PrettyFlamingo wrote:

Avaelle wrote:

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

Why does it matter so much what her sister thinks?  Is she controlling?  

I would love the answer to this too.  Normally when someone else's view of us matters so much it's because our own view of us matters very little. Why are you so attached to the sister's opinion?   We all get hurt by other people but the world shouldn't end over it.

I think it is the view that you can have whatever you want (or whatever you are a match to) with Law of Attraction that can distress people in general and this guy in particular. He thinks in theory it can bring him his ex girlfriend back, but in practice doesn't believe that she will come back to him because she's said she can't stand him and so on.  He says he knows he is a catch etc, and I believe that, but there is still this neediness and obsession that without this one particular girl, he's never going to be happy.  I do relate to that.  I wanted someone back years ago - I didn't get him back, but I thought I would never be able to live without him. I was wrong about that. 

As some of you know I am having an awful time finding a job at the moment heightened by the fact my job ends a week tomorrow and I will have no income if something doesn't happen in the next week.  I've been for loads of interviews for two months now and have been rejected for all of them. They weren't a good match, but underneath it all I have never lost sight of my skills, experience and abilities. They are real and valuable and I know that I am good.  These jobs were, whilst well paid, not the right match - there was something I didn't like, some things I didn't have the experience of, etc. Some I was way overqualified for. But underneath all that I know I am worth it. 

I'm not saying this to be "me me me" or say that you can't get the girlfriend back, but to say that you mustn't lose sight of the core of what you are.  You might have to work on the clinginess and obsession which is really quite offputting if I may say so, and don't contact her, and stuff what her sister thinks.  I know it is hard but you have to do that for yourself. 

You literally hit the nail RIGHT on the head with how I'm feeling. I just can't have faith that she's coming back when things seem SO bleak. And this is really the only way she'd ever come back to me, if the LoA works for attracting a specific person. It's one thing to doubt the LoA, it's a whole new thing though when it comes to someone else's free will and attracting a specific person who wants nothing to do with you. "At what point does the LoA stop working"? The thing is there are many schools of thought. Of course I've done my research. I just can't pull myself to have enough faith she's coming back, and as much as I don't want to admit it, as much as it TERRIFIES ME to admit it... I can't see her coming back to me. I can't get myself to have faith that against all odds, she'd come back, let alone even think of me at all in any respect after what's happened. 

That's my predicament. It's one thing to get advice from you all, which I REALLY appreciate, it's another thing to not know what to do to apply the advice when it goes against deep deep core beliefs. Don't get me wrong, there are moments I feel GREAT and know she's coming back. But is that just my gut feeling because I want her? Or is it some magical universal link connecting she and I?

I worry because I know you all are trying to help. I just literally cannot apply it if it goes against my deep core beliefs. I've tried really hard changing them too. Also the situation between she and I right now really adds to the "disbelief" if that makes any sense. I kind of fear even commenting back on here, because I don't want to bring your vibes down, asking the same thing over and over again. That's not fair to you all. And you don't deserve to have your vibes brought down because I can't fully believe that my girl will return to me. I can get all the advice in the world... I just wouldn't know what to do with it you know? I've tried simple things like manifesting coffee. Just couldn't happen. Even though I felt good and let go. 

I really am scared. I just wish I could have her in my arms right now. As you can see the dependency is there, because she really brought something amazing into my life which added to my already-existing happiness.

If this does work to get someone back, then I want to believe it, because it's really the only chance I've got to get her back you know? And it feels so right, imagining myself with her.

Just wish I could make this easier on myself and just... have her back already. I really do have that worry all the time about what she's up to and I just can't see her coming back to me after all the hell.

Avaelle wrote:

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

Why does it matter so much what her sister thinks?  Is she controlling?  

I would love the answer to this too.  Normally when someone else's view of us matters so much it's because our own view of us matters very little. Why are you so attached to the sister's opinion?   We all get hurt by other people but the world shouldn't end over it.

Ehh. We were just really close. She'd always come to me for advice and I always considered her more of a sister than any of my actual sisters. You can see why it's upsetting. Also, it brings the following question of, "Since her family hates me, IF my girl comes back, then what? What about that tension between the sister and I? Or the mother who said to my girl that she should get a restraining order against me?" - The whole family practically thinks I'm a creep - so, what if we get back together? I'd want a family-esque relationship with them, too. And likewise, I'd want to be cared for by them. Seeing how my sister and her husband's family are together warms my heart. I don't want a "The Graduate" situation with my future in-laws...



Thanks guys. I really appreciate everything.

YesIWILL wrote:

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

Avaelle wrote:

I would love the answer to this too.  Normally when someone else's view of us matters so much it's because our own view of us matters very little. Why are you so attached to the sister's opinion?   We all get hurt by other people but the world shouldn't end over it.

I think it is the view that you can have whatever you want (or whatever you are a match to) with Law of Attraction that can distress people in general and this guy in particular. He thinks in theory it can bring him his ex girlfriend back, but in practice doesn't believe that she will come back to him because she's said she can't stand him and so on.  He says he knows he is a catch etc, and I believe that, but there is still this neediness and obsession that without this one particular girl, he's never going to be happy.  I do relate to that.  I wanted someone back years ago - I didn't get him back, but I thought I would never be able to live without him. I was wrong about that. 

As some of you know I am having an awful time finding a job at the moment heightened by the fact my job ends a week tomorrow and I will have no income if something doesn't happen in the next week.  I've been for loads of interviews for two months now and have been rejected for all of them. They weren't a good match, but underneath it all I have never lost sight of my skills, experience and abilities. They are real and valuable and I know that I am good.  These jobs were, whilst well paid, not the right match - there was something I didn't like, some things I didn't have the experience of, etc. Some I was way overqualified for. But underneath all that I know I am worth it. 

I'm not saying this to be "me me me" or say that you can't get the girlfriend back, but to say that you mustn't lose sight of the core of what you are.  You might have to work on the clinginess and obsession which is really quite offputting if I may say so, and don't contact her, and stuff what her sister thinks.  I know it is hard but you have to do that for yourself. 

You literally hit the nail RIGHT on the head with how I'm feeling. I just can't have faith that she's coming back when things seem SO bleak. And this is really the only way she'd ever come back to me, if the LoA works for attracting a specific person. It's one thing to doubt the LoA, it's a whole new thing though when it comes to someone else's free will and attracting a specific person who wants nothing to do with you. "At what point does the LoA stop working"? The thing is there are many schools of thought. Of course I've done my research. I just can't pull myself to have enough faith she's coming back, and as much as I don't want to admit it, as much as it TERRIFIES ME to admit it... I can't see her coming back to me. I can't get myself to have faith that against all odds, she'd come back, let alone even think of me at all in any respect after what's happened. 

That's my predicament. It's one thing to get advice from you all, which I REALLY appreciate, it's another thing to not know what to do to apply the advice when it goes against deep deep core beliefs. Don't get me wrong, there are moments I feel GREAT and know she's coming back. But is that just my gut feeling because I want her? Or is it some magical universal link connecting she and I?

I worry because I know you all are trying to help. I just literally cannot apply it if it goes against my deep core beliefs. I've tried really hard changing them too. Also the situation between she and I right now really adds to the "disbelief" if that makes any sense. I kind of fear even commenting back on here, because I don't want to bring your vibes down, asking the same thing over and over again. That's not fair to you all. And you don't deserve to have your vibes brought down because I can't fully believe that my girl will return to me. I can get all the advice in the world... I just wouldn't know what to do with it you know? I've tried simple things like manifesting coffee. Just couldn't happen. Even though I felt good and let go. 

I really am scared. I just wish I could have her in my arms right now. As you can see the dependency is there, because she really brought something amazing into my life which added to my already-existing happiness.

If this does work to get someone back, then I want to believe it, because it's really the only chance I've got to get her back you know? And it feels so right, imagining myself with her.

Just wish I could make this easier on myself and just... have her back already. I really do have that worry all the time about what she's up to and I just can't see her coming back to me after all the hell.

Avaelle wrote:

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

Why does it matter so much what her sister thinks?  Is she controlling?  

I would love the answer to this too.  Normally when someone else's view of us matters so much it's because our own view of us matters very little. Why are you so attached to the sister's opinion?   We all get hurt by other people but the world shouldn't end over it.

Ehh. We were just really close. She'd always come to me for advice and I always considered her more of a sister than any of my actual sisters. You can see why it's upsetting. Also, it brings the following question of, "Since her family hates me, IF my girl comes back, then what? What about that tension between the sister and I? Or the mother who said to my girl that she should get a restraining order against me?" - The whole family practically thinks I'm a creep - so, what if we get back together? I'd want a family-esque relationship with them, too. And likewise, I'd want to be cared for by them. Seeing how my sister and her husband's family are together warms my heart. I don't want a "The Graduate" situation with my future in-laws...



Thanks guys. I really appreciate everything.

In my opinion, you're biting off more than you can chew. You're worried about her, her sister, her mother and comparing it all to your sister's marriage all the while not having your core beliefs right.  As someone else mentioned to you,  you should take baby steps.

I find it frightening that you feel like this.  

PrettyFlamingo wrote:

I find it frightening that you feel like this.  

I do too ha. It's a very scary thing to hear someone feels this way.

And blue, people keep saying that. I understand I need to look to other things to make me happy, but when it comes to me, I'm happy with who I am. I love myself. I don't think it has anything to do with "finding happiness within myself" because I'm content with who I am. I'm amazing!

It's not like I was sad, then she brought happiness to my life, then said happiness went away. I felt great about myself (I still do.) then we started dating and she added to the happiness. Then she left, and that happiness that she added on went away. But it's not like she took away my already existing happiness. It's more like she took what she added to my life away, but what she added to my life was so much love that being back to feeling like I had before feels like lack. That's the best way I can explain it.

But regardless, whatever happiness she took with her, i feel a lack. Not a lack of "me", but just... a lack of her. And what she added to my life was something incredible.

I can't explain my emotions fully, but not having her here is really affecting me and I really hope to find a way to convince myself that she's coming back. Because the lack of her is really affecting me horribly and dangerously unhealthily and I don't know how to really cope without having her back in my life.

So it's not like I lost me when she left, but just the impact of losing her had been so traumatic.

I really need to find a way to get her back, that's all I know.

sunny wrote:

I'll give my honest opinion on what you've just said... take it or leave it... I don't think you've healed over what's happened. That's what you need to do first and foremost. You need to get her out of your head and focus on you. Redundant, yes, but the best advice you can be given. Once you've healed, you still have your desire, but you don't have the insane desperation that you seem to have right now. Attracting her back after you've healed is so much easier. I heard people tell me similar things back when I felt desperate, and in my head I was just like "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I've already healed. I already love myself" But really, that wasn't the case. You grow and see that your mindset was out of control and why attracting them back at that stage would not have worked. Things get so different and much better. But, you need to focus on you and forget about attracting her for awhile. Or maybe you will be stuck like this forever.

I remember with my last ex. Literally we weren't even dating. So we weren't really even "exes". We kind of saw each other for a month. I liked her. Didn't love or anything. After she admitted she liked someone else, I didn't get over her for 3 years. In fact I got over her once this new girl and I started dating. That's what I'm scared of though. If i couldn't get over a girl who I was barely even with, for THREE YEARS, struggling in a similar way, then how can I get over this girl? Literally this girl and I started dating when I reached out, when I couldn't get this old girl out of my head. A week later, I tried asking my girl to dinner, while still stuck on the other girl. Over time, I fell in LOVE with this girl. (Hope that makes sense. I'm mentally not all here right now. Not feeling well - nauseous). So if it took trying to date a new girl, to get over a girl I was barely even involved with, then how would I ever get over a girl who I'm in LOVE with? Who gave me my first kiss, lost my virginity to, etc?

That's what worries me. The first week or two of going out with my girl, I saw her as second best to the PREVIOUS girl. And was just like "you know what? I can't get the best, so at least I can have someone who could be second best"- (at first I guess maybe I was using her as a rebound huh?) and then I fell in love with her over time and lost feeling for the previous girl.


That's what scares me too. I don't want to get over THIS girl by meeting a new girl and thinking "eh. I still love my girl, but I guess this rebound will work for a bit. I can find some happiness out of it, I guess".

It makes me feel guilty, and hell I even tried already. Didn't work this time.

So what if I can't get over my girl until I give another girl a try? (I mean it didn't work this time, but yeah, what if it does eventually?)


I can't explain properly. I just don't want to be pining over this girl for 15 years, worrying to the same degree, and then find someone as a rebound, after FIFTEEN years, and then repeat the cycle.

Am I explaining this properly? I feel so nauseous. It's like being drunk kind of. I just don't feel well and it's impacting how I'm typing.


There was nothing to "get over" from the first girl, so why did it take me three years?

I don't think we are hitting the right nails here in terms of suggestions. I appreciate you trying to help SO much I do. I just. What if I can't get over this girl? I think I have healed from what happened as far as one can, but still being in love it sucks to be without her.

Does this make sense?

I don't think "healing" is the proper thing to do. Like, i don't feel as though that's part of the equation as to why I'm so hooked on her, I guess is what I'm getting at. I think I've healed as much as one can, I just think there's something else at play which is causing me to worry so much about this.

Friends have suggested that maybe there's something that happened in my childhood which is causing me to have trouble with attachment? I don't know. As far as I know (And I've taken a **** TON of time to think about that) there's nothing traumatic that had happened, nothing that makes me have attachment issues or "love" issues. I just think this is how I am, and I think it's just how I cope with this kind of thing (losing someone). I think it just affects me a lot worse and even differently than others if that makes sense


Meh. I dunno. I have a lot of thoughts running around in my head, but I know that this attachment to her does not come from "lack" of anything or not "healing".

So I just don't know exactly HOW I can feel better to attract her back if that makes sense. I don't think being who I am, "feeling better" is a thing that happens in this situation. I don't think I'll ever reach a "letting go" state, in terms of actually "letting go". I think it's just a cycle that'll keep happening.


Gah I dunno I just want her back guys. Just by some miracle

Last edited by YesIWILL (1/23/2017 6:46 pm)