Something that concerns me is this.

If you were back together would you constantly worry that she was talking to other guys and might go off with someone else? Your anxiety makes me think you might.

I've been with someone like that and it drives you bananas. I wasn't trusted and it killed the relationship.

You've made her the centre of your entire existence. You're telling yourself she's not going to come back and that's what you're getting. Can you live like this for another 60 or 70 years?

Even the phrasing get her back, she'll come back, stop that. It's going to have to be a new relationship.

Answer me this though I bet you won't - what was so great about her and your original relationship that you need to have it "back"? What did you give to each other?

I don't know the answer for you but you might be doggedly focusing just on your need for this person at the expense of other things. The law of attraction is about getting the life you want.  If you use it purposely. Note I said life not person because they cannot be your whole life.

What about your new place and job? We've heard practically zero about that.

This has gone on too long for you now. Hope you get the answers and the life you deserve. 😊

Last edited by PrettyFlamingo (3/04/2017 5:40 am)

My hope for you is that today you finally realize that the reason you always get such detailed responses is that it is meant for your to get yourself together and win your girl back.

All of the tools are in front of you, you just have to believe you can work this all out.

I sincerely hope you receive that breakthrough to activate your faith and belief in the process. The knots in your tummy is not pleasant and we have all been there. You have such a good heart, I can tell because the ' warning ' you gave i.e. Being cognizant and aware of others feelings shows that you are actually growing and bravo for that. I'm happy you continue to feel comfortable coming here as the smallest kind word goes a long way. I want to see you thriving in all areas of life and I look forward to your success story. Like you said you have been given advice on top of advice but application is key. Once you start realizing that this situation with your ex is temporary and the outcome ultimately lies in your hands you will be singing a different tune..a nice one don't be too hard on yourself, okay? You have a support system here...we may not coddle you but we are certainly rooting for you and wishing nothing but the best for you!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mX9L8IuiwJA

Kavik wrote:

Hi, I hope you're better now.

I've been there some months ago and I finally feel better, but I understand why I had these feelings.

So, let me ask you something, How is your self esteem? how do you feel about the guys she could be speaking or going out? 

I was very anxious thinking about her meeting other guys, every coment, every like on her fb page was terrific for me, and that was because I though that every one of this guys was better than me.... 

What I did to get the anxiety and obsession out of my life was to get bussy, I get a job and started studying an making other things and finally I started thinking more about myself and less in her. 

If you want to attrackt her but you cant it's because you're missing something, what are this feelings telling you about yourself? 

I descovered recently that If I wasn't receibing yet what I want it's because I still have things to work about how I feel about myself. 

And doesnt matter the time or the situation, you can change it if you want  

Thank you so much. My self esteem is amazing, believe it or not. And it's more about even the fact that she'd be talking to other guys in a romantic light that I don't like, obviously, because I love her. And that hurts if she's talking to another guy. I know she has the freedom to talk to anybody she wants. It just hurts you know? I really really really appreciate the kind words, thank you so much!

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

Something that concerns me is this.

If you were back together would you constantly worry that she was talking to other guys and might go off with someone else? Your anxiety makes me think you might.

I've been with someone like that and it drives you bananas. I wasn't trusted and it killed the relationship.

You've made her the centre of your entire existence. You're telling yourself she's not going to come back and that's what you're getting. Can you live like this for another 60 or 70 years?

Even the phrasing get her back, she'll come back, stop that. It's going to have to be a new relationship.

Answer me this though I bet you won't - what was so great about her and your original relationship that you need to have it "back"? What did you give to each other?

I don't know the answer for you but you might be doggedly focusing just on your need for this person at the expense of other things. The law of attraction is about getting the life you want. If you use it purposely. Note I said life not person because they cannot be your whole life.

What about your new place and job? We've heard practically zero about that.

This has gone on too long for you now. Hope you get the answers and the life you deserve. 😊

You know what? Maybe that would bug me a little. I'm sure that I can trust her. I've always been able to. So if she were to tell me she isn't talking to any other guys if I were to ask, then I'd know she wouldn't be. I also know she's not the kind of person to lead me on, let alone talk to me while talking to other guys. She's loyal. I do know that. But I'm sure that somewhere I may worry a small degree. But a worry is still a worry yeah? 

And I can't explain it. We were perfect for each other. So much in common, and... it's the little things that added up to create what our relationship was. I can find little things that add up in others, I'm sure, but I don't want another. I want her. And she's just... so unique, you know?

And you're TOTALLY TOTALLY right. I have a new place. I have my job. I should be super thankful and appreciative for that. Thank you so much PF

Sanshi wrote:

I know that you don't want to hear what I have to say, but I will say it anyway.

Don't you want to feel better? Don't you want to get rid of this "constant knot of anxiety"? I know this feeling too well and it finally disappeared, when I gave up on my ex. BUT I don't even see it as giving up anymore. I had given up on myself before by chasing him, by thinking about him non-stop, by making him the center of my feelings, my thoughts, my universe, my life. When I gave up on him, I started to get myself back. I started to go out and meet new interesting people. I fell for another guy who was the opposite of my ex in many ways and I learned that I still could like other guys, even if they were very different from my ex. It didn't work out with this guy, I did the same things I did with my ex and I chased him exactly as I chased my ex with the same feelings and the same results (none). Then there was a second guy I liked and it didn't work out with him either. It wasn't as bad as with the first guy though. I moved on quicker. Now, I'm into this new guy for 1 1/2 months, I am still not attached and if he would disappear tomorrow, I would be a little sad, but I wouldn't chase him. My feeling of self-worth is too high now. I know that I deserve to be treated well. I also know that it is completely in my control, if people treat me well, BUT that doesn't mean that I can't walk away, when I miscreated someone. It's much harder to change your thoughts about someone than to create a new person who is perfect for you.

When did you join his forum initially? It's been nearly a year, isn't it? You weren't in the position to attract anybody back a year ago and you are still not there and you know that. So has it been helping you to chase her energetically this whole past year? No, of course not. I don't say you should give up on her completely, but I think it would be very beneficial to let go of her for a few weeks or months. Just getting busy with other stuff, doing it for you, not for her. You cling to the thoughts of her so that you have still the feeling of having control, but you don't right now. Your beliefs control you and they are stronger than you are for now. When you loosen your grip on her for a while, you will see the situation differently with time and maybe your beliefs will get a little less strong. Or maybe you even open up to someone new.

No, I really appreciate the input, thank you so much!

And that's just the thing though too. I can't let go. It's not that I'm holding too tight or just don't want to. I simply can't. That's something I'm trying to do. Or I guess, more specificially, let go of the fear or negative things about it. She just pops up even if I were to try to let go - and I have tried before - and it just caused my gut to go haywire, when she'd randomly pop up, which keeps me hooked. It's so weird.

So I just can't let go. But I know. If I keep telling myself that I can't. It's like a catch 22, but the only solution I have is finding belief in LoA. I've read people say it's a conscious decision to believe. It's my lack of belief that she'll come back, or rather, that I can attract her back using the LoA - therefore my lack in faith of LoA, that causes me this gut-wrenching feeling. If she were seeing someone, yet I trusted the Universe, I'd be okay. Happy. So I just need to find a way to believe, and get rid of this doubt, and I know that's something nobody can do for me. That I've been given advice and I just need to find a way to do that myself. Thing is, I haven't discovered how yet. I hate admitting it, but I'm so scared hah! Like, I've never been this scared in my life, Sanshi. 

I really do appreciate the input, thank you so much I always love it when you comment. I know you're here for me, and that warms my heart!

Avaelle wrote:

My hope for you is that today you finally realize that the reason you always get such detailed responses is that it is meant for your to get yourself together and win your girl back.

All of the tools are in front of you, you just have to believe you can work this all out.

I completely see it, and I am SO thankful for it Thank you everyone. You all mean so much to me <3

I have to take what I've learned and find a way to apply it in such a way that works for me. Thank you so much, Avaelle. I've got to find a way!

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

It doesn't matter where she is or who she's spending her time with. That doesn't mean you can't get together.

I loved hearing this. It made me so happy. Thank you so much, PF ) Even if momentarily, it does boost my faith hearing that. Thank you so much!

Dan2015 wrote:

Sanshi made a great point. You've been here almost a year now. And who knows how long you guys actually been broken up for. And besides for a few minor changes, it seems like you haven't improved much


I think, before getting her back. You really need to work and fix your anxiety I think that should be your number 1 objective


But let me try to breakdown a few parts

1. I feel like reading/learning about loa is good, but I think you overwhelm yourself sometimes, you might have all the tools but you haven't applied them yet to use

It's like reading and watching a bunch of things on how to fix a car, you could read/watch a million things on how to fix a car, but until you actually apply it. You won't get anything accomplished

2 I and others have said this to you before, but nobody can teach you/help you how to believe and not doubt, im pretty sure most of us had the same problems and maybe we still do, there comes a time that we realize. What do we have to lose. Do we want to keep being miserable. So with that we start believing and not doubting. It's something that happens inside, that only we can do


3. I agree with sanshi, I honestly think you should take a break from her for a few weeks or months Sometimes the best way to become confident about a situation. Is to take a break from it and go back to it later. And not overwhelm yourself too much with it

I know you said you love yourself and I believe you, but everyone could use work on themselves. I mean even multi billionaires who are successful and have everything they want never stop improving themselves. You should focus on yourself even more and work on improving yourself even more(we could all use more improvements). Continue working on your flaws(your anxiety. Your doubt. Etc). Became obsessed with yourself and just do things to make you happy, have fun, improve


I mean, spring and summer is coming up Do you REALLY want to spend another spring and summer unhappy and depressed? I mean, in life you never know when you're going to die or anything. So you really need to enjoy yourself. Spend time with your friends and family. Go out. Go places. Meet new people. Go to the gym. Play video games. Go on a vacation. There's so many things to do, especially in the coming spring and summer


This might not be something you want to hear. But maybe it would be good for you, if she started dating the guy. Tbh. My ex dating her bf was probably the best thing that ever happened, it made me stop worrying so much about her. And made me start wanting to make myself happy. Improve myself more. Etc. over time it has really helped with my confidence and doubt as well

A year ago, I probably felt the same way you did. I had 100 percent doubt whether I was aware of it or not. It took me until this past December to fully start believing. It's a process, but the sooner you start the process, the sooner you'll get there

You're completely right, thank you so much! I really haven't improved much and my anxiety is DEFINITELY something I need to continue working on. I love myself, but you're one hundred percent correct, there is ALWAYS something to improve on.

Thank you so much, Dan. I really really appreciate everything

Colonel Roosevelt wrote:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mX9L8IuiwJA

Thank you so much, CR! I really appreciate it! I'll watch it ASAP!