This is what I wrote in my journal that I haven't written in a while. Hope it can help or inspire one you. Long time no talk? Well it's been some time, and I've learned a lot of things on this whole journey. I have learned that we create our own reality. We can ask the universe for something and it will deliver. I was always so negative about this whole situation, so hung up on it that I didn't realize what I was worth. I didn't realize how beautiful and amazing I truly am. I am not a handful, I am not ugly. I am great. I will get what I want. I also realized, I do not need Joaquin at all to make me happy. I don't need him at all to make me feel beautiful, loved, or wanted. I don't need him to live my life I am living right now. He was just apart of it that I really enjoyed. I realized, I can be happy on my own. Like when I'm taking a walk, when I feel my muscles moving. When I'm watching a funny show or movie. When I am joking around with family. Or when I'm playing with my dog. When I watch my favorite videos on YouTube, or when I listen to my favorite songs and pretend I'm in a music video. When I cook something or when I'm eating my favorite food. When I take pictures or when I get to go to Disneyland. When I smell the rain, when I feel the cold of winter on my face. When I can cuddle up with my dog. When my dog does something cute and funny. when I put on my makeup and do my hair. When I take a nice relaxing bath. When I hear Christmas songs or see Christmas lights.  When I come up with great ideas, when I write stories, when I tell the dumbest funniest jokes. Being with my family. Laughing with them. That is when I am happy. There are plenty of more ways that I am happy, I just can't think of them this second. But here I was so focused on him making me happy, not realizing what I already have, and who I already am. I am honestly so thankful for this all happening. Because if it didn't, I don't think I would have ever found the L.O.A and that I don't need someone to be happy! Of course, I do still love him and it is great to have him. But I'm not here just because of him. I'm here for me. I appreciate every little thing about me. I was over here crying about how my boyfriend left me when other people are crying because they are too sick to live. I might have lost him, but I am still here. I am okay. And I appreciate being where I am right now. I know that he will come back because I did ask for us to be back together, and the universe will deliver. I may have some nights that are bad still, but I am only human. For example, I decided to text him after months without speaking to each other. Fine. But I was so keen on getting a response that I just got upset and started crying. Why? I still do miss him, and that's okay, that's human nature. But do you know what? I have the lord. I have him to speak to when I am feeling down or even happy. I asked him to let Joaquin message me. I then went on with my day the next day. Sure of course I thought about my love but I let it go. I know the lord and the universe will deliver him some how. And guess what? He sent me a text. No, it was not long, but you know what? It was something and I am grateful that the lord answered my prayers. I know that this is going to happen. I will be with my love again. But for now, I am with me and everyone I love. And I am happy. I am thankful.  I still do get anxiety at times, I still get fearful. But I know that those feelings do not matter at all. I create my own reality. I can do this.

Last edited by ughchristina (12/04/2016 5:54 am)