I've gone back to the thread in question and the only post I can see that has been (wrongly) interpreted as rude or hurtful is mine.  That was when I said that I was exasperated with seeing the same/similar question asked over and over and over and said something like how many times do we have to repeat the same thing (which is please do not contact this woman!)  - Link below. 

http://veronicaloa.boardhost.com/viewtopic.php?id=5841

I'm afraid I have seen far, far worse responses to these posts than the one I gave today which I considered was very measured. 

We are all here to support each other, but there comes a point when it feels like groundhog day, and I worry that advice is being ignored. You know contacting her isn't a good idea.  

I'd like to ask - what would you expect to gain from contacting her?  I remember a guy called Steve, and back then my day was either good or bad depending on how Steve treated me or reacted to me.  That was nonsense of course.  I had to make my days good ones.  

You're in a situation that you have described in great detail in many posts throughout this forum, and the most recent episode you were saying she didn't respond how you wanted her to to a parcel you sent.  In fact, you don't know how she reacted because you didn't hear from her, it was her sister who went off the deep end as I recall. She might be delighted, and you never know, might put it to one side and come across it and think fondly of you.  But if you keep contacting her, she most likely won't. 

(Please don't ask "do I really think so" because I don't know - I am just presenting it as one of many possibilities)

I can understand that you get a "moment" like today when you said you wanted to contact her, but that should be the time you show the greatest strength and, to pun on your user name "No I Won't".  It's about you not her.  And you really need to demonstrate this strength of character and control, otherwise the whole cycle will start, and it won't help you.

What would you do if she got run over by a bus tomorrow - how would you live your life?

This is meant to be practical and supportive, not rude, hurtful or condescending. 

 

Last edited by PrettyFlamingo (2/08/2017 4:26 pm)

YesIWILL wrote:

PF, I think you're amazing! I just think the second thing you posted wasn't needed at all. It wasn't really a relevant thing to add. I did take offense to it.

Blue, no I do NOT. You can't have a rude, condescending (etc.) post and expect the person to just "suck it up".


I wasn't calling out anybody specific. There may have been one thing to push me over the edge, but we can all CLEARLY see that the tone of some users can sometimes be condescending or rude. Don't try to defend that. I put this is the "forum improvement" section for a reason.just letting everybody know to PLEASE be kinder. That's it. It's absolutely unnecessary to try and defend the type of behavior by saying to "not take things personally", and it's even ignorant to say things such as "I'm not seeing it". I'm sorry but if you're not seeing it, you're very blind.


I'm simply asking everyone to just watch what they say. Nobody knows what others have gone through during the day. I was just doing a much-neeeded PSA.


And thanks Honeebee.
This was not meant to be a fight or argument. I'm just saying to everyone, just try and remember that people go through things. Try to remember to be kind. That's all.

PLEASE look after yourself.  People are concerned about you.

Blue wrote:

Look, the thing is - there are so many tools and resources here on this forum and a lot of you DONT utilise it and you don't listen when we all try to help. You keep saying this, that or the other - repeating yourselves all the time and we TRY to help but you just don't listen or go on a whole other spiel about "woe is me."

The only person who can help you...is YOU. So many of us have given you guys a speech the length of the story of Star Wars yet you still don't get it and you still don't listen.

That's the truth. Whether you like it or not and sometimes kindness can only go so far when we have tried so much already.

That's not even it. A lot of people here can be rude from the get-go. I understand what you're saying, but even in that case, you don't know what people are going through and how their situations are affecting them. Try to be understanding, patient and considerate please. It could make or break somebody's entire day and I think a LOT if people have to understand this. I think a lot of people here lack emotional sense and really need to learn "emotional sense" before even trying to help others because otherwise I don't think they're in a place to even try to help if they don't know how to in the first place. It's not an excuse.


There's always room for kindness. Just be patient.

Last edited by YesIWILL (2/08/2017 6:57 pm)

Let's leave all of this behind and only learn from this post. Let's respect each other, the person who is asking for help and also the helper. After all, we all using loa, don't let anything here drain you. This is the place where you become a better person with the help of others and also, its a place where you make others better too.

YesIWILL wrote:

Blue wrote:

Look, the thing is - there are so many tools and resources here on this forum and a lot of you DONT utilise it and you don't listen when we all try to help. You keep saying this, that or the other - repeating yourselves all the time and we TRY to help but you just don't listen or go on a whole other spiel about "woe is me."

The only person who can help you...is YOU. So many of us have given you guys a speech the length of the story of Star Wars yet you still don't get it and you still don't listen.

That's the truth. Whether you like it or not and sometimes kindness can only go so far when we have tried so much already.

That's not even it. A lot of people here can be rude from the get-go. I understand what you're saying, but even in that case, you don't know what people are going through and how their situations are affecting them. Try to be understanding, patient and considerate please. It could make or break somebody's entire day and I think a LOT if people have to understand this. I think a lot of people here lack emotional sense and really need to learn "emotional sense" before even trying to help others because otherwise I don't think they're in a place to even try to help if they don't know how to in the first place. It's not an excuse.


There's always room for kindness. Just be patient.

I agree  specifically with the last part, but remember, in this world.. Most people aren't patient(including ourselves with our desires)     

Being kind/understanding does go a long way, and I try to be nice to people always,  but you know how society is.. people will say "The real world is honest and harsh"   I mean, look at the U.S.  we have an asshole as president(and people LOVE his bluntness/harshness)

society really isn't kind overall, we live in a world where people feel being harsh and blunt is the best way to get people to understand 

What I do think is true though, when it comes to LOA, people can give advice 24/7 but nothing will work until the individual person decides to take what they learned and apply it.    it's not easy...   I think people on here(including myself) are rude/harsh at times, because people get tired of repeating themselves, plus people have their own problems

but you said this and I learned it, if I feel like I'm going to be purposely rude, i just don't say anything