You must be on your toes most of the time for you never know what you deal with day to day. You really should step back and focus on you. Your body has gone through something traumatic and it needs time to heal. Coping with losing a child, fighting with your sister and your ex has taken a toll on you physically, spiritual and emotionally. You can come back from this but first you have to focus on you. Take time for you. Mourn the lose of your baby. Find comfort in God/Universe. Know it is not over. You are stronger than you think but right now you may not know it. Use this forum as a guide to help you.  Do not allow yourself to succumb to what has happened. Believe in yourself, have Faith. There is nothing I mean nothing wrong for wanting him back and that is your choice to make.