Really struggling this past week with my emotions/feelings about my love.  I'd love to be able to just close my mind down as i'm so tired of everything and today especially I keep thinking how good it would be to flick a switch and do this.  I love him to bits and I think the big problem is letting go and trying not to think of him as much.  I had been doing really well in letting him go more and more before this but this week I feel like everything and all my feelings are coming back and slapping me big time!

Just before Christmas another old ex from 12 years ago came back and has been emailing me a lot, which was really nice and i'm enjoying catching up.  This past week he's been messaging me constantly all day on snapchat, I have no romantic feelings for this guy, it's purely friendship and he's married.  It's strange because before this contact I always thought I still had some kind of feeling for him and would have given anything those 12 years ago to have this contact with this guy as I was devastated when we ended but I now know I feel nothing for him anymore. 

His contact is only reaffirming to me what I do and don't want, and making me even more sure of the kind of relationship I want with my love.  I'm finding these feelings are making me think of my love more and bringing back up what my love done, which I thought i'd dealt with but obviously haven't!.  This week I can't stop myself thinking why is this other guy contacting me all the time and my love isn't and how much I wish it was my love saying these things and messaging me all the time.  I know part of it is because i'm too fixated on my love and us reconciling etc. 

I'm truly grateful for everything and all the manifestations and the things which have happened to show i'm on the right path etc that have come these past few months but I feel this past week i've hit a wall and everything has stopped and how good it would be to be able to switch my head off now and then.

Me and my love are still in contact, we have the occasional hey, how are you messages (me initiating).  At the end of January we had the first proper easy going, making each other laugh etc conversation which lasted over 2 days, this was the first proper conversation we've had since things ended end of September last year (he had met someone else).  He messaged me a 'heyy' on valentine's day which could have been in reply to a message i'd sent him a few days before.

Sorry for rambling on again and if this doesn't make sense! Sometimes just getting these things out helps a bit!

Last edited by daisychain (2/23/2017 8:21 am)