Oh....This is really sad....I understand your situation....I have been termed as "the agony aunt" by my friends but when I was in a situation like this, honestly u just dont know whom to look for advice....
Its really sad that he came back after 2 years and left again, many a times in this forum only we read about the same thng that they come and disappear again....

I so so so feel for you for being the "good person" , generally its always them who sufferes,,,,but now what can be done....u attracted him in the past, I think u can go it again provided u want him back knowing his frequesnt acts like this....do u still want him? If so then U can have him back for sure, think how u behaved 2 years back and its the same thing!!
But LOA says not to focus on your presesnt reality, so can u try and behave like he's already their? I know this moment and this time is not right for this....but u have to work on yourself right....once u get in a better position u can always atract him back....its painful how people forget the ones who took them back....
Your situation is similar to mine, my love is an actor whom no matter what I do, I cannot avoaid....keep reading about him, here there everywhere which is freakin irritating.....but its a part of the process....hope u get healed soon....just keep doing things which helps u, get a job to overcome the financial hurdle...a step at atime!
 

Thank you so much to both!
I am playing the role of a victim, that's exactly what happen to me, and I just don't like it.
I've been NC in order to cleanse my energy, and balance myself. But he keeps coming back at my mind. I've tried practicing EFT and H'oponopono to forgive, but my rage keep coming back.
I dont even know if I want him back since what he did to me is so... disgusting, play with my emotions like that... Right now I am hurted, so all I can see is his happiness as an insult (is scary to admit this I know) huh I just want to heal myself, balance myself, and fill myself with love, self love, discard all this bad energy that I know I am projecting... God I'm so tired, I dont know where to start..

When he came back, I was happier but I wasn't very healed (my self esteem, self love weren't high) but I just gave up the idea of him coming back. Honestly that's all I did.

I don't know how to work with inner turmoil, in order to get to a peaceful place..

Six months has gone by, and well... I have good days and awful days.
I passed all my tests and my academic year has ended very well. But seems that I'm still caught up by this bad luck spiral.

I've been meditating, earning more money, hanging out with friends, enjoying my family and keeping away the thoughts of my ex. I don't investigate him nor I talk about him (Well except now). I've been in good mood and feeling calm, I stopped playing a victim for a while. But suddendly, after having fun all day with my best friend (yesterday), I encountered a common accquaintance that I share with my ex. She was so happy to see me, but without asking to her, she started to tell me things about my ex... "He met a girl and he posted on facebook that they are in a relationship, and they took a trip to camping the last week... I just don't get it how that asshole could tell you that he loves you but he has to be away of relationships, and now in matter of 6 months, he started to date another person..." I was so shocked by the information, and the fact she started to talk about him out nowhere...
I mean I was literally having a great healing time during two months in a row, doing what I love attracting positive and peaceful moments, involving myself in good projects, freeing myself from grudges, and so suddendly this appears? Why? How can I be attracting this conversation if a I haven't been thought about him until that girl brought up the subject?
She continued " Why he came back to you after two years and now after half a year he just pops out with a new girl and having more time for her that he ever had for you? What's the point to come back to someone after two freaking years promising and begging? Like.. I always thought that you were the most amazing girlfriend ever with him..."
I remember that I interrupted her, because she seemed so upset and so angry, I told her something like " Why you take this so personal? Why are you talking to me about this? I didn't ask you"
She said that she always liked me as a person, and that she thought that I didn't deserve any of this. "He is having the time of his life, tons of good vibe and happiness is like he is being rewarded for something and you punished" After two months I listened again and again that statement in my mind, I let that go, and now that statement came back... I told her something like she was being too serious about a subject that I didn't want to know "I'm glad that you appreciate me, but if you truly care about me, dont make participant of this kind of conversations where you talk trash about him, I dont wish him wrong or anything like that, and I want to leave and live in peace, I honestly care about my wellbeing right now"

But when I got home... I was destroyed... Why this info, why this situation appeared into my life? I was doing great, I didn't want to know all that... And all that info destroyed my mood... Christmas is coming and I feel so sad right now... I cant stop thinking why if he is the heartbreaker... Why if I didn't do anything to him... Why he is receiving so much support and blessings? Is not like I want him to be destroyed, but I want my own blessings, without feeling that little bug in my head that says "He doesn't deserve that as much as you don't deserve to be in the middle of negativity.."

Why the victim mindset keeps appearing when I dont feed it, or I make my best to not allow it..

Last edited by jesuislune (12/23/2016 11:05 am)

So I pretty much understand why he left you to be honest and it's not LOA , it's psychology which I know way too much about because I studied it and I have mental illness so I have to know about it but here is the human reasoning to why he came back and why he left:

Your guy (let's call him Jack) is a typical insecure male. Jack only dates 'drama queens' who are 'full of jealousy and manipulation' and the reason Jack does that, is because it makes him feel like he's important and he needs that because he doesn't have good self esteem. So when a drama queen gets all jealous that he's talking to another girl, Jack thinks 'wow, I'm special, I'm super important, she thinks I'm the best' and that makes Jack happy. Jack is also addicted to chaos, probably because he had a weird upbringing (neglectful or domineering mother is usually it) so Jack has developed the idea that love is chaos and drama fuelled. It is about mind games and manipulation and pain. He actively chooses girls who also have low self esteem and who will treat him like he's super special but at the same time treat him like ****. Many of these girls have something called borderline personality disorder. Jack needs that constant attention, he needs to be the centre of someone's world to an unhealthy degree. Jack himself sounds like he may have borderline and sounds like a typical 'Casanova' borderline male. He knows exactly what to say to a girl to make her fall head over heels for him and just when he knows he 'has' a girl, he backs off and pushes her away because Jack can't do intimacy very well, he doesn't like the feeling of being so close to someone. A girl who is a 'drama queen' never lets her boyfriend in close to her either, even though it seems it from the outside, this kind of girl doesn't do intimacy, she does possession. 

So why did Jack come back? Because you're were there. You also had low self esteem at the time which I'm guessing he picked up on because this kind of guy is a master at finding the girls with the broken wing. Why did Jack leave? Because you showed him that you're healthier than him- you have your life together, you have motivation, you have drive, you don't interact in mind games or love warfare or manipulation. You don't even get jealous easily. So you weren't making Jack feel special , you were making Jack feel inadequate .But then how come still he would leave if you were a healthy motivated mature person who loved him and he said you would be the mother of his kids? Because Jack knows you'd be a good girlfriend and knows you'd be a good mother and he basically understands logically that you are too good for him, which is exactly why he couldn't take it. You actually were out of his league and he couldn't match you.

Jack wants that pretty girl who's insecure and fights with him over talking to the bartender for so long. Jack wants the girl who barely made it through college and works part time in a flower shop and paints pretty pictures and laughs at all his jokes and doesn't have a clue about the world and goes to him for all her problems (which she can't handle herself) and everything else. He wants to get a girl he can provide for and even have some superiority over. The problem is, he can't deal with this type of girl for too long either because things get too intense so he breaks up with her and moves on to another and starts it again.

The funny thing is that you think Jack is some kind of prize, and Jack likes that but the moment he goes back to you because he sense you still see him as a little special, he will end up leaving again if you show any signs of independence or more intelligence than him. This is why men everywhere are dumping good women for the 'crazy' girls or the 'insecure' little flowers. 

On a vibrational note it would appear that you attract him back when you're low- like low self esteem and low self love, so it is probably going to happen again that you will attract him back ... either when you're low (not the best) or if you're high and if you attract him back when you're high, that means he has come up to join you in your new higher vibration which would be a good thing