Hello community.

Been reading here a bit, and it's really nice to find a place where people have similar issues, beliefs and inspiration to help.

Story here is my love and I have been in a relationship for almost 10 years and somehow I managed to **** it up (yes, I take vibrational responsibility and yes I probably haven't forgiven myself completely yet). It's not all black and white of course, but things were rough the last year or so and I guess I spiraled out of control into some terrible feelings both before and after. I still have a lot of pain/hurt connected to the split, so I try not to think about it too much.

Right now I am at a place where I just want some contact. I want to try again. I want some sincere love and to get the chance to properly be in a relationship (we were long distance) especially with the new tools I learned. We are each others first and only everything. This is the person I want a family with. I am ready for that. I am ready for it all.

But how do I get happy? I'm struggling with a few things that I can hopefully get some help with.

1. Acting 'as-if'. We live in different countries, and I would much rather come to him than him come here right now, so how beneficial would it be to create space and share a bed etc? Is there a point in that? Should I replace it with something else?

2. I am aware I am too attached to the outcome still. I feel it. I feel afraid when I visualize, when I try to RS, when I imagine doing all these activities to raise my vibration. It's like every time I feel happy, I immediately want to share it with him and it reminds me of the lack which is very bad. After 10 years though, it feels like everything that makes me happy reminds me of him. It's so hard. I just want to be happy so I can be happy. Please help.

Sometimes when I try to visualize I start to cry. Should I stop, get myself to a better place and then try this whole process again later?

It feels like I can't be happy without him and I know that is a problem! trying to convince myself that I can makes it feel like I am giving up which makes me sad too.

3. I know that people say to start consciously using LoA on smaller things in order to create some momentum in faith etc. Problem for me is that all these small things become huge because they are attached to my big desire. I'm very attached to LoA working in general I believe most of the time, it's just hard to see sometimes.

4. I sometimes feel like there is SO MUCH I need to/want to change about my life. So much that it would take AGES to get my love back. But logically I do know that happiness can and should come incontinent on other factors. I hope that's what I learn anyway. And then all my abundance will flow to me. I feel really happy and grateful for that. It's only me who is standing in my own way.



You know what? I already feel better. I feel like writing this stuff out already made my mood better. So thank you universe for inspiring me to finally registering. All steps matter!