Tangueria wrote:

Hello,

I don't know you, and I logged in specifically to write this to you.

First off, let me tell you, it's great that you feel the way you do while writing that post. It may not be what you have wanted to realize, but at least you were calm. I have been reading your posts religiously, from both accounts for the past hour. This one and RockInRoll33 (or something similar). From a person with background in psychology (I am not licensed, I am a researcher) I highly recommend anxiety therapy (not meds in your condition). If you cannot afford to see a professional, then please meditate. I am a researcher and have access to a lot of programs that I can send you for free if that's what it takes. Please, please, please, do something about the anxiety. I am begging and pleading with you and even offering free programs if you need it.


Now, the reason I logged in is to tell you a story of something that happened with me. I work at a research lab and so my coworkers and I tend to spend a lot of time together. One of the my close friends/coworkers became romantically interested in me 2 years ago. In the beginning, I turned him down gently, because he was going through a divorce and we work together. I prefer not to get involved with someone I work with. Slowly we became closer and I was starting to become open to the idea of dating him (in my head) but I never told him that because I wanted to be sure before I do anything about it. 

HOWEVER, just when I was starting to come around, he started to become clingy and needy. He was acting very much like you were acting with you girlfriend/ex. You name it, he's done it. Sending me presents, calling and begging and pleading, showing up at my door and even at one point started verbally attacking the other guys in the lab simply because I was *talking* to them. He would call common friends and ask them to deliver messages to me. Even became suicidal because he wanted to see if I cared. You remind me soooo much of him and let me tell you this; I did not even care one bit. I blocked him, I stopped responding to him in the office unless it was work related. I started avoiding his presence, and when they told me about his suicide attempt I was worried because he IS a human being, but I did not want to talk to him or see him because I didn't want to give him false hope that we were ever going to be together. He had become the LEAST attractive thing possible in the world to me. While a few months prior I was open to the idea of dating him. Eventually he went to therapy and actually became a poised person again. I was still VERY careful around him.

Fast forward to early last year, we actually started hanging out like before and now I have my friend back. I was never interested in him romantically and we never dated. I have a boyfriend whom I love and now that we are back together I am happy. As for my friend, he is my friend again, and I initiated the friendship back, not him. When he could have been my boyfriend had he stayed calm and not turned into a one man circus. 

Moral of the story: she will not come to you in the condition you're in, and I know from experience.


I meant it wholeheartedly when I said I can provide you with steps you can do on your own. Message me on private and I will respond. I WILL NOT respond to any relationship advice/questions or any other question aside from whether or not you want me to send you something, because everybody on the forum has given you thousands of miles' worth of advice. You just need to apply it. And from a professional point of view, I think this forum is making you worse because it's causing a bit of enabling, especially dependency and reliance on others. I would bet my life on the fact that if you stay away from here you will feel TONS better.   


Best of luck! 

Hey thanks so much I appreciate it! I feel very hopeful and I really feel as though she's coming back! I'm feeling pretty great without her too. The only thing I'm really worrying about right now is getting this apartment because otherwise I'd have to go to a homeless shelter. Ridiculous stuff.

Anyway, I hope she comes back and wants me in a romantic way, rather than simply in a friend way, despite me acting poorly. (I hope this doesn't offend you, I don't mean it in such a way but) I have not even sort of acted as poorly as the man you've described, which I'm thankful for. I could've (and should've) acted better, but I definitely could've acted worse. Just staying in faith that she'll come back and be interested in me romantically!

I really really really appreciate your input. It was very kind of you to sign in simply to help me - ps I am seeing a therapist for my anxiety as well. Staying hopeful!!'