(Sorry for my english, i'm from Holland)

For six months i have been in love whit this boy. I wanted him so badly. Everithing depended on him. I thought about him all the time and now it feels like i actually didnt live for six months. We kissed like only seven times. Everytime he would give me hope, but then he teared me appart by saying terrible things. I think over those six months, i've been heartbroken 12 times. And everytime (i really dont know how) i got hope again and lost myself. I tried so bad to not let everything depend on him, but i couldnt.

I applied the loa very often. But also i am a very scared and worrying person. I really dont know how to worry less. I tried so hard but by worrying i got even more worried because i was terribly afraid that the loa would give those bad things to me.
And now, i'm so broken and my selfesteem is completely torn down. It feels like nobody ever wants a relationship with me, it happend so many times that i dont know how to believe in that everything will be ok.

Yesterday night, he went so angry at me when we where with our friends (he is in my group of friends now) and he screamed so so hard and he said so many things that just werent true at all! Like i was the baddest person ever and he said so many terrible things to me. I felt myself just break. It hurts so much guys😭 i dont know what to do. Its terrible if someone thinks about me like that. And how  can i love myself? I just want a nice boyfriend who is cute and handsome etc. But what should i do?

Please give me advise, i dont know what to do anymore.

Lots of love xxx